I didn’t. I don’t find it weird or creepy when friends do. It also doesn’t bother me when people address me by dh’s family name (which is also the kids’ family name), or when we get the rare (now) holiday card addressed to the “dh’s family name” Family. It’s hard for people to keep tabs.

The only instance when it bothered me, was when the college DH and I attended started listing my name on mailings as “DH and Mrs DH”, some time after I indicated in alumni questionnaire that spouse is also alumni (I didn’t updated my name with them). I am alumna in my own right and effort, I still use the name they knew me by when I attended, didn’t request the change, so thought it’s really weird when someone there assumed that just cause DH also graduated from same college that I automatically am ok with them changing my name on mailings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

it’s not a preferred naming convention. It is not my name. I am not Jennifer Jones. I am Jennifer Smith. Why bother with placecards at all if you are not going to bother using a persons actual name?

Lots of reasons.

Because people didn’t realize you didn’t change your name.

They might assume you just use your maiden name professionally.

Because someone else might be handling the invites or place cards and they made an assumption or mistake.

Bottom line: don’t take it personally or get upset.

Even with my hyphenated last name I still sometimes get things addressed to me as Mrs. Husband’s Last Name or the Smith Family. NBD. Who cares?

It did bother me when I received checks from my MIL and SIL made out to me as Mary Smith even though they knew my name was Mary Jones-Smith. I simply told my husband I couldn’t cash or deposit them since they used the wrong name and he handled it. They quickly learned.

I did and I'm a woman married to a woman. I liked her last name better, I liked her family and wanted to more obviously be a part of it, and I wanted us both to have the same last name because when we got married, it was only legal in certain states and I thought that we'd have a better chance of being treated as a family if we had an emergency in Virginia or somewhere our marriage wasn't recognized. It's been long enough now that I think everyone's pretty used to it, including me. It did take me a while to get used to my friends' new names if they changed, but eventually I did.

Of course I did, as did most people I know. I'm 44.

I did but I regretted it deeply. After divorcing I wanted to change my name back, and it had cost me $$ and 3 yrs of wrangling to get my IDs corrected. Such a waste of time.

If I had it to do over I would make my child’s middle name my last name and his dad’s name his last or would hypenate.

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

it’s not a preferred naming convention. It is not my name. I am not Jennifer Jones. I am Jennifer Smith. Why bother with placecards at all if you are not going to bother using a persons actual name?

I was a professional when I married and also thought changing my name was unnecessary. Seemed old fashioned.

Anonymous wrote:I kept mine because it was easier professionally. It doesn't bother me at all if I'm addressed Mrs DHs last name or things are addressed to the DHs last name.

But I really have zero tie to last names. My last name isn't important to me. DHs last name isn't important to me. I only kept my last name because I didn't want to deal with the headache of all my professional licenses and because I have studies published with my last name.

Similar but in my case, my last name is important to me because in my culture, all women keep their last names. My mom kept her last name and if I had daughters, it would have been nice for them to follow the tradition. But I have only boys, so I’m assuming they will keep their names. In the us, it seems more and more common for women to keep their names.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids that have your DH's last name? Often, majority rules. So if 3 of the 4 people have your DH's last name, that's how everyone will refer to you.

I know plenty of people who have not changed their name. Zero of those women have given their last name to their children and 100% of them have given their kids their DH's last name. That's a little weird to me, but whateer

We hyphenated the kids’ names, which comes with its own problems, but we did not want to do anything else. I do find the “keep maiden name but change all kids’ names to husband’s” trend (which is a very clear majority in our area) interesting.

I changed mine and hadn't had a middle name so just moved my maiden name to my middle name. I like DH's last name and I like us having the same name together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

Really? I can't imagine sending out wedding invitations without taking the time to get the guests' names correct.

Agreed! I’m kind of shocked by this actually. But it explains all of the wrongly addressed personal mail we get…

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

Oh, I track this. I keep a spreadsheet and if I notice someone prefers The X Family or Mr and Mrs X, I absolutely use that instead. My mother and grandma used to do this with address books.

I’m sure I’ve made mistakes but I try not to. It’s just polite and makes it feel like you care about the person receiving the card.

Do you have kids that have your DH's last name? Often, majority rules. So if 3 of the 4 people have your DH's last name, that's how everyone will refer to you.

I know plenty of people who have not changed their name. Zero of those women have given their last name to their children and 100% of them have given their kids their DH's last name. That's a little weird to me, but whateer

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

Really? I can't imagine sending out wedding invitations without taking the time to get the guests' names correct.