Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How soon will the divorce be finalized? I didn't date until I was divorced because until then I was married albeit separated. It was just a morality issue for me.

Op here and I'm feeling twinges of this too which makes me feel stupid considering he had a full fledged girlfriend for several years of our marriage. I'm assuming it will be a 6-9 month process to officially be divorced.

Don’t let a technicality stand in the way of your future happiness.

I also would give you a pass since your husband cheated and you know you won't reconcile. There is no marriage left to save. He broke the vows and forgiveness/amends are not part of your mutual plan so it's de facto over.

I would however keep this private from everyone. Let it be its own relationship first. It will either flourish or wither 1:1. That will be optically and logistically easiest.

Also for the record, I'm tired of hearing betrayed mothers of young children say their cheating spouses are good dads. They might be kind to the kids when present but betraying and destabilizing a mother of young children automatically removes a man from "good dad" status in my eyes. A person that self-indulgent is likely to let a kid down as well. Even if they pack lunches and play catch and know the teachers' names.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How soon will the divorce be finalized? I didn't date until I was divorced because until then I was married albeit separated. It was just a morality issue for me.

I felt exactly the same. I didn’t date at all until I was officially divorced. It was a moral thing for me.

Me again. I also dated a separated man and would never date advise anyone to date a separated person.

Anonymous wrote:How soon will the divorce be finalized? I didn't date until I was divorced because until then I was married albeit separated. It was just a morality issue for me.

I felt exactly the same. I didn’t date at all until I was officially divorced. It was a moral thing for me.

Speak with your lawyer about whether it could impact your case. Obviously you don’t want to do anything that could weaken your settlement. You don’t say where you live and in 33 states adultry puts you at fault which would then potentially negate your ex’s fault. At fault states have varying implications from none to things like alimony.

This is just one example: https://www.businessinsider.com/worst-states-to-get-divorced-in-cheaters

Date him OP - live your life to the fullest! I took a break post divorce and didn’t improve in any way my readiness to date. It’s very hard to meet a great match organically
Just pace yourself and make sure you remain an involved mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:File today! Don't date until you file for divorce. It is tacky, irresponsible and sets a very bad example for your kids.
Then go to mediation asap and get it done.

A relationship before filing for divorce is an affair. Full stop.

No one cares what you think, Susan.

+1

Seriously. When did everyone on this board get so csnty about everything?

Anonymous wrote:File today! Don't date until you file for divorce. It is tacky, irresponsible and sets a very bad example for your kids.
Then go to mediation asap and get it done.

A relationship before filing for divorce is an affair. Full stop.

Don't let an idiot anon on DCUM (or anywhere else) dictate morality. Not everyone can file for divorce immediately, and the idea that you have to put your whole life on hold for a government-stamped piece of paper is some patriarchy-soaked pseudo-xtian nonsense.

OP, keep it casual. Be honest, GO SLOW.

stick to the original plan

I suspect many of those posting with their morality issues are married.

I met someone while separated. Dated that person for 3 years. Been divorced for 7 years and haven't been with anyone worthwhile since.

Sometimes, we don't always control when/how people come into our lives. You can still date and work on yourself. Good luck!

Bang him like a screen door in a hurricane!

So you met him 1 month after separating? Yikes. Rebound much? He's ok with dating a married woman?

You are swimming in emotion after finding out about the affair, ending your marriage, having your husband move out, dealing with your kids during this time. I'd wait until you get your head on straight, because even though it may feel like love, it just seems like a lot during this time.

Proceed with caution and honesty ..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How soon will the divorce be finalized? I didn't date until I was divorced because until then I was married albeit separated. It was just a morality issue for me.

I agree dating before being divorced is not good for you or the children, it's actually adultery. So at the very least, file for divorce right now before you start dating.

It's so clear that you people don't live in the real world. You don't even understand how divorce works. Try Google.

Anonymous wrote:File today! Don't date until you file for divorce. It is tacky, irresponsible and sets a very bad example for your kids.
Then go to mediation asap and get it done.

A relationship before filing for divorce is an affair. Full stop.

No one cares what you think, Susan.

When you said you were going to focus on yourself for 6m-1 y, what did you mean and how were you going to spend that time? I guess my advice is that you should still focus on what you had meant by that (therapy, job improvement, exercise, connecting with old friends?) even if you date this person.