Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:59
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:Ok, instead of placing more fault on OP, let's give him tips on how to keep his kids close. Here are some ideas I had:
1) When they get phones, agree on a frequency for texting. Try to develop a friendly, loving daily text conversation. Maybe a group chat between the three of you.
2) Make yourself available for extra logistical shuttling during mom's time IF NEEDED.
3) Go to their new school's open houses, etc.
4) Ask your kids for their input on how to redesign the aspects of your shared lives that are changing.
5) Start thinking ahead to college. Kids know who cares about their future.
6) Keep any dating out of view for a while. Find constructive, non-dating hobbies to keep you busy. Maybe projects you can share with your kids when they are with you (project car?).
Best advice on this thread.
- Adult child of divorce
You’re still fighting it, OP. I’m sorry it feels unfair. None of us know you or your ex enough to assess if you got screwed by the court system. But you’re best putting your effort into molding new relationships with your kids. My dad moved to a new state to marry his AP. I saw him summers and holidays. We’re very close to this day because he put in the effort.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:49
Subject: Re:50/50 not the norm nationwide
How far away will you be from their current home/school?
At this age, kids tend to be busy with so many activities. Can you offer to help with that- attend games etc and drive them to dance class, Boy Scouts etc?
With that said, time with kids this age tends to be limited on weekdays/school days anyway. Between sports and school we don’t get that much quality time during the week anyway- dinner and homework yes, but most fun time happens on weekends. You’ll probably spend more hours with your kids with this arrangement than she does TBH.
At this age, kids tend to be busy with so many activities. Can you offer to help with that- attend games etc and drive them to dance class, Boy Scouts etc?
With that said, time with kids this age tends to be limited on weekdays/school days anyway. Between sports and school we don’t get that much quality time during the week anyway- dinner and homework yes, but most fun time happens on weekends. You’ll probably spend more hours with your kids with this arrangement than she does TBH.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:47
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Honestly it's best if kids stay in one location during the school year instead shuttling back and worth.
Just pray that she finds a good guy. A lot of divorced women don't have a good track record selecting better men lost divorce.
Just pray that she finds a good guy. A lot of divorced women don't have a good track record selecting better men lost divorce.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:38
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a judge who will side against mom who wants her kids to be in school district X
Kids were in a school district and stable. So, mom moves them away from their home, friends, and school for her own needs. If dad did that, you'd have a fit, but somehow its ok if Mom does it. Kids need both parents.
It probably didn't factor in but mom being bipolar also suggests that she needs to be near relatives.
And mom went to that school district so it's hard to play the "not good enough" card.
If mom had diagnosed bi-polar and not something made up by OP, it should have been taken into consideration with parenting.
Like so many DWs make up daily claims of their various DHs mental illness flavour of the day lol
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:35
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
It sounds like mom was convincing enough about where she wanted to live (near family) and the two locations are too far apart for the kids to manage 50/50. That's not a bias against 50/50, but just practicality taking hold. It sounds like dad gets as close to 50/50 as is possible given the two locations.
OP, your best bet for 50/50 is to move close enough that the kids can stay with you during the week and still attend the selected schools. Is that convenient? No, but it's your option.
OP, your best bet for 50/50 is to move close enough that the kids can stay with you during the week and still attend the selected schools. Is that convenient? No, but it's your option.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:34
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Is there a reason why you can't move to where the mom is moving?
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:31
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a judge who will side against mom who wants her kids to be in school district X
Kids were in a school district and stable. So, mom moves them away from their home, friends, and school for her own needs. If dad did that, you'd have a fit, but somehow its ok if Mom does it. Kids need both parents.
It probably didn't factor in but mom being bipolar also suggests that she needs to be near relatives.
And mom went to that school district so it's hard to play the "not good enough" card.
If mom had diagnosed bi-polar and not something made up by OP, it should have been taken into consideration with parenting.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:28
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a judge who will side against mom who wants her kids to be in school district X
Kids were in a school district and stable. So, mom moves them away from their home, friends, and school for her own needs. If dad did that, you'd have a fit, but somehow its ok if Mom does it. Kids need both parents.
It probably didn't factor in but mom being bipolar also suggests that she needs to be near relatives.
And mom went to that school district so it's hard to play the "not good enough" card.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:11
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The reason the judge let her move the kids to a new school district is because she's moving closer to extended family, who will help her as a newly single mother.
If he did that do you think the judge will side with him as a single dad lol? OP should have hired a lawyer. He didn't and he got slaughtered.
He had NO money to hire a lawyer.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:10
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:Good luck finding a judge who will side against mom who wants her kids to be in school district X
Kids were in a school district and stable. So, mom moves them away from their home, friends, and school for her own needs. If dad did that, you'd have a fit, but somehow its ok if Mom does it. Kids need both parents.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 19:10
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Anonymous wrote:I'll just say this though. My mother had custody of us during the school year and it didn't impact our relationship with our dad. In fact the opposite happened. When she started dating we were handed TV dinners and left home alone for extended period of time. My mother never heard from us again when we left for college.
My dad saw us only on weekends but I remember those days more than the majority of days I spent with my mom.
How is this a good thing? You just argued why the school year/summer schedule is a bad idea.
Anonymous
10/20/2024 18:59
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Good luck finding a judge who will side against mom who wants her kids to be in school district X
Anonymous
10/20/2024 18:45
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
Ok, instead of placing more fault on OP, let's give him tips on how to keep his kids close. Here are some ideas I had:
1) When they get phones, agree on a frequency for texting. Try to develop a friendly, loving daily text conversation. Maybe a group chat between the three of you.
2) Make yourself available for extra logistical shuttling during mom's time IF NEEDED.
3) Go to their new school's open houses, etc.
4) Ask your kids for their input on how to redesign the aspects of your shared lives that are changing.
5) Start thinking ahead to college. Kids know who cares about their future.
6) Keep any dating out of view for a while. Find constructive, non-dating hobbies to keep you busy. Maybe projects you can share with your kids when they are with you (project car?).
1) When they get phones, agree on a frequency for texting. Try to develop a friendly, loving daily text conversation. Maybe a group chat between the three of you.
2) Make yourself available for extra logistical shuttling during mom's time IF NEEDED.
3) Go to their new school's open houses, etc.
4) Ask your kids for their input on how to redesign the aspects of your shared lives that are changing.
5) Start thinking ahead to college. Kids know who cares about their future.
6) Keep any dating out of view for a while. Find constructive, non-dating hobbies to keep you busy. Maybe projects you can share with your kids when they are with you (project car?).
Anonymous
10/20/2024 18:43
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
50/50 does not exist in practice. It's only on paper. If you count the number of days in a year, it's impossible to have 50/50. So people are fighting over something that does not even exist.
Unless the parents are sadistics and have tracking software that count hours and minutes of custody 50/50 ain't happening
Unless the parents are sadistics and have tracking software that count hours and minutes of custody 50/50 ain't happening
Anonymous
10/20/2024 18:41
Subject: 50/50 not the norm nationwide
I'll just say this though. My mother had custody of us during the school year and it didn't impact our relationship with our dad. In fact the opposite happened. When she started dating we were handed TV dinners and left home alone for extended period of time. My mother never heard from us again when we left for college.
My dad saw us only on weekends but I remember those days more than the majority of days I spent with my mom.
My dad saw us only on weekends but I remember those days more than the majority of days I spent with my mom.