It sounds like you've made up your mind OP and that you came on this board looking for justification for your behavior. No one agrees with you.

If you feel that strongly I'd call up the other parents and tell them you are sick or something broke in your house and you can no longer host. Ask them if they can host. Then you don't have to see the kid you so unreasonably dislike and your child will hopefully still be invited and you won't look like a freak in front of the other parents and their kids.

I know of only one kid who got banned from someone's house but this kid broke multiple items over many visits, regularly got into fistfights with other kids, said lots of inappropriate things including making sexual and sexist remarks, and would talk back to the parents when given a simple request like please take off your muddy shoes before walking on the white carpet. His parents were also checked out and thought their kid was perfect and even when they saw him hit another kid they didn't do anything.

This is really extreme and it does not seem like it's the case with your child's friend at all.

What do you know about this except what your child has told you? If you knew this before why did you offer to host? Have you tried to address the behavior with the kid or his parents? How do you know if anything is true?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d let the boys handle it.

This. I don’t understand why you are getting involved.

DP but it's at her home.

She shouldn't have offered to host then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d let the boys handle it.

This. I don’t understand why you are getting involved.

DP but it's at her home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does this part have anything to do with it? "We live in a rural area that is not very diverse and one of the boys in the group is Asian"

You don't sound like a nice person OP. You do not disinvite kids at this vulnerable age or ever unless they have done something horrible. You just can't do that without possibly sending them into a terrible depression. It's cruel and something they would carry forever.

You can advise your child to distance himself from this friend later.

Kids this age are pushing boundaries. I cannot tell you how many "nice" kids I knew threw out racial slurs during this age. It's never okay to do that but it's also something they need to learn.

Be the adult. Think like an adult. Show some kindness.

Thank you. You don’t know me but you’ve judged me.

Did you bring up the you're Asian too and live in a rural area because you find this child embarrassing and you don't want your child associated with this child with your neighbors? What's really going on OP?

If my heard son's friend's mom disinvited someone in his friend group I would offer to host so the child could be included.

I get trying to teach the child a lesson and it being your home and all but it's a few days before Halloween and he's a tween/young teen. It seems so... petty and meddling.

You can decline to host in the future if the child is invited. You can encourage your son not to be friend with this child. But disinviting a kid at this point is going too far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends may just decide to go elsewhere and exclude your son. Is that an acceptable consequence?

Yes.

It’s acceptable to op. It may not be acceptable to her son.

Her son will probably say “my mom says Jack can’t come” and the boys will probably say “Larlo’s mom is lame let’s go to Aidans house instead.”

Then what, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends may just decide to go elsewhere and exclude your son. Is that an acceptable consequence?

Yes.

It’s acceptable to op. It may not be acceptable to her son.

Anonymous wrote:What does this part have anything to do with it? "We live in a rural area that is not very diverse and one of the boys in the group is Asian"

You don't sound like a nice person OP. You do not disinvite kids at this vulnerable age or ever unless they have done something horrible. You just can't do that without possibly sending them into a terrible depression. It's cruel and something they would carry forever.

You can advise your child to distance himself from this friend later.

Kids this age are pushing boundaries. I cannot tell you how many "nice" kids I knew threw out racial slurs during this age. It's never okay to do that but it's also something they need to learn.

Be the adult. Think like an adult. Show some kindness.

Thank you. You don’t know me but you’ve judged me.

Anonymous wrote:The friends may just decide to go elsewhere and exclude your son. Is that an acceptable consequence?

Yes.

The friends may just decide to go elsewhere and exclude your son. Is that an acceptable consequence?

Anonymous wrote:Just let them handle it. Avoid reading what they're saying if it offends you, and if it offends your son, he can/should call it out.

+1
8th grade is old enough for him to handle it.

What does this part have anything to do with it? "We live in a rural area that is not very diverse and one of the boys in the group is Asian"

You don't sound like a nice person OP. You do not disinvite kids at this vulnerable age or ever unless they have done something horrible. You just can't do that without possibly sending them into a terrible depression. It's cruel and something they would carry forever.

You can advise your child to distance himself from this friend later.

Kids this age are pushing boundaries. I cannot tell you how many "nice" kids I knew threw out racial slurs during this age. It's never okay to do that but it's also something they need to learn.

Be the adult. Think like an adult. Show some kindness.

Just let them handle it. Avoid reading what they're saying if it offends you, and if it offends your son, he can/should call it out.

Let your kid work it out. If he wants to disinvite him let him handle it. I'm wondering why he invited the kid in the first place.