Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Agree with this. ED heightens the pressure, and what’s more it does so using a classic sales technique—don’t let this exclusive pre-sale opportunity expire! Teens have big emotions, and they don’t understand enough to see how they’re being played.

Dear OP - don’t listen to the criticism. Kids are built differently and it sounds like yours is very competitive and has worked very hard. They will end up in a great school that is the right place for them! Whether the RD works out or not, trust that everything will be ok in the end. The hard work WILL pay off. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having a competitive student who really wants something bad. These mean people with average kids are just haters and probably also passed their attitudes on to their children.

The way we "solved" any college angst is make sure your kid has good safeties/targets along with a high reach ED.

My kid was accepted to three schools EA, one of which was their #1 choice if ED didn't happen.

They were happy no matter what because they didn't have to apply to any RD schools, and they knew they were a strong student no matter what the ED decision.

Anonymous wrote:It isn't ED. It also isn't your fault as a parent..that's ridiculous. This process is hugely stressful and this is how she is internalizing it.

I agree with this. My daughter didn’t apply ED but I fear she will have a similar reaction come March and I really feel I’ve done everything possible to prevent it over the last two years.

With all due respect, touch grass. At the high school where I work, kids are asking themselves questions like "will my family be able to stay in the U.S. or get deported," and "will I be able to attend college when my family also needs my financial help?"
Based on your description, your daughter's school sounds the same way.
She will survive not getting into the college she wants most, if it comes to that, as will you.

ED has been around a long, long time. Kids have been getting rejected for years. It's been particularly nutso the past 4-5.

Someone should have been managing her expectations for a long time now. We started telling our kids what a lottery the T10-20s are back before they were even really thinking about college. The grades/scores/ecs grant you a ticket---but after that there are so many others of same caliber so you can't take it personal and it might not pan out.

We also actively discussed many schools to try not to get hung up on 1.

It's stressful. You need to be the calm in the storm and you need to try to keep the environment around them calm and not all about college. Exercise, get fresh air, do something fun.

For our son who had a lot of rejection in life that he overcame each time--sports area, etc. It was easy to use that analogy and let him know that every time he was down or got cut or 'wronged', another, better door opened for him and he leveled up.

You need to teach and practice GRIT. Put your kid in a travel sport with a lot of politics and throw in personal injuries and parents that buy spots and nepotism--and your kid will grow a very thick skin if they decide to stick with it.

As for how you play it when you get home, OP, there have been posts about that on here. IF it isn't the answer she wanted, let her be sad today and really listen if she'll talk. Then tomorrow set the tone that it's on to the holidays and then the "really liked" schools on her list.

OP- I'm sorry this is happening. These kids have worked so hard and it's nerve wracking. College is a huge decision and it can provoke a lot of anxiety. It sounds like your DD is a high achiever.
My DS is fixated on a school (EA) right now too- it's a bit of longshot and I'm concerned that he'll be upset and a little bitter if he doesn't get in. He's worked very hard. We gave all the right messages, cast a wide net, did the right things, but it's human to want something.
Let us know how it works out.

I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

It isn't ED. It also isn't your fault as a parent..that's ridiculous. This process is hugely stressful and this is how she is internalizing it.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah this isn’t an ED problem. It could be the same for EA, RD, anytime a kid falls in love with a particular school and is worried about being reflected.

I have a kid who has her heart set on a school that she applied EA. While she isn’t at the point of falling apart in the counselor’s office, it will be a huge disappointment to her if she isn’t accepted. And I’ll be terribly disappointed for her if that happens.

But that’s life. Sometimes it happens for you, sometimes it doesn’t. Hopefully your DD has a plan B school that is a good fit.

*worried about being rejected.

ED is not new. I applied ED to college in 1991. I feel your pain, the admissions process has become excruciatingly competitive and my heart was broken when I went through it with my DC last year. But it’s not because of ED.

Doesn't sound like ED issue rather expectations. Meltdown prior to official descision? Taking the word of another student as "gospel"? I'm sorry, but she's got to toughen up. It sucks, but things don't work out sometimes. If choosing to go competitive, got to love multiple schools.

1. I hate ED, but whether this as ED or EA or RD, I think your daughter would be in the exact same boat.
2. For you and for her, you are NERVOUS. I was nervous last week and so was everyone else waiting results whether they admit it or not. That's normal for her and you and everyone.
3. Let's see how it goes! Stats don't mean everything. High Schools don't mean everything.
4. If she worked that hard for a super competitive school, she's going to be in GREAT shape for some of the other phenomenal schools. And she's got some time to figure it out if it doesn't go her way.
5. I'm a high anxiety person, so I get it. I was the "oh I failed" when in fact i got an A on every test. This is not a good thing in life. i passed up many opportunities because of anxiety and fear. It is a GOOD THING that she is pushing herself and putting herself on the line and never ever criticize her for that. you don't want her being timid in face of her anxiety. Praise her for taking chances, and then try to get her to move on.

Yeah this isn’t an ED problem. It could be the same for EA, RD, anytime a kid falls in love with a particular school and is worried about being reflected.

I have a kid who has her heart set on a school that she applied EA. While she isn’t at the point of falling apart in the counselor’s office, it will be a huge disappointment to her if she isn’t accepted. And I’ll be terribly disappointed for her if that happens.

But that’s life. Sometimes it happens for you, sometimes it doesn’t. Hopefully your DD has a plan B school that is a good fit.