Anonymous
11/19/2024 13:35
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
I just deliver the message to my DH if it’s not something easy. My MIL would definitely relish an opportunity to boss me around. At her other child’s house (where I’m also a guest) I’d just pass the request back to one of her kids.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 13:10
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Why didn't you just say it's not my house and I don't know where condensed milk is or even if they have it? I'd certainly bring condensed milk in my own house if asked, but not in BILs. They could have asked their other DIL or went to kitchen themselves. I understand water or something, but if so particular, then hell no.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 13:06
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
I only did this type of serving when my parents became older and less mobile.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 13:04
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you.
OP here. This doesn't make sense to me. It was their son's home. They felt uncomfortable, so they turned to a non-related person to dig through their son's cabinets?
Anyways, yes it was for tea. They don't like regular milk with their tea, and that's what was served. They asked me to get them condensed milk instead. I don't mind getting water or an extra napkin or something, but I felt very uncomfortable being asked to dig through their fridge/cabinets looking for random, less common things.
My mom would never do this, so it definitely felt a bit weird being ordered to serve people in someone elses place. Interesting responses, thank you all for sharing your experiences!
You haven’t answered the cultural part. Not sure where drinking tea with condensed milk is popular but it’s probably from a culture where elders must be respected at all costs. So a lot of people won’t be able to relate here because they don’t come from a culture where waiting on the elders is customary.
If drinking tea with condensed milk was common in this culture, wouldn't it be served with it? Instead of having to specially request it?
It’s a childs birthday party. Maybe the rest of the guests were drinking juice boxes and water.
And wine? LOL
Anonymous
11/19/2024 12:39
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you.
OP here. This doesn't make sense to me. It was their son's home. They felt uncomfortable, so they turned to a non-related person to dig through their son's cabinets?
Anyways, yes it was for tea. They don't like regular milk with their tea, and that's what was served. They asked me to get them condensed milk instead. I don't mind getting water or an extra napkin or something, but I felt very uncomfortable being asked to dig through their fridge/cabinets looking for random, less common things.
My mom would never do this, so it definitely felt a bit weird being ordered to serve people in someone elses place. Interesting responses, thank you all for sharing your experiences!
You haven’t answered the cultural part. Not sure where drinking tea with condensed milk is popular but it’s probably from a culture where elders must be respected at all costs. So a lot of people won’t be able to relate here because they don’t come from a culture where waiting on the elders is customary.
If drinking tea with condensed milk was common in this culture, wouldn't it be served with it? Instead of having to specially request it?
It’s a childs birthday party. Maybe the rest of the guests were drinking juice boxes and water.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 12:27
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you.
OP here. This doesn't make sense to me. It was their son's home. They felt uncomfortable, so they turned to a non-related person to dig through their son's cabinets?
Anyways, yes it was for tea. They don't like regular milk with their tea, and that's what was served. They asked me to get them condensed milk instead. I don't mind getting water or an extra napkin or something, but I felt very uncomfortable being asked to dig through their fridge/cabinets looking for random, less common things.
My mom would never do this, so it definitely felt a bit weird being ordered to serve people in someone elses place. Interesting responses, thank you all for sharing your experiences!
You haven’t answered the cultural part. Not sure where drinking tea with condensed milk is popular but it’s probably from a culture where elders must be respected at all costs. So a lot of people won’t be able to relate here because they don’t come from a culture where waiting on the elders is customary.
If drinking tea with condensed milk was common in this culture, wouldn't it be served with it? Instead of having to specially request it?
Anonymous
11/19/2024 12:18
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
I tend to always serve my parents now, especially my mom. She was an amazing homemaker who refused help when she was younger and took care of everyone. Now she is 70, has some physical limitations. Basically everyone fights to serve her so she can relax and have everything she needs anywhere she is. With my in-laws? Totally different and I would not serve them because they are not from that culture of nurturing others.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 12:09
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you.
OP here. This doesn't make sense to me. It was their son's home. They felt uncomfortable, so they turned to a non-related person to dig through their son's cabinets?
Anyways, yes it was for tea. They don't like regular milk with their tea, and that's what was served. They asked me to get them condensed milk instead. I don't mind getting water or an extra napkin or something, but I felt very uncomfortable being asked to dig through their fridge/cabinets looking for random, less common things.
My mom would never do this, so it definitely felt a bit weird being ordered to serve people in someone elses place. Interesting responses, thank you all for sharing your experiences!
You haven’t answered the cultural part. Not sure where drinking tea with condensed milk is popular but it’s probably from a culture where elders must be respected at all costs. So a lot of people won’t be able to relate here because they don’t come from a culture where waiting on the elders is customary.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 12:07
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you.
OP here. This doesn't make sense to me. It was their son's home. They felt uncomfortable, so they turned to a non-related person to dig through their son's cabinets?
Anyways, yes it was for tea. They don't like regular milk with their tea, and that's what was served. They asked me to get them condensed milk instead. I don't mind getting water or an extra napkin or something, but I felt very uncomfortable being asked to dig through their fridge/cabinets looking for random, less common things.
My mom would never do this, so it definitely felt a bit weird being ordered to serve people in someone elses place. Interesting responses, thank you all for sharing your experiences!
PP. Forgot that it was BIL's house. So it might have been "Our son is too busy with the party, so we'll ask you."
Anonymous
11/19/2024 11:14
Subject: Re:Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Yes. I am expected to serve everyone else at every single family party except at my husband’s aunt’s house. I still help her and she is so appreciative but everyone else expects it and if I don’t act fast enough or anticipate needs of others enough, I get called out in my own family.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 10:54
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
I serve c***, as the young people say.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 10:53
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
We are all a big family so no, this would not be weird at a gathering for my family. We also help each others kids if they need something obvious.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 10:42
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:They wanted things and felt awkward to ask/get themselves in someone else's house, so they turned to you.
OP here. This doesn't make sense to me. It was their son's home. They felt uncomfortable, so they turned to a non-related person to dig through their son's cabinets?
Anyways, yes it was for tea. They don't like regular milk with their tea, and that's what was served. They asked me to get them condensed milk instead. I don't mind getting water or an extra napkin or something, but I felt very uncomfortable being asked to dig through their fridge/cabinets looking for random, less common things.
My mom would never do this, so it definitely felt a bit weird being ordered to serve people in someone elses place. Interesting responses, thank you all for sharing your experiences!
Anonymous
11/19/2024 09:01
Subject: Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
If there are no mobility issues absolutely not.
Anonymous
11/19/2024 06:39
Subject: Re:Do you "serve" your parents/ ILs when at someone elses home?
Anonymous wrote:If they’re elderly, unwell or have limited mobility, sure, I’m happy to help. If they just like giving orders, I’m going to put some distance between us.
+1