Anonymous
Post 10/01/2024 11:56     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Thanks for your perspective. If I may ask: was an unsatisfactory sex life with your DH a factor in the development of your crush/EA? If it was unsatisfactory, do you think that you would have fallen for the temptation, or that you would have had a harder time putting the crush behind, even with the distance?


It was not. I am incredibly lucky in my marriage - we certainly have our issues like anyone but have a wonderful connection both physically and emotionally. He's supportive and understanding and I like to think I am the same. After 26 years of marriage we have raised our kids well and together, have the same approach to our finances, and enjoy many of our hobbies and social activates together. I was not seeking and did not need anything more. This is why I think it took me/us so long to realize what was happening with my colleague, the connection was natural and instinctual, not stemming from a hole I was trying to fill. I think it actually would have been easier to put it behind me if it was just about the sex or trying to fill a void. The relationship felt like an enhancement to my life, not an actual need I was trying to remedy.

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but you have the right instincts. Ending 'it', whatever 'it' is for you, will not be easy, but once you do you'll feel better knowing you did the right thing, even while you're heart is breaking a little.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2024 10:02     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Anonymous wrote:Do you think you would have been able to end it if you had remained in the same department? Would a conscious effort but without reduced proximity have sufficed?

I don't think so. We tried, and would be okay for a little while, keeping the emotional distance and just professional, but then one of us would slip and give the other a look, or we'd have a funny moment and laugh and the wall would drop, feelings would come crushing back in. It's REALLY hard to compartmentalize completely when you have real, visceral feelings for someone that you're trying to overcome. I have been married for 26 years and adore my husband and my life, but I am drawn to my colleague almost at a cellular level, as the woman I am now - he's in a similar situation. We had a friendship built on mutual respect and admiration - it's been just as hard to lose that connection of friendship as the romantic connection - but I respect my husband and our relationship too much to let it continue and had to choose. When we see each other every few months we still feel the pull to each other, and it's been over a year, so I don't think we could have ended the feelings for each other without the distance. I'm still trying to sweep them all away.


Thanks for your perspective. If I may ask: was an unsatisfactory sex life with your DH a factor in the development of your crush/EA? If it was unsatisfactory, do you think that you would have fallen for the temptation, or that you would have had a harder time putting the crush behind, even with the distance?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2024 09:27     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Do you think you would have been able to end it if you had remained in the same department? Would a conscious effort but without reduced proximity have sufficed?


I don't think so. We tried, and would be okay for a little while, keeping the emotional distance and just professional, but then one of us would slip and give the other a look, or we'd have a funny moment and laugh and the wall would drop, feelings would come crushing back in. It's REALLY hard to compartmentalize completely when you have real, visceral feelings for someone that you're trying to overcome. I have been married for 26 years and adore my husband and my life, but I am drawn to my colleague almost at a cellular level, as the woman I am now - he's in a similar situation. We had a friendship built on mutual respect and admiration - it's been just as hard to lose that connection of friendship as the romantic connection - but I respect my husband and our relationship too much to let it continue and had to choose. When we see each other every few months we still feel the pull to each other, and it's been over a year, so I don't think we could have ended the feelings for each other without the distance. I'm still trying to sweep them all away.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2024 09:05     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
DH and I went out with my crush and his wife a couple of times. Turned out that she liked my husband and we all hooked up a couple of times. It sort of fizzled out. None of us wanted a real relationship.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2024 08:17     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Anonymous wrote:Had an EA with a colleague for about two years. We did not realize the depth of our feelings for each other for awhile so were pretty deep into it when awareness hit. We let it go about 6 months more. We are both married and both happy with our partners with no intention of leaving, but the pull to each other became too strong and it started to hurt my heart. I knew it had to end so I changed roles, made a VERY conscious effort to avoid contact, and he transfered deparments. We still work for the same company but that ended the regular contact and the ferocity of the feelings started to fade with time. I still still see him sometimes, and still think of him occassionally with a wistful 'in another life' feeling, but the daily ache and need has lifted thank god!


Do you think you would have been able to end it if you had remained in the same department? Would a conscious effort but without reduced proximity have sufficed?
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2024 11:21     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Had an EA with a colleague for about two years. We did not realize the depth of our feelings for each other for awhile so were pretty deep into it when awareness hit. We let it go about 6 months more. We are both married and both happy with our partners with no intention of leaving, but the pull to each other became too strong and it started to hurt my heart. I knew it had to end so I changed roles, made a VERY conscious effort to avoid contact, and he transfered deparments. We still work for the same company but that ended the regular contact and the ferocity of the feelings started to fade with time. I still still see him sometimes, and still think of him occassionally with a wistful 'in another life' feeling, but the daily ache and need has lifted thank god!
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2024 10:43     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with the "lack of information" part. The more I get to know the target of my EA, the less attracted I am.


Can you say what it was that ended it for you? I have had the opposite issue and could use the tips.


He's arrogant and selfish. What I first saw as confidence and strength is turning out to be more bravado and stubbornness. I'm also starting to resent how little I mean to him, given how much time I spend thinking about him. Which is just reality sinking in.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2024 09:40     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
I moved on to a crush on another man. LOL kind of funny but that’s what happened.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2024 08:14     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
My crushes usually just fizzle out as I get to know them.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2024 22:40     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Ended in divorce when XH found out.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2024 22:01     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
We decided to end the affair, because they all have a shelf life and you don’t want to get caught. We are still friends and see each other at work daily.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2024 19:24     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with the "lack of information" part. The more I get to know the target of my EA, the less attracted I am.


Can you say what it was that ended it for you? I have had the opposite issue and could use the tips.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2024 19:18     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
I totally agree with the "lack of information" part. The more I get to know the target of my EA, the less attracted I am.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2024 19:14     Subject: Re:s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
I was the EA who had a crush on my boss. Firstly, I'm a woman and he's a married gay man, so it was never going to go anywhere right from the start. Secondly it ended with me losing respect for how he handled his money. I recently read "A crush is just a lack of information" and that rings true for me. When I found out he was terrible with money that information made him less attractive to me. Because of it, he laid me off and we never spoke or interacted after that. That's how it ended.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2024 19:07     Subject: s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?
My crush ended when she moved to another assignment (for an unrelated reason - I never acted on it so she probably didn't know).