Anonymous wrote:My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

The bolded sentence confuses me. What's disrespectful?

My senior ds has had a girlfriend for about six months. We know they are having sex (dh had talk with ds about it). His girlfriend is very good friend with dd too, and I'd have zero issue with her sleeping at our house if needed (she lives a little far away), but I am not okay with her staying in ds's room. With dd, in spare room...fine anytime. Is it hypocritical? Perhaps, but to me sleeping together under one roof is more of a committed/married level behavior. Dh and I didn't do that until years into our relationship at our respective parents' place. It's just a matter of respect.

Anonymous wrote:In HS, no.

They are now 19/20y in college and I would let DS and his long term (3+y) stay together. I know they have had se% and they are both adults.

Same. 2 in college and if boyfriends stay over I don’t care.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t allow this. But I’m surprised at the responses here. It seems most people on DCUM are cool with their teens having sex, so why object to a sleepover?

Some of us do but why post here when you get responses like the above? DCUM in no way represents real like.

So much hypocrisy here!

My parents were fine with it when I was 17 and 18.

If you say it’s inevitable you then should accept it.

I say this from the comfortable stand point of having a 15 year old who is several years off it seems from being in this situation.

I am also intrigued by the responses that convey acceptance about sex as inevitable but sleeping, literally sleeping, in the same room being totally unacceptable. The first is where the dangers lie.

It is sort of collective denial. It seems most parents are okay with sex (or not willing to take the drastic measures that would be needed to stop it) but don't want to be perceived as being okay with sex. The only thing allowing sleepovers does is make permission obvious.

You all are deluding yourself. We allow it on occasions, to facilitate situations where they're getting back from something super late or leaving for something super early in the morning. I do feel some hesitation/fear judgement when I've mentioned it to other parents, but I often wonder why, since nothing is happening that wouldn't be happening if we didn't allow it. No one has actually expressed judgement, though, so this may be my own insecurity.

Obviously, talks have been had, contraception is in place. This was all long before relationship had gone on long enough for us to allow sleepovers. DC was already in 12th at this point, and significant other is one year older (goes to local college).

Anonymous wrote:Do I "allow" it? No. Has it happened under my roof when I wasn't home? Of course it has.

I keep a box of condoms in the bathroom closet and they know it's there.

I should add none of my kids tried "sleepovers". They know that would never be allowed.

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t even allowed under the same roof with the sun shining if parents aren’t home.

In the same bedroom?! Not going to happen here. Not even in college.

Same.

Do I "allow" it? No. Has it happened under my roof when I wasn't home? Of course it has.

I keep a box of condoms in the bathroom closet and they know it's there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t allow this. But I’m surprised at the responses here. It seems most people on DCUM are cool with their teens having sex, so why object to a sleepover?

We expect them to sneak around like we did. We want plausible deniability.

😂 but true

If both parents know the partner well and approve of their character, and both teens are mature enough to have a conversation about responsible, safe sex with each other, and each one is mature enough to have conversation with a parent about responsible, respectful, safe sex, and both get a sexual health checkup/tests from a medical clinic, and the girl is on chemical birth control, then I’d allow it.

The request for a sleepover is a great way to motivate the teen to think about these issues and what a serious step sex is.

Anonymous wrote:Was just talking to my therapist today about how my mother allowed my sister to do this in hs. My sister feels it was neglect at best.

I'm pretty open about sexuality and I think it is a very natural thing for teenagers to be sexually active. But I would not allow this. No way. It's not appropriate at all.

This is always a curious position to me. Natural and healthy for kids to be sexually active but “totally inappropriate “ to have anything happen at one of their houses? So healthy and normal…in the car? The truth is kids want privacy and if parents are around, they’re probably not going to get it so I think it’s pretty unlikely too many kids want to have sleepovers when their parents are home. but I do think it’s a society we have to revisit our weird contradictory positions around sexuality.

In HS, no.

They are now 19/20y in college and I would let DS and his long term (3+y) stay together. I know they have had se% and they are both adults.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t allow this. But I’m surprised at the responses here. It seems most people on DCUM are cool with their teens having sex, so why object to a sleepover?

We expect them to sneak around like we did. We want plausible deniability.

Anonymous wrote:They aren’t even allowed under the same roof with the sun shining if parents aren’t home.

In the same bedroom?! Not going to happen here. Not even in college.

LOL good luck with that