I'm thankful that schools have flags for this on the computer.

I would suggest group therapy with the 3 of you. This actually works and our young person is a lot better after getting things worked out. There is pain there and talking about it helps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different opinion. I’m not sure we have evidence that talking about feeling bad helps a person feel better. I would be wary of putting my child with whom I have a close relationship and who has said there’s nothing to worry about into therapy where he will constantly be asked how he’s feeling. Sometimes it’s better for feelings to be pushed down. That’s what humanity has done for thousands of years. We all think about suicide, I did at 14. And guess what, no one could see any search results because they were done at the library or nowhere because no information existed. I would tread very carefully here.

This is not a popular opinion, but I agree with it. There is research that shows that actually focusing on negative feelings, harping on feelings of sadness and depression - which are universal and a part of the human experience- actually make them worse.

Not saying the therapy can't help, just that it is not always needed. It's not some kind of magical cure. There are lots of ways for people to cope with the inevitable difficulties of life, and therapy is not the answer to everything. If he refuses to go, has no interest in therapy, and talks with you, focus on that, and other ways of supporting him.

I appreciate these perspectives. Mental health is so much harder to help than say a broken bone. He doesn’t refuse therapy but is kind of shrugging it off. I think the 30 minute check in I have scheduled for Thursday with his old therapist will be just that- a check in and nothing too serious. I’ll ask him how he fella after the check in and think about next steps

Anonymous wrote:Therapy is not the right move here

You don’t know for sure the solution.

Anonymous wrote:Mother of a kid with chronic suicidality here. You can’t MAKE anyone get anything out of therapy (trust me, I tried). But you can see the ped for an SSRI and get on the waiting list for a psychiatrist. You can lock up meds and sharks and make sure your home has no guns. The first things you should do are ask him if he has an active plan (if yes, go to Fairfax children’s or children’s). If not, do the above.

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Hugs to you- he does not have an active plan and scored low risk on a crisis assessment counselor gave him. Will cautiously look into SSRI’s as I understand they can cause suicidal thoughts, right?

Therapy is not the right move here

Would he rather go to the same old therapist or a new one? Those should be the only decisions within his control.

Mother of a kid with chronic suicidality here. You can’t MAKE anyone get anything out of therapy (trust me, I tried). But you can see the ped for an SSRI and get on the waiting list for a psychiatrist. You can lock up meds and sharks and make sure your home has no guns. The first things you should do are ask him if he has an active plan (if yes, go to Fairfax children’s or children’s). If not, do the above.

Your kid sounds like he has a lot of good things in his life. Unfortunately, the suicides I've known about happened with kids that had many strengths and positive aspects to their lives. So caution is warranted.

I would suggest that you screen and find some appropriate videos from suicide attempt survivors. Videos that convey a message you want to share with him. Ask him to watch them and discuss with you. Or watch them together. I have watched some of these. A lot say that they are grateful to be alive and that their suicide attempt was traceable to disordered thinking/lack of perspective. Maybe that's helpful. Kids like to learn from videos.

I am a bit leery of the counseling profession. I believe that genuinely loving and thoughtful conversations with parents can help with breakthroughs in thinking. So in addition to the professional help, maybe there are some additional resources you can bring to bear.

My kid (who has had issues, but is not suicidal) has benefitted from having online friends in Roblox. They are real kids and they have been a source of emotional support when local friends have let my son down. You might consider this within reason. There are okay games out there.

Also consider whether your son is overtired or has SAD. Maybe you could try a sunlight wakeup lamp as a mild intervention.

Anonymous wrote:I have a different opinion. I’m not sure we have evidence that talking about feeling bad helps a person feel better. I would be wary of putting my child with whom I have a close relationship and who has said there’s nothing to worry about into therapy where he will constantly be asked how he’s feeling. Sometimes it’s better for feelings to be pushed down. That’s what humanity has done for thousands of years. We all think about suicide, I did at 14. And guess what, no one could see any search results because they were done at the library or nowhere because no information existed. I would tread very carefully here.

This is not a popular opinion, but I agree with it. There is research that shows that actually focusing on negative feelings, harping on feelings of sadness and depression - which are universal and a part of the human experience- actually make them worse.

Not saying the therapy can't help, just that it is not always needed. It's not some kind of magical cure. There are lots of ways for people to cope with the inevitable difficulties of life, and therapy is not the answer to everything. If he refuses to go, has no interest in therapy, and talks with you, focus on that, and other ways of supporting him.

Anonymous wrote:I have a different opinion. I’m not sure we have evidence that talking about feeling bad helps a person feel better. I would be wary of putting my child with whom I have a close relationship and who has said there’s nothing to worry about into therapy where he will constantly be asked how he’s feeling. Sometimes it’s better for feelings to be pushed down. That’s what humanity has done for thousands of years. We all think about suicide, I did at 14. And guess what, no one could see any search results because they were done at the library or nowhere because no information existed. I would tread very carefully here.

This. Decent therapists are almost impossible to find. Do you talk every evening about his day?

Anonymous wrote:I would also ask the therapist and your pediatrician if they can get you a referral to a psychiatrist. You need to at least get evaluated to see if meds are in order.

you’ve got to be kidding

Meds asap!!

I wish your family all the best.
We seem to have blown right past "his father has been in a situational depression," haven't we?
Be sure to tell whoever is supposed to help kid.
He might be worried about his father.

No advice OP but I’m glad you got the appointment.

As a young teen, you might search terms out of curiosity but it’s also a stressful competitive world for kids these days and better to be safe than sorry.