OP, the elder is my husband, and he can't eat solid foods or easily or enjoyably sit at the table.

But I do still host, because I am important and I matter, and I want to have friends and family here to celebrate.

The only time I would consider canceling would be if he were dying, like on hospice? And likely to pass within the next 6 months, and if he really hated the idea or noise of a social gathering.

We had to do this the year my dad was dying of cancer. He ate applesauce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your elder live with you? If not maybe celebrate with them a day before or after?

Yes lives with me.

That makes it tough. Are they in a position where you can talk to them about it and ask them what they’d like to do? Depending on what ailments they have they may want visitors. My mom with dementia would be too overwhelmed but my dad (who ultimately passed from cancer) would have loved having people over.

This is true, she would not mind seeing some people.

I think maybe we can keep it to immediate family plus the people she would want to see.

To the pp
Yes she is mostly bedridden.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your elder live with you? If not maybe celebrate with them a day before or after?

Yes lives with me.

That makes it tough. Are they in a position where you can talk to them about it and ask them what they’d like to do? Depending on what ailments they have they may want visitors. My mom with dementia would be too overwhelmed but my dad (who ultimately passed from cancer) would have loved having people over.