I think it would depend on the kids (of all genders). The boys my teenage DD is friends with… they are more likely to break out Magic the Gathering cards than a vape.

I also think time of day, as well as length of gathering, matters. So hanging out for an hour or two in the afternoon vs. an evening party.

I would say no to randos from mall or group of guys from another school.

No way. I am not naive on how kids operate today.

Need to know parents and have conversation that they are home, understand their rules, understand their home environment. I will not assume anything. Too much can go wrong in those situations. I don’t need my 12 year old in precarious situation.

What is going on here? I thought DCUM was for UMC helicopter parents. How is anyone on this website concerned their 12 year old might get pregnant? I thought we were all concerned that our 12 year olds were in pre-algebra instead of algebra and that was going to affect their college applications.

I would call the parent and let her know that your daughter was invited to go to her house by her daughter and you want to make sure she was ok with that. Ask her what time your daughter needs to be picked up.

Anonymous wrote:To explain more... my husband said I let my 14 years old 9th grade went to his friend’s house without seeing his friend and his friend’s parents. I said the 14 is a boy and 9th grade. My daughter is 12 & 7th grade. The boy can’t carry a baby but the 12 years old can !

A 14 year old boy can make a baby, too. And be held responsible for it.

Mine never asked to do something like this in sixth grade — but if your daughter has been ditched by her ES friends and is trying to make new friends, I might try to find a way here. It’s such a hard age and pretty much all the girls have a moment in MS where their ES friends ditch them. I agree with PPS about either dropped off and saying hello to parents or at least getting parent names off the directory and texting to say “hi, I’m Karla’s mom. She said Larlo invited kids over this afternoon—just wanted to check and make sure that’s okay with you and that you’ll be home. Thanks!” I would also gril my kid about how she knows these kids. If it’s like “oh, this is my project group from social studies” or “they are all in the environmental club with me” I’d probably be okay provided I confirmed with parents. But if it’s like “he’s a friend of Jessica’s cousin” and I don’t even know Jessica — that’s probably a no. And if it’s “I met him at the hot topic after school” that’s a hard no.

Your logic is flawed. I would have the same rule for a boy as I would a girl.
I have a 12yo DD in 7th now. I wouldn’t let someone I have never met drive my kid so given your example no I wouldn’t have let my kid go from the mall to a friends house I hadn’t met.

Yes! But my kids have hung out with mixed boy girl groups for years. By 12, it's the norm to hang out. It's mainly divided by sex but occasionally it's fun to meet up and since 12 is starting middle school, I often don't know many of the parents but have heard of the kids. They are all mostly very similar in interests and temperaments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To explain more... my husband said I let my 14 years old 9th grade went to his friend’s house without seeing his friend and his friend’s parents. I said the 14 is a boy and 9th grade. My daughter is 12 & 7th grade. The boy can’t carry a baby but the 12 years old can !

Crude, OP, very crude. I had this no-visit rule for my son and my daughter. Boys can get sexually assaulted too. And both genders can get drunk and get run over.

Not only can a boy get sexually assaulted (or drunk or high or shot) but your boy can father a baby or be accused of doing so. You should have met the 14yo friend's parents and made sure they were home to supervise.

Why are people jumping on OP? OP is right that its the girl whose body is affected carrying the pregnancy, sure the boy and/or grandparents will need to take care when the baby is born but there is not the 9 months and giving birth!!

Anonymous wrote:I would let my 12 year old do this. She’s going to a cast party for her school play, and I don’t know the parents.
My daughter literally wants to be a nun right now, so that might impact my decision. If she was a different kind of girl, I might feel differently.

At a minimum, at drop off, ask to speak to the parents. Usually something like a cast party is ok and tame, but not a regular party.

OP you should be protecting both your kids. From older brothers too.

Anonymous wrote:To explain more... my husband said I let my 14 years old 9th grade went to his friend’s house without seeing his friend and his friend’s parents. I said the 14 is a boy and 9th grade. My daughter is 12 & 7th grade. The boy can’t carry a baby but the 12 years old can !

Makes zero sense. Your son can still be sexually assaulted or other bad things.

Lol I did this all the time in middle school and didn't lose my virginity until college. My parents haven't met the parents of some of my best friends, with whom I've been friends with for 30 years at this point. I'm not even sure I could point their parents out of a lineup.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let my 12 year old do this. She’s going to a cast party for her school play, and I don’t know the parents.
My daughter literally wants to be a nun right now, so that might impact my decision. If she was a different kind of girl, I might feel differently.

This is different because it’s an official get together for a school activity with the kids so do the activity.

What OP’s talking about is meeting up with rando kids who could go to the school or could have been found at the mall.

OP, you’re right to be worried about this situation.

It’s not official. It’s kids going over to someone’s house after the play.
But I guess I can’t comment. I really can’t imagine my 12 year old daughter meeting people she doesn’t know at the mall and going over to their house.

There is such a wide range of behavior for kids that age. Some act like they are much older teens, and some still act like children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To explain more... my husband said I let my 14 years old 9th grade went to his friend’s house without seeing his friend and his friend’s parents. I said the 14 is a boy and 9th grade. My daughter is 12 & 7th grade. The boy can’t carry a baby but the 12 years old can !

Nope, you lost me here. I want to either know the parents or know they're home, but rules go by age and kid, not by genitals

Amen!