Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did a bad job at gray rocking her and now you have to start from scratch. Sorry.

lol this. except I think she did a good job for years but MIL needed some drama. It’s pretty hard to maintain grey rock in the face of a frontal attack. also I bet OP felt pretty irritated at that moment due to the pushback they got for being “late.”

OP what did your DH say?

OP here. DH went out of his way to tell her that the timing of our departure was his choice and he doesn’t appreciate her blaming me. He said she could have taken a better approach and she was over the top. He thinks her intention was good but her approach was bad and I think I can choose to believe that she wanted to break tension. That said, what set her off was her insisting on blaming me for his decision, and he told her never to lay blame on me for his decisions.

Anonymous wrote:You did a bad job at gray rocking her and now you have to start from scratch. Sorry.

OP here. I think you are right and this is my best way forward. She gets fireworks from other family members and that might feel normal to them but it doesn’t feel right or productive to me. I take your point.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you sound terrible. You being cold and distant for years is not “certainly always being nice and polite.”

You sound like you think you won this. You didn’t. Nobody wins when people act like you.

OP here. I have always chatted, said hello, sent kid pictures, etc. But how could I feel safe when I know I’ve been gossiped about, and she’s tried to get me to bash my SIL (her other DIL)? I have never told her not to gossip, but I don’t engage.

OP I thought it was great. I have spent my whole life being a people pleaser and thinking I am taking the high road every time I am polite to someone who is obnoxious. Now in middle age with so many stressors at once, I am polite at first, but if you F around, you will find out.

Her question was neither polite nor respectful in the words she chose. She was trying to put you on the defense. You answered the question. It doesn't matter that OP isn't perfect. She doesn't ask abrasive questions. If MIL said "I want you to feel more comfortable around me. Is there something I do that offends you?" Regardless, MIL asked a question and OP gave her honest answer.

Well done OP. She needs to learn if she is going to chose an abrasive way of communicating you will not cower and kiss as$.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you confuse this with a place where it is appropriate to “vent?” Nobody here care about your toxic relationship with your in-laws.

Are you new here? If no one posted about their toxic in-laws it would be tumbleweeds at DCUM.

Right so people make up stories about how saintly they are yet get nothing for Christmas from the evil MIL. But it’s all fake. There isn’t much real drama so it gets invented.

Who’s forcing you to read?

If your MIL can't keep close friendships with anyone, the problem originates with her, not anyone else.

I admire the way you responded. You said everything there was to say, and you said it well.

Her response demonstrates how much difficulty she has with social skills. Perhaps she is on the autism spectrum, like my husband and son. This is not an excuse for bad behavior, of course! But it could explain certain things. Autism in females presents differently than in males, and is harder to diagnose.

NP here. IMO MIL asked a question and got a response she didn’t want from OP. Too bad. Never ask a question if you aren’t prepared to receive an answer that may not be the one you want. Don’t bait someone and acted surprised.

MILs and even direct mothers can be manipulative. I wouldn’t put this on a MIL only dynamic. I would ignore this convo OP and proceed accordingly. I would also stop going to family weekends with my ILs if I’m treated like this. Other posters who don’t like my approach, I don’t care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you confuse this with a place where it is appropriate to “vent?” Nobody here care about your toxic relationship with your in-laws.

Are you new here? If no one posted about their toxic in-laws it would be tumbleweeds at DCUM.

Right so people make up stories about how saintly they are yet get nothing for Christmas from the evil MIL. But it’s all fake. There isn’t much real drama so it gets invented.

The evil MIL and saintly DIL gets played a lot here but the threads get traction as so many like to talk down about their MILs.

People are attracted to these threads and often aggressively and nonstop defend the OP who posts one or two times and runs, and often turns out the aggressive poster is OP sockpupppeting. It’s pretty predictable and the same people fall for it again and again.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe I read that whole thing thinking the response would be funny or interesting.

+1
The headline was all "And you'll never believe what happened next!!!"

What a letdown.

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is almost 20 years old so it has a lot of older Gen Xers who take offense at posts about difficult mother in laws.

um no …. older gen x are more likely to have dealt with problematic MIL.

or maybe you’re right. in addition to inventing everything else, millenials also invented tension between MIL and DIL. No other generation has ever faced that dynamic!

Anonymous wrote:You did a bad job at gray rocking her and now you have to start from scratch. Sorry.

lol this. except I think she did a good job for years but MIL needed some drama. It’s pretty hard to maintain grey rock in the face of a frontal attack. also I bet OP felt pretty irritated at that moment due to the pushback they got for being “late.”

OP what did your DH say?

DCUM is almost 20 years old so it has a lot of older Gen Xers who take offense at posts about difficult mother in laws.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you confuse this with a place where it is appropriate to “vent?” Nobody here care about your toxic relationship with your in-laws.

Are you confused??? this is an anonymous forum on the internet?

You did a bad job at gray rocking her and now you have to start from scratch. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you confuse this with a place where it is appropriate to “vent?” Nobody here care about your toxic relationship with your in-laws.

Are you new here? If no one posted about their toxic in-laws it would be tumbleweeds at DCUM.

Right so people make up stories about how saintly they are yet get nothing for Christmas from the evil MIL. But it’s all fake. There isn’t much real drama so it gets invented.

The evil MIL and saintly DIL gets played a lot here but the threads get traction as so many like to talk down about their MILs.