Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8th graders shouldn't have phones at all.

But the vast majority of them do and have for years now. Mine got his right before eighth grade and was the absolute last kid of anyone we know to have one.

Ok, and? You can parent against the majority for your kid's sake. The second they get a phone, the second it becomes the center of their life.

Yes, it is a bell that can't be un-rung.

I put this here not for those who already have young kids with phones, but for those with young kids without phones.

You need to start early and socialize with them that they aren't getting a phone until they are in high school. Say this to them, and talk about it early and often. It should be well known to them. It will be tough in 6, 7 and 8th but if it's something that has been known to them for years, it won't be something that they feel that you are "making up" and "arbitrary".

You see this not infrequently but an 11 or 12 year old with a full-blown smartphone is just complete madness.

The phone is set to downtime between 9pm and 6am. DC gets in bed between 9:30-10:00.

I understand the FOMO aspect. However, I also see that by high school most kids are so busy with school, ECs, sports, work, that they NEED to shut down the phone for certain blocks of the evening to get sh*t done. By setting limits, you are helping them. My daughter will sometimes hand me her phone when she needs to complete something important or if she wants to truly relax without the buzzing in the background. Her friends know they won't get a response from her after a certain time (9:30pm in our house). Some side friends/acquaintances make snide comments but the good friends just accept it. I love it when my kids have friends with rules, whether self-imposed or parent-imposed. Parent-discipline within reason leads to self-discipline as young adults, at least that's the hope Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:10 pm here, but no Snapchat or other social media.

+1

Phones and laptops get hooked up to the chargers on the 1st floor and they head upstairs at 9:30. Lights out by 10pm. This is for 7th and 9th graders.

Mines in 7th but their phone shuts off access at 8pm except for the one night they have a later activity or if they're out with friends and need to coordinate getting home.

This is a kid who has always had trouble falling asleep and doctor said at least two hours screen free before bedtime. It makes a huge difference. We tried a 9pm cutoff and that hour just made everything fall apart so we went back to 8pm.

Their friend group doesn't Snapchat, so it's texts and Google chats. They see them in the morning and the world moves on. They were complaining how strict we were to a friend during carpool and they friend actually said "I wish my parents cared what I did on my phone." Maybe they were brown-nosing, assuming I would overhear but maybe not. This is a kid routinely sending messages in the middle of the night to a shrinking audience as more parents have started to buckle down.

No phone during dinner (applies to all family). When there's school the next day, off at 9pm and left to charge in the kitchen overnight. Access on again at 7am. When no school the next day, we allow til 9:30 or 10pm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8th graders shouldn't have phones at all.

But the vast majority of them do and have for years now. Mine got his right before eighth grade and was the absolute last kid of anyone we know to have one.

Ok, and? You can parent against the majority for your kid's sake. The second they get a phone, the second it becomes the center of their life.

Stick to it as long as you can...for our 8th and 10th grader, their downtime settings on their phones are in "off" from 9pm -7am. Their friends don't have the same restrictions, and that's okay. That disparity will come up again and again in life, so this is no different. Really truly most kids are getting enough social phone time even with strict downtime rules and they are not missing out on much.
Our setting allow our kids to wind down the last 30-60 min that they are awake...shower if not done already, pack bags for the next day, maybe play with the dog or lay on the couch with us before heading up to bed. Lots of studies show good sleep hygiene includes screen-free time an hour before bed.

my 8th grader has an iPad and a watch; no phone or social media. Both have downtime set to 8 pm and charge in my room. Screens before bed are awful for sleep.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Who are these parents whose kids are snapping mine at 10/11pm? 🙄 (Rhetorical question …. )

As parents, we feel like we’re setting the right limits, but we also recognize that DC’s FOMO and fear of social stigma are real.

You are setting the right limits; this is an indicator that she associates with a cohort of kids with poor/absent/lazy parenting which means there are also issues elsewhere.

My 8th grader doesn't have a smart phone or snapchat, but the ipad has to be downstairs charging by 8:30 pm and in bed at 9:30. He gets up at 6:30.

Anonymous wrote:8th graders shouldn't have phones at all.

But the vast majority of them do and have for years now. Mine got his right before eighth grade and was the absolute last kid of anyone we know to have one.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Who are these parents whose kids are snapping mine at 10/11pm? 🙄 (Rhetorical question …. )

As parents, we feel like we’re setting the right limits, but we also recognize that DC’s FOMO and fear of social stigma are real.

No Snapchat here

Take the phone during dinner, obviously, then give them 15-30 mins after dinner that’s hard NO PHONE as I phone is going to bed now at 7:30. That gives them time to unwind.

8th graders shouldn't have phones at all.