Anonymous wrote:I teach my sons to run far far away from promiscuous girls. I show them all the examples around us wherever I can of men’s lives who were ruined by the choice the engage in one night stands, “friends with benefits”, and any other cheap premarital sex. Those men often end up with battling assault allegations, child support payments, STDs, heart hardening heartbreak, violent ex-lovers, etc. This is a major way that they can protect themselves. We teach and emphasize marriage instead and the success stories of those that choose reverent, conservative, and modest spouses. We also teach them to be reverent, conservative, and modest so as to attract the same energy.

As far as protecting others, well I don’t really think that is their job. Parents need to be teaching girls how to respect and protect themselves. Hence the reason for the other thread.

What monsters you are raising, just like Mommy Dearest. Yikes.

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

I prepared my DS to stay away from toxic women such as yourself and all of your immasculinating garbage that you spew on a daily basis. All men are not like this, just as all women, thankfully, are not like you. My DS and his friends look at you and ANY woman who thinks about them the way you do as psychotic. That is what his father and I would have taught him, fortunately he has his own brain and figured that out himself. You NEED serious mental healthcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was honestly hoping this thread would be about teaching boys to protect themselves, as statistically, your sons are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than you daughters.

But alas, it’s just more typical DCUM misandry.

Where are you getting your statistics? The problem is men. Men attack women and other men. How is that misandry?

Do you dispute that men are more likely than women to be *victims* of violent crime? Not victims of women, victims of violent crime?

By other men. But why is your conclusion it is all women's fault?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was honestly hoping this thread would be about teaching boys to protect themselves, as statistically, your sons are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than you daughters.

But alas, it’s just more typical DCUM misandry.

Where are you getting your statistics? The problem is men. Men attack women and other men. How is that misandry?

Do you dispute that men are more likely than women to be *victims* of violent crime? Not victims of women, victims of violent crime?

I think you are completely missing the point. If we teach men to channel their aggression in a healthy way, wouldn't that prevent them from being victims of violent crime? Men may be victims of violent crime more often than women (though I am not sure honestly) but it's because they are attacked by other MEN. So how is that misandry? You make no sense at all. Just trying to be DCUM witty and failing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was honestly hoping this thread would be about teaching boys to protect themselves, as statistically, your sons are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than you daughters.

But alas, it’s just more typical DCUM misandry.

Where are you getting your statistics? The problem is men. Men attack women and other men. How is that misandry?

Do you dispute that men are more likely than women to be *victims* of violent crime? Not victims of women, victims of violent crime?

Anonymous wrote:I was honestly hoping this thread would be about teaching boys to protect themselves, as statistically, your sons are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than you daughters.

But alas, it’s just more typical DCUM misandry.

Where are you getting your statistics? The problem is men. Men attack women and other men. How is that misandry?

I was honestly hoping this thread would be about teaching boys to protect themselves, as statistically, your sons are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than you daughters.

But alas, it’s just more typical DCUM misandry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

What about the boy dads? Any responsibility there?

Good point.

And I think there's no such thing as boymoms. It's a gross concept with little evidence that it's a real thing. Stop perpetuating it. Just because it was written in a viral article doesn't make it real.

My sons respect women as much as they do men. They have had school-based consent training in middle and high school. They have very little tolerance for being around substance abusers.

I have asked them to always step up and protect others, even if they could or friends could get in trouble. Call home. Call the ambulance. Call the police. Ask people if they need to be walked somewhere. Don't leave severely intoxicated people in situations where they could come to harm from weather, other people, stopping breathing, falling. Tell the truth and don't do things that have negative consequences. I've read them several articles about bad things tied to alcohol abuse at college.

Honestly, I think they are a bit afraid to date but they will get over it.

In my life, I was conservative about my travels and safety, and I have talked to them about the slightly unfair limitations I placed on myself. But I never came to any harm. Prudence AND good luck were on my side. They may also need to watch out in cities at night.

A lot of pain could be avoided if kids were careful about substances. That is a very big point of leverage in improving things. It starts with what is modeled in the home.

I believe that my sons have been more warned and prepared than I was. Except for maybe a few gym classes I had where I learned how to fight back if attacked.

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who isn't a toxic douchebag and the rest took care of itself. DS never showed the slightest hint of being that type of guy.

This! Leading by example. Treating all women with respect and as equals. We also have non-traditional gender roles in our home. My husband is a SAHD and I am the primary source of income.

His older sisters have really taken the lead on the rest. They put him in his place whenever he starts acting like DB.

My son is only 4.5 (and my daughter is 3) but we do a LOT of consent talk, equally and in the same way with both of them.

If there’s some play fighting and one kid says no while clearly having fun and still playing, I jump right in and separate them. “Larlo said no, and he’s in charge of his body. Step back.” We never require or even encourage hugs and cuddles, that’s fully at the kids discretion. Heck even sometimes if I need some space and a kid is hanging over me, I’ll say “mama needs her arm back” and if they don’t let go, I go right to a strongly worded “I’m in charge of my body and I said no” and pulling my arm away.

I know in the grand scheme of things, these are all little things with no real consequences at this stage. But if there is ONE phrase I’d like my kids to automatically regurgitate in that “ugh, I sound like my mother” way, it’s “she’s in charge of her body.”

As he gets older, obviously there will be more explicit talks about what this means sexually. I’d also really like it if my son was the kid at the party saying “yo, not cool, she’s drunk. Tell her friends to take her home.” But those conversations are obviously years away.

I have both a son and daughter. Read Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves. Boys are in trouble. Lots of loneliness and virtual activities that result in failure to launch, no social life, and in the extreme, falling in with internet crazies.

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who isn't a toxic douchebag and the rest took care of itself. DS never showed the slightest hint of being that type of guy.

I think it was also helpful that he was never interested in team sports and never exposed to locker room culture. He mostly hung out with music and theater types and always had a lot of female friends and a close relationship with his sister. He's in a 2+ year relationship with a woman he met in college (both in grad school now)

This is it, really. Having goals helps - DS was athletic but didn't even have sex in high school because he was bent on a college that doesn't allow dependents. But as long as they have role models, little preparation by the mother is needed.

100 percent I have talked to my son about how to protect himself from any accusations. The first thing is not to do it. I also tell him don't put yourself in a position where it's your word against hers because people won't believe you. So agree with advice a PP gave. Avoid drunk girls, handsy girls, hot and cold girls, and girls who generally seem all over the place and unpredictable. If your alarm bell is going off that you have someone a bit unhinged in your orbit, listen to your gut.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

What about the boy dads? Any responsibility there?

No. This thread is just more tiresome misogyny masquerading as concern for girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who isn't a toxic douchebag and the rest took care of itself. DS never showed the slightest hint of being that type of guy.

I think it was also helpful that he was never interested in team sports and never exposed to locker room culture. He mostly hung out with music and theater types and always had a lot of female friends and a close relationship with his sister. He's in a 2+ year relationship with a woman he met in college (both in grad school now)

This.

Douche dads, enabling and coddling moms who ignore and clean up their messes, and team sports (filled with more enabling adults) + likely a genetic predisposition to having an issue with alcohol = disaster

I wonder if Harvey Weinstein was more involved with team sports or the theater types…

Good one. Add to the list above douche dads, enabling moms, alcohol, + so ugly they have a lifelong complex. That incorporates a lot more men.