Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in a situation that sounds similar to what you are in. I found out something about my now-ex that shattered our life and put me in a tailspin. We did divorce over it.

All I can tell you is to give yourself grace, and right now, drop anything you can and focus on only what is essential for getting through the day. You're in the hard part now. Things will get easier, you will adapt to whatever changes happen.

If you are not in a place to talk yet, I would probably skip the gathering. It's hard to be around others when you feel like you are falling apart and can't tell anyone, and have to pretend everything is fine. That is exhausting, and you don't need that energy drain right now. I would just say you're not feeling well (it's true!). Disappear for a bit if you have to. But not forever - you do need to maintain relationships, you will need that support.

Take good care of yourself.

OP here. Thanks for sharing this. I am utterly exhausted from pretending all week. I have moments where I feel completely fine, and then it hits me and it’s like I can hardly function. I’m definitely giving myself grace and taking it easy. I feel like if I want to maintain this relationship, it’s important for me to go tonight, I’ve bailed too much on this friend this summer for legit things, but it doesn’t change the fact that this will be draining. I appreciate your post.

OP, I have been in a situation that sounds similar to what you are in. I found out something about my now-ex that shattered our life and put me in a tailspin. We did divorce over it.

All I can tell you is to give yourself grace, and right now, drop anything you can and focus on only what is essential for getting through the day. You're in the hard part now. Things will get easier, you will adapt to whatever changes happen.

If you are not in a place to talk yet, I would probably skip the gathering. It's hard to be around others when you feel like you are falling apart and can't tell anyone, and have to pretend everything is fine. That is exhausting, and you don't need that energy drain right now. I would just say you're not feeling well (it's true!). Disappear for a bit if you have to. But not forever - you do need to maintain relationships, you will need that support.

Take good care of yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. I’m sorry you’re going through it, OP. But I don’t really understand vague cries for help like this. I have two friends who do this. They will text that something is awful and they need support but say that they don’t want to give details. So all I can say is, “I’m sorry something is hard right now.” I don’t get asking for support but not telling anyone what’s going on.

This. Especially on an anonymous forum. But I also don't understand the people who post on FB "prayers needed" and then refuse all other info. What am I praying for?

Because the vultures on this site will glob on to the issues and will argue whether she’s allowed to have this reaction, will start telling her it’s first world problems, try having a real problem, get divorced, I have it worse…blah blah blah.

I’m sorry OP. I like the idea of testing positive for Covid. It really is the get of jail free card right now. And see if you can go somewhere to just be. Even if it’s with your thoughts, maybe get to a space where you can indulge them to the exclusion of everything and everyone else.

Focus on positives, solutions and immediate needs. What is in your power right now that you can do to improve the situation? If you need rest, say you feel unwell and take some recharge time. If it's time away and you can't do a weekend getaway, can you at least get a way for a couple hours to some place relaxing? A spa, a book store, a nature walk?

Maybe spilling the beans might help. It is anonymous here after all.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. I’m sorry you’re going through it, OP. But I don’t really understand vague cries for help like this. I have two friends who do this. They will text that something is awful and they need support but say that they don’t want to give details. So all I can say is, “I’m sorry something is hard right now.” I don’t get asking for support but not telling anyone what’s going on.

This. Especially on an anonymous forum. But I also don't understand the people who post on FB "prayers needed" and then refuse all other info. What am I praying for?

Anonymous wrote:I would urge you to go to the function. You will see some friends and get some free food. These interactions might make you feel a little better. Hugs.

Yes, go. Enjoy the company of others and your mind will drift away from your problems for a minute or two and you will be glad in the long run to keep these ties. (I was surprised that one not as close friends ended up being the most supportive in my situation.) Light events are good for taking your mind off.

I had this experience. I woke up the day after finding out something and was like, oh yes, this is really, it's not a dream. Had no idea what to do. It was about a child, not my DH. Anyway, it is many years later and you take it a day at a time and if you can't, you take it a second at a time. I agree that medication will help during the worst days. Just focus on the very next moment and they add up.

Honor your own feelings. The therapist i had at the time was kind of glib about the situation. It could be helpful to find a support group that is specific to the situation.

I feel for you. Good luck.

I would urge you to go to the function. You will see some friends and get some free food. These interactions might make you feel a little better. Hugs.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have no one I can talk to right now. I’m not feeling like I’m going to harm myself or anything, but I’m incredibly stressed, angry, sad, devastated, and trying to hold it together emotionally.

Exactly a week ago I received life-altering news. The first couple days I was in shock, then I spent the next couple days having anxiety attacks. I was finally feeling a little better yesterday, but then something happened, unrelated but still difficult, and now I’m back at square one.

I’m so, so exhausted. I have an event to attend today that I can’t miss. I have kids for whom I have to put on a happy face. My husband is being supportive but that only helps so much.

My stomach is constantly in a knot. I have a perpetual headache. Walks have been helping, but they also leave me nothing to do but to think too much. I have no interest in escaping into a podcast or music. It’s just background noise to my inner thoughts.

[b]I just want to run away, but I can’t, because everyone needs something from me. And anyway, my problems and thoughts would just follow me. Does anyone have any advice?[/b] How do I just take it day by day? I do start with a therapist but not until late next week. [/quote]

You can actually run away. You can. Walk away from everyone else's needs even if only for a couple of days. Book a stay in a cabin, at the Ritz, at your bff's house. Whatever you need to do to literally leave it all behind for a couple of days of breathing room. Whatever that needs to look like for you. [/quote]
It just feels like I can’t! Venting… maybe someone will have advise…

This event today, I want to skip it so bad. It’s a gathering at a friend’s house. I had to skip out on the last event she hosted. We have a mutual friend who is hosting again NEXT weekend, I feel like if I can’t attend tonight, she will be offended and wonder why I always cancel on her but never our other friends. She texted just last night telling me how excited she is to see me. I am not ready to tell anyone about this yet, if at all, so I can’t say I’m going through some things and just need a break. Making up something yet again feels so disingenuous and hurtful. I know I can drop in for an hour or two, but I hate it. [/quote]

Do not tell people bad news like this. Ever.. Go for a little bit and say you are feeling under the weather and need to go home early to rest.

Anonymous wrote:Great to hear your husband is supporting you.

Thank goodness for him! Thank goodness for all men.

Did you respond to the wrong thread?

Anonymous wrote:Great to hear your husband is supporting you.

Thank goodness for him! Thank goodness for all men.

weird comment

Great to hear your husband is supporting you.

Thank goodness for him! Thank goodness for all men.

I would lie and tell everyone - family included - you don't feel well. Say you are going to urgent care. Instead, go have a nice meal out. Come home. Tell them you have tested positive for Covid and you need/want to isolate so no one else gets sick. If you have a guest bedroom or place in your house where you can do that, great. Otherwise go get a hotel room for 3 days!

Skip all events -- tell you friend you tested positive for Covid -- they won't want you there.

You can skip the event. You might be coming down with something. Send the spouse and kids.