Anonymous wrote:I don’t remember witnessing grown men loose their temper like I have recently. Things like screaming and saying mean things and then acting like nothing happened. And the kids are witnessing this. Our house consists of walking on eggshells so Dad doesn’t get triggered and loose his junk.
We’re not the only family who deals with this.
What’s going on

Not “only” but what you describe is neither normal nor common.

Anonymous wrote:Sadly, this is not new.

+1

Very few people actually have good emotional regulation skills. A lot of people who think they do are just masters of repression and denial, and blow up "on occasion" to vent everything they've stuffed.

I don't know a whole lot of people my age who got good emotional IQ skills from their parents. I know a lot of parents my age who are trying to learn better so they can give their kids better, but this isn't an overnight process. And when you don't have good regulation yourself, it's challenging to deal with disregulated kids.

Add to this a culture that says men don't have feelings, feelings are bad, women and their feelings are problems... Yeah, very few men have good emotional regulation skills, or even the opportunity to pursue improving them.

I agree that both genders have this problem. I really think intensive parenting is part of it. I’m on board but being with little kids all the time and trying to engage with them respectfully is exhausting.

Men just expressing their emotions openly is another form of toxic masculinity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real men don’t have emotions.

Yeah, I’d prefer it this way.

+1

Men who express their emotions- good or bad - are gross.

This is as much women as men. My wife used to do this and it almost cost her me and our kids. She finally got the help she needed.

Anonymous wrote:Real men don’t have emotions.

Yeah, I’d prefer it this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It starts with raising your sons to realize they are not more important than others, especially females. And also, teach your sons that emotions are not the enemy that needs suppressed.

It happens because men are used to getting their way and can't handle their emotions when they don't.

Your misandry is blinding you to the truth.

- some women also have anger problems
- not all men do
- you are asking men to suppress (control) their emotions while saying that the problem is men being taught to suppress their emotions

They do not need to suppress their emotions - they need to control their behavior!!
Emotions do not equal behavior.
The behavior is the issue.

+1

They need to acknowledge and express their emotions in a healthy way. Otherwise they drive behavior that is out of control and destructive to the people around them, including their kids.

I grew up with a father that refused to do this. Went to his grave believing he was entitled to lost his sh!t and the rest of us just had to deal with it. But we chose otherwise.

Once we went to college, we mostly kept our distance and let him tantrum without us. My sibling and I both married more even-keeled people who were better able to deal with their anger, and more importantly, regulate their behavior.

Your teens are watching you, OP. They’re aware that you’re tolerating this behavior, which means you are sacrificing THEIR well-being. Because no child or teen should grow up in a home with an explosive parent. It causes tremendous pain and leaves a dark legacy.

You are the adult in the house. Get yourself a therapist and make a plan to confront your husband. Your kids are watching and they need you to step up.

Those men vote for Harris.

My stepfather was like this and to a lesser extent my dad, but only when he was really sauced. I think men are better now than in the past because women don’t have to put up with it—we can earn our own money and aren’t dependent on a man child for food and shelter.

Get away from this loser and start spelling it "lose."

NP: This is happening at our house. 15 yo DC wanted out of doing dishes last night and was afraid to ask. So, I told him she wasn't going to do them, and it turned into an emotional ordeal because I told him she wasn't doing them versus asking him. I told him we we were both nervous and now a day later he is still sad, angry, upset. It's a little scary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It starts with raising your sons to realize they are not more important than others, especially females. And also, teach your sons that emotions are not the enemy that needs suppressed.

It happens because men are used to getting their way and can't handle their emotions when they don't.

Your misandry is blinding you to the truth.

- some women also have anger problems
- not all men do
- you are asking men to suppress (control) their emotions while saying that the problem is men being taught to suppress their emotions

They do not need to suppress their emotions - they need to control their behavior!!
Emotions do not equal behavior.
The behavior is the issue.

emhoff