Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.

To each her own. And I applaud PP for sacrificing her career and being at peace with the present.

The path above would’ve killed me, regardless of my potential house size. Knowing my spouse and I were peers and I had to stop and he excelled?

I do not mean this with any harshness. Anyone who takes the above path ought to have an excellent life insurance policy on the earning spouse and an excellent post nup. Life is different for all of us and we have to live it.

Anonymous wrote:How much do you make?

Anonymous wrote:I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a good career to stay home. I might get back to it one day but no regrets so far. I will say that when you meet kids, it’s obvious which ones have a parent at home. People don’t like to hear it but it’s true. Once, I met some really good kids and was so confused because I heard their mom had a career but then I found out that the dad is at home with them.

Anonymous wrote:I went PT when our first was born, and went back to FT when the last one left for college. My salary took a hit, but the time with family and the flexibility were 110% worth it. Not to mention the ease at which I could fit in grocery shopping, doctors appointments for me and the kids, making fun holiday traditions for our family, etc., etc. Think about it, on your deathbed, would the wish really be, "more money, more work," or, "more time with family?"

There was one issue, the SAHMs considered me a working mom and the working moms considered me a SAHM, so in that sense I didn't really fit in. But all those random school days off, I was home (and hosted many kids in the neighborhood for a fun day); winter break - we traveled as a family (frequently to my parents who have now passed but lived in FL), summers - many weeks the kids were in camp, but we always took a 3-week vacation somewhere.

Zero regrets

Anonymous wrote:I went PT when our first was born, and went back to FT when the last one left for college. My salary took a hit, but the time with family and the flexibility were 110% worth it. Not to mention the ease at which I could fit in grocery shopping, doctors appointments for me and the kids, making fun holiday traditions for our family, etc., etc. Think about it, on your deathbed, would the wish really be, "more money, more work," or, "more time with family?"

There was one issue, the SAHMs considered me a working mom and the working moms considered me a SAHM, so in that sense I didn't really fit in. But all those random school days off, I was home (and hosted many kids in the neighborhood for a fun day); winter break - we traveled as a family (frequently to my parents who have now passed but lived in FL), summers - many weeks the kids were in camp, but we always took a 3-week vacation somewhere.

Zero regrets

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a good career to stay home. I might get back to it one day but no regrets so far. I will say that when you meet kids, it’s obvious which ones have a parent at home. People don’t like to hear it but it’s true. Once, I met some really good kids and was so confused because I heard their mom had a career but then I found out that the dad is at home with them.

Anonymous wrote:I am strongly considering quitting my job and am looking to hear from others who left a very demanding job after having kids, especially if you left when your kids were a bit older (vs just born).

My kids are both elementary age but I work way too much (55+ hours per week which often includes some night/weekend work) and my current boss / department is toxic. I have been blocked from taking family vacations due to important meetings, regularly have to take calls at night/early in the AM and often get stuck at the office late (or have to be in very early) for meetings. I get paid well but feel like I am missing out on so much of my kids’ life, and often take the stress of being pulled in 2 directions at once out on them.

At the same time I am terrified of leaving my job because I have worked to build my career over the past 20+ years. I don’t think I want to be a stay at home mom when my kids are gone from 8-3 daily. I would love to find something with more flexibility but don’t know if that exists but I know it would be a big step back salary wise.

For those who left a big corporate job, do you regret it? Did you end up staying home or did you find a different job that was better in the long run?