I’m 50 and don’t look a day over 55.

I feel great about myself in my forties. Part of it is that I'm financially secure, healthy, happily enough married, and fit as ever. I don't seek approval from strangers anymore, so I don't have the eating disorder that plagued me in my twenties. Men still hit on me as much as ever, and I think a big part is that I move through life more confidently now.

When I'm buying beer or wine at Safeway at the self checkout I like to plat a game where I ask the attendant to guess my birth year before scanning my license. Yesterady the guy guessed 1988. I was born in '71

Most women who think they pass for 10+ years younger don’t. It’s a lie they convinced themselves.

I am 39. I look 39. I actually love being 39 so this is not a problem.

I'm in my early 30s and get mistaken for late 20s all the time. But there's no way anyone would would think I'm in my early 20s. I work with young people in their early 20s all the time, and they look like kids to me. I doubt I'll encounter a 40+ year old and think she looks like a kid.

Women over 40 aren't supposed to be seen at all, let alone seen as sexy. "40-year olds" in movies are played by women in their late 20s. Actually-40-year-old women play their grandmothers. It's all a part of the capitalist youth-obsessed culture that says women have to starve and slave to stay young in order to be of value to men.

If you want to be seen as viable breeding stock, I guess it holds true. If you're even slightly more intellectual than base mammalian drives, it's really easy to see beauty culture for what it is. Experience is beautiful. Life well-lived is beautiful. This board runs pretty shallow, physically and intellectually, so yeah, there are a lot of "old women are hags" posts here.

I, for one, have embraced hagdom, as it makes it really easy to weed out the people who are only interested in the "woman as trophy/broodmare" mentality.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like they get bashed a lot on here for being ugly or fat or miserable but I'm pretty happy and look to be in my 20s. I'd post pictures unfiltered here if I could stay anon for proof but I do pass for 20s and I am dating a few very hot guys old with no sex in their 30s. Frequently hit on by guys in their 20s too but no. So why the hate for women in their 40s by both men and women?

Sure you are, love.

Oh good! It’s more than a day since someone started a thread where we can critique the appearance of middle aged women. Thanks for fixing that gaping hole in discussion, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Seems like they get bashed a lot on here for being ugly or fat or miserable but I'm pretty happy and look to be in my 20s. I'd post pictures unfiltered here if I could stay anon for proof but I do pass for 20s and I am dating a few very hot guys old with no sex in their 30s. Frequently hit on by guys in their 20s too but no. So why the hate for women in their 40s by both men and women?

The hate comes mostly from divorced men in their 40s.

I love the confidence that women have I really do.Men for whatever reasons perhaps because they are used to women always looking their best are very critical of women looks as soon as they get to their 40s

A 40 years old woman can look fabulous, look like ahe is in her 30s or even 20s, a man will rave about her looks, but as soon as he knows her real age suddenly he will start looking for flaws. I think men have more hang ups about that numerical number (over 40) than the way she actually looks

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh I just turned 43 and don't feel it at all more active than my 20s

I’m 43 as well. Asian, look early 30s and get hit on a lot. While I’m not the skinniest, I take care of myself, wear nice clothes and generally look put together. A little care goes a long way. But like PP, I know one day I’ll fall off the cliff and it’s game over so enjoying it while I can.

I also looked great at 43 but the time I was 46 it was a different story. Perimenopause really hits by then and changes women’s appearance so much.

I would say the turning point for most women is 45.

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Anonymous wrote:Because you are in the minority, and in a few years you'll be part of the majority.

I'm Asian. In late August, I dropped off my 9th grader for a tour of her new high school, and as I was leaving, one of the tour guides asked me to step inside to join the tour as it was leaving. The tour was student-only. I had to explain I was the parent. It was embarrassing. Maybe that guide needed glasses, but it's not the first time this has happened. I got yelled at for being late to my other teen's choir practice years ago, until the manager recognized me as a parent and not a student. Again, embarrassing.

But I know that in a year or two, all that will be finished and I'll be visibly middle-aged.

So enjoy it, OP, it won't last.

I am aware everyone ages but I am very health conscious and I take care of my body and skin. I think how you take care of yourself and genetics contribute to how you look on the outside. But wow it's crazy how much older some women in their 20s and 30s look. So many get procedures at younger ages because of fads.

It's genetics and sun exposure, OP. Young women aren't looking older because they're having procedures done. I looked like a baby for the first half of my life, and now I look "better", more grown-up, because I've lost some of my chubby cheeks. I'm naturally slim, there's nothing for me to take credit for there. I take care of my nutrition and exercise because I have a heavy family history of cancer, dementia and cardiovascular issues, not because I need it to look young. The youthful look is genes and sunscreen. But mostly genes.

I think your breathless and smug attitude is a little off-putting, to be honest.

