Anonymous wrote:Maybe its the old concept of “playing hard to get”. Guys think you are mean because you have the leverage to do so and have a bunch of options.

I personally think this last guy had some prior relationship trauma. His exW was an alcoholic and he was putting her through multiple rehabs. No she wasn’t nearly as attractive as I am but very smiley and outgoing when not drunk. I’m
an introvert, giving everything a long thought. Based on his other experiences descriptions, the women he dated were psychotic. Like, picking on him for nothing, overreacting etc

Maybe its the old concept of “playing hard to get”. Guys think you are mean because you have the leverage to do so and have a bunch of options.

Anonymous wrote:Human culture is hierarchical. Many if not most are nicer to those who rank more highly and less so to those lower on the totem pole. The women (and men—this goes both ways) who aren’t fawning over the person they are dating are seen as higher ranking. Everyone wants that thing they see as almost out of reach. Someone who does everything they can for you is not seen as that person.

Was it Chaplin who said he didn’t want to be a member of any club that would have him?

That exactly reflects my most recent experience. A guy was going out of his way asking out, calling, giving small gifts, trying to invite me to his party to meet all friends, even offering to loan his posh car when mine was under repairs. I only knew him for a few weeks so I partially accepted it, but gently delayed bigger advances like loaning his car. We didn’t have sex, but I told him I would be interested in a forestalled future, if we exchange tests…. He disappeared in a week. Not sure, maybe it has nothing to do with me not accepting material things and he got offended ( or maybe his test didn’t clear…)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attractive, kind and nice woman (deep in my heart, so I feel uncomfortable not to be reciprocal or accepting favors without giving back). I noticed that when I "use" the guy as a working horse - always ask him to do things for me, task with errands, decline dates that are not posh enough, and otherwise make him "serve" my interests they gets more and more attached. When I treat men nicely (invite over to my place to cook dinner, reciprocate with inviting them for dates etc), they quickly dump me. Like, within 2-3 weeks. But if I remain "mean", they continue "serving".

Did anyone else notice this phenomenon? Or am I a bad picker?

Wonder if you're not a bad picker so much as treating higher quality men better than the worse men. The worse men are competing and the good men are moving on no matter what you do because they have options. You may instinctively be separating the men and treating them differently.

In my younger days, I rarely dated a woman for more than 3 weeks because I'd gotten what I wanted and was ready for another.

I don’t treat men differently simply because I go out past date 3 with the very few men whom I perceive as “high quality” for me. Not sure what that means but these are men I’m attracted physically to, we are at least same intellectual level and lifestyle. That would be 2-3 guys in a year. I don’t sleep with anyone until after a month or two so maybe it’s the opposite: they move on to a lady that jumped him quicker…
I don’t know, I just date the way I’m comfortable

Interesting. Some men like to chase, and maybe you're activating that desire by being "mean."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attractive, kind and nice woman (deep in my heart, so I feel uncomfortable not to be reciprocal or accepting favors without giving back). I noticed that when I "use" the guy as a working horse - always ask him to do things for me, task with errands, decline dates that are not posh enough, and otherwise make him "serve" my interests they gets more and more attached. When I treat men nicely (invite over to my place to cook dinner, reciprocate with inviting them for dates etc), they quickly dump me. Like, within 2-3 weeks. But if I remain "mean", they continue "serving".

Did anyone else notice this phenomenon? Or am I a bad picker?

Wonder if you're not a bad picker so much as treating higher quality men better than the worse men. The worse men are competing and the good men are moving on no matter what you do because they have options. You may instinctively be separating the men and treating them differently.

In my younger days, I rarely dated a woman for more than 3 weeks because I'd gotten what I wanted and was ready for another.

I don’t treat men differently simply because I go out past date 3 with the very few men whom I perceive as “high quality” for me. Not sure what that means but these are men I’m attracted physically to, we are at least same intellectual level and lifestyle. That would be 2-3 guys in a year. I don’t sleep with anyone until after a month or two so maybe it’s the opposite: they move on to a lady that jumped him quicker…
I don’t know, I just date the way I’m comfortable

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most men like mean women. We can smell these creatures a mile away and run the other way.

That’s what men say, but in reality they are attracted to psycho women who use them in different ways.

I don't think thats necessarily the full story. Women are naturally more adept at manipulating men. We men are naturally predisposed to fall for charming women. And women know how to use their charm to attract men. But that's where it ends. Mean women quicky show their true faces and most men unless very desperate out of fear of being alone move away from these women

Human culture is hierarchical. Many if not most are nicer to those who rank more highly and less so to those lower on the totem pole. The women (and men—this goes both ways) who aren’t fawning over the person they are dating are seen as higher ranking. Everyone wants that thing they see as almost out of reach. Someone who does everything they can for you is not seen as that person.

Was it Chaplin who said he didn’t want to be a member of any club that would have him?

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attractive, kind and nice woman (deep in my heart, so I feel uncomfortable not to be reciprocal or accepting favors without giving back). I noticed that when I "use" the guy as a working horse - always ask him to do things for me, task with errands, decline dates that are not posh enough, and otherwise make him "serve" my interests they gets more and more attached. When I treat men nicely (invite over to my place to cook dinner, reciprocate with inviting them for dates etc), they quickly dump me. Like, within 2-3 weeks. But if I remain "mean", they continue "serving".

Did anyone else notice this phenomenon? Or am I a bad picker?

Wonder if you're not a bad picker so much as treating higher quality men better than the worse men. The worse men are competing and the good men are moving on no matter what you do because they have options. You may instinctively be separating the men and treating them differently.

In my younger days, I rarely dated a woman for more than 3 weeks because I'd gotten what I wanted and was ready for another.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most men like mean women. We can smell these creatures a mile away and run the other way.

That’s what men say, but in reality they are attracted to psycho women who use them in different ways.

I don't think most men like mean women. We can smell these creatures a mile away and run the other way.

But it seems like 80% of men like that attitude ! Once a woman reciprocates and invites him to a date, they think she is not “popular” and maybe she pays because nobody would ask her out. I think it’s the most men’s mentality.
Then they end up dating women who use them as wallets, they realize it, these relationships break apart.
But what’s interesting, the men are still unable to build it with a “good girl”! They keep stepping on the same rake over and over again

You seem to be attracting low quality men. Or you are attracted to low quality men.

You don't want a man that likes mean women. That man has issues of his own.

Anonymous wrote:Men seem to like a bit of a challenge.
Being easy doesn't align with that.

Also, you could just simply be a bad picker

I’m not easy I actually don’t sleep with anyone until after a month of dating; allow them to take me out and do some joint activities to find out more about each other etc. They all are talking about looking for a level-headed kind woman and how I fit this description. Maybe they are just all looking for easy lay and I’m not, so men loose interest if they feel like I’m delaying it by focusing on focusing a healthy relationship first.
But I don’t believe that being mean and using guys like that would lead to a healthy connection. The men I dated all broke up with the toxic GFs after a few months.
Sometimes I think that most men are unable to build a true partnership based connection

Men seem to like a bit of a challenge.
Being easy doesn't align with that.

Also, you could just simply be a bad picker