Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:22     Subject: What do you think of this?
I see, so you and your DH didn't consider whether she needs a doctor's note. So if that is needed, who's going to obtain it?

Did you or your DH mark her as sick on any attendance app the school uses.

Did you or your DH reach out to the teacher to ask if there's any work the kid can do from home to stay up to date?

These are normal parenting things that the mom routinely does. It's what she thinks of as quality parenting. If you and your DH disagree, fine. But if it doesn't even cross your mind, that's a problem. Your DH needs to take more responsibility. Not leave his daughter to get the bare minimum from you and dump the rest on his ex.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:20     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, did you or your DH do a good job on these two days?

Did you make note of any fever and any medications given? In a co-parenting relationship it's important to keep track so that you don't, for example, accidentally double-dose Tylenol.

Did you determine whether she needs a note to return to school and have the absence be excused? At our school, four days out requires a doctor's note. And since Day 4 was on your DH's time, he's the one that should take care of getting an appointment, bringing her in, getting the note, and sending a copy to the school. Were you expecting the mom would do this? Why were you expecting that?

In general, if you're oblivious and your DH is oblivious or shirks these parenting responsibilities, then yes, you're going to have a bad co-parenting relationship. He shouldn't be Mr. Fun Daddy who never has to do anything boring. And if leaving the kid with you means that the bare minimum of parenting happens but no more, then the mom is going to push

Why would "I" expect mom to do anything? I have no idea what her school expects. That's between them. I filled in a gap. "Bare minimum"? Let's see. Dad gave her Tylenol before he left. That was the last she needed it. Periodic temp checks were fine. She had snacks available and things to do. She could come and get me if she wanted something. She did a couple of puzzles in my office when she wanted company. I took breaks to check in with her. Home made soup for lunch. That was all communicated to dad at the end of the day. What he shares with mom is up to him.

See, this is the type of response I expected and why I initially didn't indicate my role.


So was the doctor's note needed, or not? Or were you both oblivious so you don't even know?


You and your questioning are irrelevant to the question that was asked. You are clearly brining your baggage to this conversation, which is why the OP didn't immediately say she's the step mom.

--NP
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:20     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


Nobody's disputing that he had a meeting. But did you do a good job?


You are very strange.


There's really nothing strange about wanting a sick child to be cared for in a quality manner. And there's nothing strange about wanting the parent with custody on the relevant day to handle the doctor's note if there is one.


She already said that the mother asked her to care for the same child in the past when SHE had a meeting. Presumably, she trusted OP then so you repeatedly asking if she did a "good job" is just annoying. Also, the other parent, the father thought she did a great job. What business is it of yours and why does your curiously need to be satisfied?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:19     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


Nobody's disputing that he had a meeting. But did you do a good job?


Who determines that? You?

Are you a good parent or just an internet shrew? I'm inclined to think just the latter.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:16     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, did you or your DH do a good job on these two days?

Did you make note of any fever and any medications given? In a co-parenting relationship it's important to keep track so that you don't, for example, accidentally double-dose Tylenol.

Did you determine whether she needs a note to return to school and have the absence be excused? At our school, four days out requires a doctor's note. And since Day 4 was on your DH's time, he's the one that should take care of getting an appointment, bringing her in, getting the note, and sending a copy to the school. Were you expecting the mom would do this? Why were you expecting that?

In general, if you're oblivious and your DH is oblivious or shirks these parenting responsibilities, then yes, you're going to have a bad co-parenting relationship. He shouldn't be Mr. Fun Daddy who never has to do anything boring. And if leaving the kid with you means that the bare minimum of parenting happens but no more, then the mom is going to push


Excuse the rotten quoting, here is the reply:

Why would "I" expect mom to do anything? I have no idea what her school expects. That's between them. I filled in a gap. "Bare minimum"? Let's see. Dad gave her Tylenol before he left. That was the last she needed it. Periodic temp checks were fine. She had snacks available and things to do. She could come and get me if she wanted something. She did a couple of puzzles in my office when she wanted company. I took breaks to check in with her. Home made soup for lunch. That was all communicated to dad at the end of the day. What he shares with mom is up to him.

See, this is the type of response I expected and why I initially didn't indicate my role.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:16     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, did you or your DH do a good job on these two days?

Did you make note of any fever and any medications given? In a co-parenting relationship it's important to keep track so that you don't, for example, accidentally double-dose Tylenol.

Did you determine whether she needs a note to return to school and have the absence be excused? At our school, four days out requires a doctor's note. And since Day 4 was on your DH's time, he's the one that should take care of getting an appointment, bringing her in, getting the note, and sending a copy to the school. Were you expecting the mom would do this? Why were you expecting that?

