*protect their children

We need to cut our moms some slack for never being taught or trained how to be a good mother. Most mums try but not all succeed, sometimes they don't have right ability and other times they don't have right circumstances.

That being said, what matters most is their unwavering love and resolve to physically and emotionally their children.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a single happy memory of my mother. I’m assuming this is somewhat rare even for people abused like I was. I’m in my 40’s and have a great family myself now. If you did grow up with a horrible mother, do you still have happy memories? I just have a deep resentment and hatred towards her and nothing else.

Sometimes you make up your mind about a relationship being good or bad and unintentionally only remembers memories which support your narrative.

My mom was a very immature mean girl.
Reading these responses somehow makes me feel like I wasn’t the only one. How sad for all of us!

I actually have nightmares about my mother. She recently died and I feel relief, a kind of safety. I can’t even look at her picture.

I have very few and only from a brief period when I was 6 or 7. They are also not formative memories and there are caveats. Like I do remember my dad coming home from work and greeting my sister and I as "goils" with some joy. But then I remember him sitting down and asking us to take off his boots and bring him a beer (while my mom made dinner). In that moment he was not being overtly unkind but as an adult I now view that as screwed up.

My mother and father stayed married. My mother was 19 years when she married. My older sister was born with a disability. My mother was the opposite of neglectful. My parents didn't "believe" in day care. They were very young and immature.

My mother's biggest fault was allowing my older sister to relentlessly tease and bully me. My childhood was very much tarnished and tainted by the relentless teasing bullying by my older sister. I gave trying to get her to stop.

I actually didn't see how much my sister hated me.

I don't have great memories of my childhood with my mother because of how the final years leading up to her death were spent.

Anonymous wrote:I don't. Not one.

Same. All my memories of her are awful. I am in my 40s and its been hardest the past decade since becoming a parent and as my children go thru milestones the contrast with my childhood comes up. I am mostly at peace now and DGAF anymore for my own mental well-being.

I have no good memories of my dad, but my brother is full of good memories of him. I’ve been wondering to myself if my dad molested me and I’m repressing it. We have a terrible relationship and I haven’t spoken to him in nearly 20 years. The only reason he’s met my children is because he stopped by my brother’s house one time when my he was spending time with him.


No good memories at all. All I remember is sadness and anger.

My father was abusive and beat me regularly. He constantly called me a fat dumb and lazy loser and put signs up around the house to that effect. He was drunk womanizer and thankfully left the home. This threw my addict mother into poverty. She failed to protect her kids though, and in particular me (the younger of a set of identical twins).

An All American high school athlete and very good student, I struck out on my own at age 18. I did keep up a relationship with my mother, but it was a burden as I acted the parent. I never succeeded.

I had no relationship with my father and learned about his death after the fact. The few times I talked to him it was all about the loser narrative. I actually became successful having completed very good schools with high honors and doing well professionally. My father just never wanted kids and hated me with the intensity of a thousand suns.

Life without parents wasn't all bad. I had great freedom. And I became motivated out of necessity.

Like pp, I have happy memories of dad. With mom, I do recall her being happy and me being happy, but it was because I was a people pleaser and I had twisted myself into a pretzel to please her. I remember in college reading about unconditional love and I had no idea that existed. Even with dad everything was about bragging rights, but he at least liked me more than mom did.

I have happy memories of father, but not mother. My mother was envious of both my appearance and intellect (I got both from dad), and that dad doted on me -- she wanted all the attention. The weirdest was her telling me as a teenager (she's busty and short, I'm tall and lean) that you have no tits, who'd want you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a single happy memory of my mother. I’m assuming this is somewhat rare even for people abused like I was. I’m in my 40’s and have a great family myself now. If you did grow up with a horrible mother, do you still have happy memories? I just have a deep resentment and hatred towards her and nothing else.

She gave you life so you could be grateful for this. Chances are good that at least one of your children will feel the same about you as you feel about your mother. If you think your resentment was ND hatred of your mother hasn't been obvious to your children then you are delusional.

I highly doubt that. It's people like you, who cannot recognize abuse, who will continue the cycle. I'm a dp who isn't grateful for being born. In fact, I'd rather have not be born only to be a target of abuse. That is sick in the head to think anyone should be grateful to an abuser. By understanding that we were abused and that it was wrong and certainly undeserved, we can work to not visit that abuse on anyone else.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My late father, a lifelong Olympic level high functioning alcoholic. His abiding interest and love was vodka. As a result, I have zero happy memories of him ( he died 10 years ago) and we never had a normal conversation nor did he ever spend one meaningful moment with me. No exaggeration.

Any time we were in the same room, he’d either be silently brooding, going on some sort of tirade, screaming at me, berating me or ordering me around.

Not one dad-daughter event or even fun activity. He did everything begrudgingly and angrily and most often, while drunk.

This is my experience as well. People do not understand it they didn't have it.

With dad, yes. With mom, no.