Anonymous
11/21/2024 11:36
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
That is what hotels are for. Make reservations, pay. Priceless.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 10:35
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Do you hate your MIL, OP? Because your post makes no sense otherwise.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 10:32
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I believe OP’s parents and her DH’s mom both live out of town. Her parents will be visiting with her over Christmas and will be staying in her home. She would love to invite her MIL to come celebrate Christmas with them too, but does not have enough room in her house for her MIL to also sleep at her house. She wonders if she could ask her BIL (MIL’s son) to host/house/provide accommodations for the MIL so that she can invite everyone to celebrate the holiday together.
I think this is a lovely idea. My sister and I routinely take turns hosting/housing our parents if the other one has the in-laws in town. OP, just run the idea by your BIL before you approach your MIL. Let him know you would love to have everyone celebrate the holiday at your house, but that you are unable to provide a bed for your MIL this time, as your parents are staying in your guest room. As him if he would be willing to house his mother so that you can have the whole family (obviously his family is included in this) over to celebrate the holiday together.
Op here. Yes, you have it right. I was thinking/worrying about this and was typing while getting the kids ready for school earlier today and my post is confusing.
So you have your DH call his brother and say, “Jessica’s family is staying with us for Christmas. Would you have Mom stay at your place? We’d like to include her but don’t have room for everyone to stay with us.”
Anonymous
11/21/2024 09:49
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Anonymous wrote:I believe OP’s parents and her DH’s mom both live out of town. Her parents will be visiting with her over Christmas and will be staying in her home. She would love to invite her MIL to come celebrate Christmas with them too, but does not have enough room in her house for her MIL to also sleep at her house. She wonders if she could ask her BIL (MIL’s son) to host/house/provide accommodations for the MIL so that she can invite everyone to celebrate the holiday together.
I think this is a lovely idea. My sister and I routinely take turns hosting/housing our parents if the other one has the in-laws in town. OP, just run the idea by your BIL before you approach your MIL. Let him know you would love to have everyone celebrate the holiday at your house, but that you are unable to provide a bed for your MIL this time, as your parents are staying in your guest room. As him if he would be willing to house his mother so that you can have the whole family (obviously his family is included in this) over to celebrate the holiday together.
Op here. Yes, you have it right. I was thinking/worrying about this and was typing while getting the kids ready for school earlier today and my post is confusing.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 09:40
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Just make it clear what you can and cannot do. You can host your parents this year; you cannot host your MIL. You can, perhaps, offer to get her a hotel room. If not, then you can provide her with a list of nearby hotels.
If she wants to ask BIL if she can stay with him, great. If not, fine. Not everyone has to celebrate everything together. If BIL steps up and offers, great. If not, fine. You can do what you can do. But you can't control BIL!
If she wants to ask BIL if she can stay with him, great. If not, fine. Not everyone has to celebrate everything together. If BIL steps up and offers, great. If not, fine. You can do what you can do. But you can't control BIL!
Anonymous
11/21/2024 09:15
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Absolutely reasonable expectation that BIL hosts MIL in his house while your parents are staying at yours.
When my parents come to stay with us, I want to give them undivided attention. Throwing in MIL in the mix for days on end would change the dynamic.
But everyone coming together for the actual festivities at your house would be lovely.
This is something I'd feel strongly about and ask DH to talk to his brother.
When my parents come to stay with us, I want to give them undivided attention. Throwing in MIL in the mix for days on end would change the dynamic.
But everyone coming together for the actual festivities at your house would be lovely.
This is something I'd feel strongly about and ask DH to talk to his brother.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 09:03
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
I believe OP’s parents and her DH’s mom both live out of town. Her parents will be visiting with her over Christmas and will be staying in her home. She would love to invite her MIL to come celebrate Christmas with them too, but does not have enough room in her house for her MIL to also sleep at her house. She wonders if she could ask her BIL (MIL’s son) to host/house/provide accommodations for the MIL so that she can invite everyone to celebrate the holiday together.
