Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. Maybe i am from a family that prioritizes family members over everything else in an unhealthy way. Clearly this is not common in this area. I see why SiL feels this way now.

Fixed that for you.

+1 thank god I didn't marry into a family like that.

OP, you didn’t answer how old your child is or what kind of party it is. If it’s a party at a bounce house that’s different than if it’s a small family party at home. And prioritizing family does not mean, for some of us, that everything else will always and forever give away when it competes with something involving family. She can take him out separately to celebrate by going out for ice cream or something. Or not. I wonder if something else is going on here with you and this person?

Anonymous wrote:I'm on your side OP. She didn't even get the invite yet for the friend's party. Or she could attend both parties.
My SIL tried to skip out on our son's baptism because it was her friend's birthday. I don't know what FIL said to her but she ended up attending for an hour or so. YES I was offended that she was planning not to come! Your flesh and blood, a sweet baby who will hopefully look up to you someday, should mean more to you than yet another bar crawl with your friends. This would have been absolutely unheard of in my family.
Some of these people are really full of

You are so much better than your SIL, PP. She's lucky to have you in the family to teach her. I hope she takes your lessons to heart.

Anonymous wrote:Op. Maybe i am from a family that prioritizes family members over everything else in an unhealthy way. Clearly this is not common in this area. I see why SiL feels this way now.

Fixed that for you.

Anonymous wrote:SIL is DC’s aunt and godmother. She hinted that she might not be able to attend DC’s birthday party as her friend might be planning a birthday party that same day (we invited first, for the record. She hasn’t even got the invite to the friend’s birthday yet).

Would this surprise you? I get that grown up parties are more fun, but it’s her godson and nephew.

No, it’s fine.

I'm on your side OP. She didn't even get the invite yet for the friend's party. Or she could attend both parties.
My SIL tried to skip out on our son's baptism because it was her friend's birthday. I don't know what FIL said to her but she ended up attending for an hour or so. YES I was offended that she was planning not to come! Your flesh and blood, a sweet baby who will hopefully look up to you someday, should mean more to you than yet another bar crawl with your friends. This would have been absolutely unheard of in my family.
Some of these people are really full of

Most aunts and uncles don't attend kids' birthday parties. Like why? Invite kids' friends instead and if too young, mom and dad suffice.

No absolutely not. Extended relatives are optional. This goes in both directions. Parents are not obligated to include aunts and extended randos anymore than aunts and extended randos are obligated to attend.

Frankly, the only people who view this as an entitlement and obligation are the weirdos who have difficulty maintaining and establishing normal friendships and their own life. They ‘prioritize’ family because that’s really all they have and feel family can’t exclude them.

Op. Maybe i am from a family that prioritizes family members over everything else. Clearly this is not common in this area. I see why SiL feels this way now.

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it matters because that’s how I grew up.
My SIL is also my kids Godmother and only lives 20 mins from us. They don’t have kids of their own but spend no time with my DD who is now a tween. No taking her out for ice cream, no going to a movie, nothing in 12 years. My kid sees my family in Europe more than she sees her Aunt here.
You can’t control other people though OP. So you can think it’s rude but you can’t control SIL. She is allowed to make her own choices. You know where her priorities lay.

Why would HER priorities be your child? Of course she makes her own choices as it is HER LIFE. It is none of your business how they spend their time. Do they judge you on how you spend your time? I would avoid you too.

As somebody from a larger family, I would never expect this. I have a dozen aunts and wouldn't normally see any on my birthday as a kid; when they came, the invitation was for their benefit, like if they were alone and bored, or for my mom's. I certainly didn't care about another adult at my kid party.
I have 4 nieces/nephews and I send a gift if I remember. I wouldn't attend a party.

Nobody cares today about being a godmother, it is nothing today. Means nothing. Aunt should not give a crap either. Only aunts who care are those who do not have kids, and even then, some care and some do not.
Are you just looking to be offended at nothing?

Anonymous wrote:I never understand why parents expect other adults to show up to a kids bday party. If you want to do a family thing, do a family dinner at a restaurant or just invite them over for another round of cake at a time its convenient for them - but no you should absolutely not expect an aunt to prioritize milling about at a kids bday party

This.

"You are REQUIRED to come pay homage to little Larlo as he smears cake on his face, and then picks it out of his nose and eats it."

Get a grip.

I think it depends a little on the child's age (i.e. first birthday or not) and whether the parties are usually designed to be family events vs. for kids--but in general I wouldn't be bothered about an aunt not attending a kid's party. In our case, my parents like to attend my kids' birthday parties and typically one of my sisters attends because she had kids of similar age and doesn't live too far away. My other siblings don't attend and it doesn't bother me. We do tend to have separate family get togethers at other times of the year, so my kids see there aunts/uncles there.

I would definitely not make an issue out of this, especially if you and SIL otherwise get along and she's involved in your child's life.

I personally think it matters because that’s how I grew up.
My SIL is also my kids Godmother and only lives 20 mins from us. They don’t have kids of their own but spend no time with my DD who is now a tween. No taking her out for ice cream, no going to a movie, nothing in 12 years. My kid sees my family in Europe more than she sees her Aunt here.
You can’t control other people though OP. So you can think it’s rude but you can’t control SIL. She is allowed to make her own choices. You know where her priorities lay.