In general, if you're oblivious and your DH is oblivious or shirks these parenting responsibilities, then yes, you're going to have a bad co-parenting relationship. He shouldn't be Mr. Fun Daddy who never has to do anything boring. And if leaving the kid with you means that the bare minimum of parenting happens but no more, then the mom is going to push

Why would "I" expect mom to do anything? I have no idea what her school expects. That's between them. I filled in a gap. "Bare minimum"? Let's see. Dad gave her Tylenol before he left. That was the last she needed it. Periodic temp checks were fine. She had snacks available and things to do. She could come and get me if she wanted something. She did a couple of puzzles in my office when she wanted company. I took breaks to check in with her. Home made soup for lunch. That was all communicated to dad at the end of the day. What he shares with mom is up to him.

See, this is the type of response I expected and why I initially didn't indicate my role.


So was the doctor's note needed, or not? Or were you both oblivious so you don't even know?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:15     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


Nobody's disputing that he had a meeting. But did you do a good job?


You are very strange.


There's really nothing strange about wanting a sick child to be cared for in a quality manner. And there's nothing strange about wanting the parent with custody on the relevant day to handle the doctor's note if there is one.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:14     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:OP, did you or your DH do a good job on these two days?

Did you make note of any fever and any medications given? In a co-parenting relationship it's important to keep track so that you don't, for example, accidentally double-dose Tylenol.

Did you determine whether she needs a note to return to school and have the absence be excused? At our school, four days out requires a doctor's note. And since Day 4 was on your DH's time, he's the one that should take care of getting an appointment, bringing her in, getting the note, and sending a copy to the school. Were you expecting the mom would do this? Why were you expecting that?

In general, if you're oblivious and your DH is oblivious or shirks these parenting responsibilities, then yes, you're going to have a bad co-parenting relationship. He shouldn't be Mr. Fun Daddy who never has to do anything boring. And if leaving the kid with you means that the bare minimum of parenting happens but no more, then the mom is going to push

Why would "I" expect mom to do anything? I have no idea what her school expects. That's between them. I filled in a gap. "Bare minimum"? Let's see. Dad gave her Tylenol before he left. That was the last she needed it. Periodic temp checks were fine. She had snacks available and things to do. She could come and get me if she wanted something. She did a couple of puzzles in my office when she wanted company. I took breaks to check in with her. Home made soup for lunch. That was all communicated to dad at the end of the day. What he shares with mom is up to him.

See, this is the type of response I expected and why I initially didn't indicate my role.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:14     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


Nobody's disputing that he had a meeting. But did you do a good job?


You are very strange.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:12     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


Nobody's disputing that he had a meeting. But did you do a good job?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:09     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


You are fine. Let him handle the ex. I'd move on mentally if you can.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:08     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


It's fine that you did it this one time, if you did a good job. But you need to look at the bigger picture here. Great that he has taken time off for appointments and stuff before. But is he really doing his actual fair, agreed-upon share? Or are you just giving him the applause for doing some of it, because your expectations are low for men?


Geez, I wonder why OP didn't disclose that she is a stepmom from the get-go.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:07     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


You did absolutely nothing wrong and everyone should be thanking you for stepping in.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:06     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.


It's fine that you did it this one time, if you did a good job. But you need to look at the bigger picture here. Great that he has taken time off for appointments and stuff before. But is he really doing his actual fair, agreed-upon share? Or are you just giving him the applause for doing some of it, because your expectations are low for men?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2024 11:06     Subject: What do you think of this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mom is upset that Dad didn't take time off. If she had hired a babysitter she would have had to pay; Dad didn't have to pay anyone and was still able to go to work. Stepmom was still able to do her job while periodically checking on the child, so their household didn't lose any income.

I don't know if Mom is mad that it was stepmom at home caring for the child,or that she lost income and nobody else did.



Here's a third possibility. She wants her child to have a strong relationship with her father, and when he fobs her off on a stepmom instead of caring for her, that's an opportunity missed. Yes it's only a day or two, but childhood is made of days. And when you're divorced and you've lost 50% or more of your parenting time, every day counts. Is he a Disneyland Dad that only joins for the fun stuff and avoids the day-to-day and the boring stuff?

I also don't think it's very good parenting to just be periodically checking on the child. If she's almost healthy enough for school, you should be trying to utilize her time in a more worthwhile manner, so that it's not two days of TV or just lolling around. If the ex thinks her child is getting the bare minimum in your household, you'll never have a good co-parenting relationship.


She should have stayed married to him then. You don't get to control your ex once you divorce. And before you come at me, I'm a divorced mom and not a stepmom to anyone.