Anonymous wrote:Making friends. In some way or another her friend group until she left for college had evolved from her friend group from Kindergarten. She never was in a situation where she knew no one and had to make new friends. The first semester was hard trying to navigate that. Her first roommate left after first semester because she was homesick and even before then she went home on the weekends. Her second roommate was nice but already had an established friend group and my daughter didn't feel like she fit in with them. By the end of second semester she had formed a good group of friends through a club sport and activities.

This was true for my kid too. He didn’t really know how to make friends as an adult. Unfortunately he pledged a bad fraternity and it really ruined his freshman year. He ended up transferring.

My oldest got homesick about 2 weeks in. He called sobbing. At first, I thought something horrible had happened. He had several really minor inconveniences and the homesickness just made them worse. He ended up getting evacuated a few days later due to an incoming hurricane and the couple of days at home fixed everything.

My youngest had to take a math class - he's majoring in business and there were several courses that would satisfy the math requirement. His advisor didn't advise him very well and he ended up taking the most difficult one - I think it is meant for STEM majors. He didn't realize he could have dropped the class and taken a different class so he stuck with it. Thankfully he passed, but with a D-.

Anonymous wrote:Attempting a long distance relationship. Kid didn’t seem to really acclimate to college til they broke up.

Same situation here.

Homesickness. Thankfully got better after the first couple of months.

Anonymous wrote:My DS pledged a fraternity so making friends was not an issue. But his school had a great system where kids would put an upside down red cup on the lunch or dinner table to signal to other that they should come sit down and meet everyone. I thought that was great. I am sure other schools do it too.

What school?

Thankfully, very easy transition this Fall and made a club sport team and lots of friends. Roommate is great.

Only issue was his gut adjusting to dorm food or local water (7 hours away)...or maybe it was just the stress of the first few weeks moving away from home. He's acclimated now and says the food is pretty decent.

His phone died and couldn't be repaired--but he did handle it over a weekend himself --replacement.

Anonymous wrote:Things normally seen

Room-mate issues
Lack of friends/loneliness/home sickness/not fitting in
Mental disease
Being raped or mugged or roofied
Drug addiction
Academic pressure
Getting sucked into destructive behavior and bad company
Toxic frat/sorority culture and being bullied
Lack of money, burden of loans, poverty
Food insecurity
Visa and work permit issues
Doing something illegal

Uh, most of this is NOT normal. Where is your kid?!

Things normally seen

Room-mate issues
Lack of friends/loneliness/home sickness/not fitting in
Mental disease
Being raped or mugged or roofied
Drug addiction
Academic pressure
Getting sucked into destructive behavior and bad company
Toxic frat/sorority culture and being bullied
Lack of money, burden of loans, poverty
Food insecurity
Visa and work permit issues
Doing something illegal

Definitely roommate issues. DS and roommate did not get along, but never talked about it. DS spent many nights on the futon in a friend’s room.

I don't think he understand how little free time or interaction with family he would be allowed (military academy).

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that roommate compatibility is in the top-5.

We know of many many many cases where this was an issue, both for randomly assigned roommates and also for friends who asked the university to have them share a room.

A colleague slept on a random sofa in a computer room in an academic building across campus for most of Freshman year - because roommate had a light class load and stayed up drinking every night (i.e., not just a weekend celebration). Colleague wondered if that roommate was an alcoholic. Regardless, it was well nigh impossible for colleague to sleep in his own bed at night.

One of my kid's best friends (now and during college) was the guy with 2 crappy roommates fall freshman year. Dorm was all triples. That kid's roommates were both gone/kicked out by end of semester. But fall semester he basically lived down the hall on the futon or floor of their room, only going to his room to get clothing. Was my son's sophomore roommate in dorms and then a member of their 3 person house for junior/senior year. Now it's my son who sleeps on their couch/floor when he visits them (old roommate and his fiance/my son's good friend) (2 weekends per month---son lives/works 90 mins away from where he attended college and most of the friends still live in college town).

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that roommate compatibility is in the top-5.

We know of many many many cases where this was an issue, both for randomly assigned roommates and also for friends who asked the university to have them share a room.

A colleague slept on a random sofa in a computer room in an academic building across campus for most of Freshman year - because roommate had a light class load and stayed up drinking every night (i.e., not just a weekend celebration). Colleague wondered if that roommate was an alcoholic. Regardless, it was well nigh impossible for colleague to sleep in his own bed at night.

I really wish colleges when they build new dorms would build singles. The concept of living in a 130 sq ft room with a complete stranger is something we only accept for college. It seems a bit outdated and lots of college issues would be solved with a suite style dorm ---6-8 rooms with a small living area (for gathering) and a shared bathroom (with 2 sinks, 2toilets, 2showers)

One kid had great roommates (triple) and is best friends 6 years later with both of them and many more from their freshman dorm/floor.

Other kid had a decent roommate who was polite, but they haven't talked since freshman year, and barely talked after my kid made their own friend group. So no roommate from hell stories, but it was good they lived in a large room and had plenty of their own space (room was 15X13 as a double).

Attempting a long distance relationship. Kid didn’t seem to really acclimate to college til they broke up.

Time management. Was fortunate to get a dorm hall where all the kids seem to enjoy each other's company and do things socially and got involved in a few activities that are meaningful. Classes more challenging than high school (of course), so managing the extra study time along with social activities and ECs has been an adjustment. Seems to be handling it well, but on the go constantly.

My DS pledged a fraternity so making friends was not an issue. But his school had a great system where kids would put an upside down red cup on the lunch or dinner table to signal to other that they should come sit down and meet everyone. I thought that was great. I am sure other schools do it too.