Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 12:07     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!

I get it ..

The Christmas cards we've received for this year have been addressed to us as follows

Mr and Mrs LAST NAME
The LAST NAME's

Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 12:05     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:My ILs address holiday cards to Mr. husband’s full name and family. To me, this is also passive aggressive. They know me and kids for years, but they still treat me as an outsider.



Mine do too. I dont even have the same last name. I find it offensive but not b/c they are treating me like an outsider. I think it's because they think any insider would have the same name (apparently first and last) as their son
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 12:02     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.


Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.



If it hasn't worked by telling them directly what good will it do to shout about it here?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 12:01     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:I didn't even take his last name let alone his first name. Just send it to him alone if you don't care to know or acknowledge that.

ANYWAY


You're not the boss of me, Phillis. Stop being such a grump.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 12:00     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
My ILs address holiday cards to Mr. husband’s full name and family. To me, this is also passive aggressive. They know me and kids for years, but they still treat me as an outsider.

Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 12:00     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.

Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name.
My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated.
My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less.


We have told them multiple times that this bothers me. Like honestly, stop sending the card to someone who's told you that if you can't be bothered to take 30 seconds to update the spreadsheet. You don't know that they are fine when you address the card as if the wife simply doesn't exist - you just know they've told you it's fine. We've told them it's not fine.

I'm not dying on this hill. Won't even bring it up with them again since clearly doing so has no result. But, just, stop doing it. There is literally no reason on this good earth to keep addressing women by their husband's first name. It's so dumb, it's so old fashioned, it's so WRONG for so many of the people you know.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:59     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.

Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name.
My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated.
My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less.


Why would you address your cousin and your best friend by names that you know aren't theirs, regardless of how "fine" you think they are with it?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:52     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.


Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.



You sound offended, and they sound passive aggressive if you've brought it up to them.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:50     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Most people are very busy and once they have address the cards they don’t go back to the spreadsheet for another year. Give grace.

Neither my cousin nor-best friend took their husband’s name. Both are fine when we address cards to first name and first name husband’s last name.
My brother lives with a female partner, it’s a lot to write out first name, last name & first name, last name … and how do I include his DC in that? First name, last name & first name, last name and each DC name or + family (are they a family?). If I write to the last name family, (The Jones Family), this seems incorrect also. His partner does not share his last name. It’s complicated.
My MIL was irritated when a relative did not address the Christmas card with Dr. as opposed Mr./Mrs., could not care less.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:48     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
I didn’t know anyone still did that…it’s ridiculously outdated.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:48     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cannot care less what people call me, OP. I kept my name, and my kids have hyphenated names, but if people want to call all of us by my husband's last name, IT'S FINE. There are worse things in the world.


they are calling me by my husband's FIRST name


I’m totally with you, OP. It’s irritating.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:47     Subject: Re:stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
In social invitations, it is what is done. Then the inner card has your first names. In professional settings it is done differently.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:46     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Meh. This is not a hill to die on with regard to holiday cards. Agree it's annoying but NBD.

Professionally? Yes.

Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:46     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.


Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.



I'm sorry they intend to irritate you. But I don't think that's typical behavior.

I address my cards to however the person prefers to be addressed. My aunt didn't take my uncle's last name, but they like being Mr. and Mrs. <Husband's Last>-<Wife's Last> even though that's not actually either of their names. It's how they sign their own letters/cards.

Most people do the same.


"I address my cards to however the person prefers to be addressed."

I have told them multiple times I like to be addressed by my own name

And first of all, in this year of the lord no most people are not preferring to be called Mrs husband's first name. And second of all, that is specifically not how I like to be addressed. Which they know. And just don't bother updating in their little spreadsheet. It would take exactly 30 seconds to fix this.



I am routinely shocked by my formerly super activist feminist sister not only taking her husband's last name in the middle of her Big Career, but by addressing all invitations and cards to Mr and Mrs HusbandFirst HusbandLast.


That is weird! Did you ever ask her why?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2024 11:44     Subject: stop addressing cards to Mr and Mrs husband's first name!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not everything needs to be taken personally as though it was meant to offend you.


Except it's close family and we've brought it up with them a couple of times in years past already because I do not like it. I don't think it's MEANT to offend me. And I'm not offended. I'm irritated.



I'm sorry they intend to irritate you. But I don't think that's typical behavior.

I address my cards to however the person prefers to be addressed. My aunt didn't take my uncle's last name, but they like being Mr. and Mrs. <Husband's Last>-<Wife's Last> even though that's not actually either of their names. It's how they sign their own letters/cards.

Most people do the same.


"I address my cards to however the person prefers to be addressed."

I have told them multiple times I like to be addressed by my own name

And first of all, in this year of the lord no most people are not preferring to be called Mrs husband's first name. And second of all, that is specifically not how I like to be addressed. Which they know. And just don't bother updating in their little spreadsheet. It would take exactly 30 seconds to fix this.



I am routinely shocked by my formerly super activist feminist sister not only taking her husband's last name in the middle of her Big Career, but by addressing all invitations and cards to Mr and Mrs HusbandFirst HusbandLast.