Breathless and smug? Hey, I went to a cosmetic surgeon for a mole removal and they suggested buccal fat removal. I've seen how it ages women and those women in their 20s on tv and declined. So I don't get where you are getting smug from. If anything I see more attacks from men and women about how ugly a 40 something year old woman looks.

A vanishingly small number of 20 somethings are getting buccal fat removal, silly! You don't sound too bright if you start off a discussion with those assumptions. The immense majority of 20s and 30s women don't even go to the derm or need a cosmetic surgeon, and if ever they have to get a mole removed and someone pushes an entirely unnecessary procedure on them, most of them aren't stupid enough to say yes. They don't have the money anyway. 

Seriously.

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Anonymous wrote:Seems like they get bashed a lot on here for being ugly or fat or miserable but I'm pretty happy and look to be in my 20s. I'd post pictures unfiltered here if I could stay anon for proof but I do pass for 20s and I am dating a few very hot guys old with no sex in their 30s. Frequently hit on by guys in their 20s too but no. So why the hate for women in their 40s by both men and women?

I am so confused. You're dating old hot guys who didn't have sex in their 30s? What?

Anyway, women in their 40s don't look 20s. None of them do. Sorry.

That being said, the people who hate 40s women are either men who are bitter no women want them, or women who are bitter when they see other women having fun and not behaving "properly". In either case, you can dismiss what they think, because they sure as hell aren't out there having fun or getting laid.

Sorry you are wrong. Women in their 40s who look young and hot do exist.

And I meant hot guys I havent had sex with yet because it's perceived here that women in their 40s all have ons.

There are women in their 40s that look a few years younger, and women in their 40s who are attractive, but nobody, male or female, looks 20-30 years younger. If you think you look 20, you aren’t around many 20 year olds.

It’s fine. You don’t need to look younger to be attractive or have value.

Also, the whole “I don’t have sex” thing is weird. This whole post is steeped in internalized misogyny. It’s okay for women to look their age. It’s okay for woman of all ages to enjoy casual sex.

Also has strong “pick me girl” vibes. We get it, you’re the hot woman whose not like other women, you’re hot and chaste and all the boys of all ages want you even though you don’t have sex.

I work with many interns and other younger people and they all mistook my age.

Do you also believe all 20 and 30 somethings look young? Many are hunched over due to cell phone and laptop use or overweight.

Looks like you have your own insecurities and like to argue.

Never said it was not okay for women to look their age. Read again. Nevee said casual sex is wrong. Pick a fight elsewhere you have issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like they get bashed a lot on here for being ugly or fat or miserable but I'm pretty happy and look to be in my 20s. I'd post pictures unfiltered here if I could stay anon for proof but I do pass for 20s and I am dating a few very hot guys old with no sex in their 30s. Frequently hit on by guys in their 20s too but no. So why the hate for women in their 40s by both men and women?

I am so confused. You're dating old hot guys who didn't have sex in their 30s? What?

Anyway, women in their 40s don't look 20s. None of them do. Sorry.

That being said, the people who hate 40s women are either men who are bitter no women want them, or women who are bitter when they see other women having fun and not behaving "properly". In either case, you can dismiss what they think, because they sure as hell aren't out there having fun or getting laid.

Sorry you are wrong. Women in their 40s who look young and hot do exist.

And I meant hot guys I havent had sex with yet because it's perceived here that women in their 40s all have ons.

There are women in their 40s that look a few years younger, and women in their 40s who are attractive, but nobody, male or female, looks 20-30 years younger. If you think you look 20, you aren’t around many 20 year olds.

It’s fine. You don’t need to look younger to be attractive or have value.

Also, the whole “I don’t have sex” thing is weird. This whole post is steeped in internalized misogyny. It’s okay for women to look their age. It’s okay for woman of all ages to enjoy casual sex.

Also has strong “pick me girl” vibes. We get it, you’re the hot woman whose not like other women, you’re hot and chaste and all the boys of all ages want you even though you don’t have sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like they get bashed a lot on here for being ugly or fat or miserable but I'm pretty happy and look to be in my 20s. I'd post pictures unfiltered here if I could stay anon for proof but I do pass for 20s and I am dating a few very hot guys old with no sex in their 30s. Frequently hit on by guys in their 20s too but no. So why the hate for women in their 40s by both men and women?

I am so confused. You're dating old hot guys who didn't have sex in their 30s? What?

Anyway, women in their 40s don't look 20s. None of them do. Sorry.

That being said, the people who hate 40s women are either men who are bitter no women want them, or women who are bitter when they see other women having fun and not behaving "properly". In either case, you can dismiss what they think, because they sure as hell aren't out there having fun or getting laid.

Sorry you are wrong. Women in their 40s who look young and hot do exist.

And I meant hot guys I havent had sex with yet because it's perceived here that women in their 40s all have ons.