I think this is a lovely idea. My sister and I routinely take turns hosting/housing our parents if the other one has the in-laws in town. OP, just run the idea by your BIL before you approach your MIL. Let him know you would love to have everyone celebrate the holiday at your house, but that you are unable to provide a bed for your MIL this time, as your parents are staying in your guest room. As him if he would be willing to house his mother so that you can have the whole family (obviously his family is included in this) over to celebrate the holiday together.
I think this is a lovely idea. My sister and I routinely take turns hosting/housing our parents if the other one has the in-laws in town. OP, just run the idea by your BIL before you approach your MIL. Let him know you would love to have everyone celebrate the holiday at your house, but that you are unable to provide a bed for your MIL this time, as your parents are staying in your guest room. As him if he would be willing to house his mother so that you can have the whole family (obviously his family is included in this) over to celebrate the holiday together.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:41
Subject: Re:Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
I agree this is too confusing for us to give you a good answer OP. It may be better to post a clarifying post or ask Jeff to delete and repost it. It is unclear whose MIL it is - is it only your BIL's mother in law (for example, your sister's husband's mom?). It is common in my family for in-laws like this to join the other in-laws celebration. For example, my parents sometimes join celebrations with my husband's family. For thankgiving, my sister's husband's parents (so my sister's in-laws) will join our larger family celebration at sister's house. So her in-laws will be there, who aren't my in-laws or "technically" my family but that is very common for us.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:37
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Have your husband speak to his brother about their mother staying at BIL’s house. I do have a limit on how many I can host. It depends on bedroom and bathroom space.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:31
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
People really need to start getting hotels and AirBnBs. We do this and everything goes smoothly. Why does everyone need to sleep under the same roof? You can hang out for 12 hours and then decamp. Much less stressful.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:29
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Yes, it's reasonable for BIL to host MIL over the holidays.
It's also reasonable for BIL to NOT host MIL over the holidays.
It's his choice. You can make a suggestion, but it's NOT reasonable for you to expect him to do what you want.
If MIL does come to town and stays with BIL, it is very reasonable and quite lovely to invite them both over to join the holiday celebration at your house.
If BIL chooses not to host MIL, you don't have to either. Her choices are then to stay in a hotel, or stay home.
Bottom line, each person gets to decide what invitations are made for their own home. And any decision each homeowner makes is "reasonable".
It's also reasonable for BIL to NOT host MIL over the holidays.
It's his choice. You can make a suggestion, but it's NOT reasonable for you to expect him to do what you want.
If MIL does come to town and stays with BIL, it is very reasonable and quite lovely to invite them both over to join the holiday celebration at your house.
If BIL chooses not to host MIL, you don't have to either. Her choices are then to stay in a hotel, or stay home.
Bottom line, each person gets to decide what invitations are made for their own home. And any decision each homeowner makes is "reasonable".
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:28
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Anonymous wrote:Your post is incredibly confusing and muddy. None of it makes sense.
You’re upset that your brother-in-law wants to host his mother for Christmas and will have the audacity to then bring her to your house for Christmas?
“Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom and bring MIL to our house on Christmas Day?”
I agree it's confusing. I think the bolded is what the OP wants to happen, but someone -- the MIL? The BIL? DH? -- is objecting.
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:18
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Anonymous wrote:Your post is incredibly confusing and muddy. None of it makes sense.
You’re upset that your brother-in-law wants to host his mother for Christmas and will have the audacity to then bring her to your house for Christmas?
“Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom and bring MIL to our house on Christmas Day?”
I think maybe English isn’t op’s first language. Maybe the issue is mil wants to stay at op’s house, but her family is coming so she wants mil to stay with bil instead?
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:12
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
Your post is incredibly confusing and muddy. None of it makes sense.
You’re upset that your brother-in-law wants to host his mother for Christmas and will have the audacity to then bring her to your house for Christmas?
“Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom and bring MIL to our house on Christmas Day?”
You’re upset that your brother-in-law wants to host his mother for Christmas and will have the audacity to then bring her to your house for Christmas?
“Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom and bring MIL to our house on Christmas Day?”
Anonymous
11/21/2024 08:11
Subject: Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas
I think you’re saying “host” when you mean “have them stay with”.