Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31? You're out of time. You're not likely to find someone else in the next 4 years.

Stop that. My brother and SIL got married past the age of 31, and my SIL had her last baby at 43, no complications for her or the baby, and he's perfectly healthy and normal at almost 5. Stop scaring OP.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

It's risky to have kids past 35, and downright irresponsible to have them past 40.

Personal choice, 32 is a great year to get married if she hops quickly to initiate that divorce like she should

Anonymous wrote:Devil’s advocate: why not have a kid, since he is willing, and see how it goes?

He might do a 180 and fall in love when the kid is born. I did that (as a woman). I was ambivalent before and planned one mostly because due to social convention.

Or if he’s terrible, well at least you’ll get custody and some spousal support, which is better than doing it alone.

Don't be a crappy parent who willing brings a child into this.

Anonymous wrote:This is news to me, as we talked about it 100x during our engagement and I couldn't have been clearer with my plans and he agreed.
Do I break up with him, accept a shitty father (basically he said he will have kids but isn't invested), or accept no family for the rest of my life?
I am 31, only married for eight months, and already devastated. Has anyone else been through this?

The climate emergency we are experiencing as a planet means your husban is right and you are wrong, OP. The world does not revolve around you, you know.

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer tomorrow. Don’t look back.

+1

There is no fixing this. You will resent each other forever if you stay together

Honestly, this would be a solid legal basis for an annulment. Fraud. It’s a material lie to say you didn’t want kids now but lied about it before.


Get him to admit this in an audio discussion. Record him if you are in a one party state and then just file. It will be like it never happened.

Anonymous wrote:Devil’s advocate: why not have a kid, since he is willing, and see how it goes?

He might do a 180 and fall in love when the kid is born. I did that (as a woman). I was ambivalent before and planned one mostly because due to social convention.

Or if he’s terrible, well at least you’ll get custody and some spousal support, which is better than doing it alone.

I don’t know that this is a good idea. You’re betting 50/50 on whether your child will have a loving dad or not. Or maybe even 80/20 since he’s explicitly expressed no interest.

This is painful on many levels. He lied to you 100x over something he knew would be a dealbreaker. Divorce seems to be the only solution. Your husband deceived you and life is too short. Consider yourself fortunate that you're young and you don't have any kids yet with him.

Devil’s advocate: why not have a kid, since he is willing, and see how it goes?

He might do a 180 and fall in love when the kid is born. I did that (as a woman). I was ambivalent before and planned one mostly because due to social convention.

Or if he’s terrible, well at least you’ll get custody and some spousal support, which is better than doing it alone.

My friend was married to a guy who told her he didn’t want kids. So she didn’t have any. Ffwd to 8 years in, he divorced her and had 2 kids with the new wife.

Divorce. Not so much because you want different things but because he clearly lied to you all along knowing that you wouldn't marry him otherwise. That level of deceit and betrayal would kill any love I would have for someone. It would make me question the type of person I married and I don't think I would ever fully trust them again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31? You're out of time. You're not likely to find someone else in the next 4 years.

Stop that. My brother and SIL got married past the age of 31, and my SIL had her last baby at 43, no complications for her or the baby, and he's perfectly healthy and normal at almost 5. Stop scaring OP.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

It's risky to have kids past 35, and downright irresponsible to have them past 40.

I also vote to get rid of him. My husband was completely on board with having kids, but could not stand how much they took precedence over him and it destroyed our marriage. I can’t imagine starting off with someone who right off the bat says they don’t want to participate… it can’t end well. My stbx it’s always been more excited about kids than I was, and not too terribly lazy about contributing, although not great. And we still couldn’t make it work. Someone who has said right out front that they don’t feel like participating or helping or really liking their kids, sounds like a nightmare.

Anonymous wrote:31? You're out of time. You're not likely to find someone else in the next 4 years.

Stop that. My brother and SIL got married past the age of 31, and my SIL had her last baby at 43, no complications for her or the baby, and he's perfectly healthy and normal at almost 5. Stop scaring OP.

31? You're out of time. You're not likely to find someone else in the next 4 years.

Lawyer tomorrow. Don’t look back.