Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:D&D? Writing? Theater?

My kid is pretty much the same (except the perfect grades) and likes the writing/performing parts of certain types of theater - not putting on a play, but closer to improv or writing your own scenes.

I know D&D gives an opportunity to do some world building and character study if they chose to do that, and is a small step in the fantasy space to something with more people.

Not to be encouraged.

Why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:D&D? Writing? Theater?

My kid is pretty much the same (except the perfect grades) and likes the writing/performing parts of certain types of theater - not putting on a play, but closer to improv or writing your own scenes.

I know D&D gives an opportunity to do some world building and character study if they chose to do that, and is a small step in the fantasy space to something with more people.

Not to be encouraged.

DP. Why not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t honestly see a problem with forcing activities. In our family, kids have to do some sport each season and 1 other activity, whatever they wish. The physical activity is really important to me. When these kids are adults, even more jobs will just be sitting. If they don’t like moving around, it will be a big problem!

How old are your kids? At some point, you can’t force. And the more you try, the more damage you might do to your relationship.

OP, just give your kid a few options, but if he declines, let it be. He will mature a lot in the next few years and new things will probably start to pique his interest.

My kids are old. 11 and 16. We had to force early so we no longer have to, because they like it. Early years were tough, because it is more fun and less effort to sit in front of the tv or iPad. I don’t think middle school is too late to push it. People who aren’t pushed outside their comfort zone will be in big trouble mentally in the future. In the past, someone who didn’t like to interact with people still had to go to the store, bank, work etc. So, most people could still function in a society. That is no longer the case, and if we are parents don’t emphasize their social growth as well as academic etc, we are going to have some big problems on our hands.

And if they stopped like it, would you do to force them? I’m all for pushing kids out of their comfort zone, but one of the key parts of transitioning from a parent of little kids to a parent of teenagers is realizing when you have to give them some agency on these things.

Anonymous wrote:D&D? Writing? Theater?

My kid is pretty much the same (except the perfect grades) and likes the writing/performing parts of certain types of theater - not putting on a play, but closer to improv or writing your own scenes.

I know D&D gives an opportunity to do some world building and character study if they chose to do that, and is a small step in the fantasy space to something with more people.

Not to be encouraged.

Anonymous wrote:

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

DP. What on earth is the problem? He’s got great grades, he’s a voracious reader, plays volleyball and an instrument. He has lots of interests. He sounds like a great kid!

Please, please don’t even mention “pressure from colleges” in regards to a seventh grader, for goodness sake.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t honestly see a problem with forcing activities. In our family, kids have to do some sport each season and 1 other activity, whatever they wish. The physical activity is really important to me. When these kids are adults, even more jobs will just be sitting. If they don’t like moving around, it will be a big problem!

How old are your kids? At some point, you can’t force. And the more you try, the more damage you might do to your relationship.

OP, just give your kid a few options, but if he declines, let it be. He will mature a lot in the next few years and new things will probably start to pique his interest.

My kids are old. 11 and 16. We had to force early so we no longer have to, because they like it. Early years were tough, because it is more fun and less effort to sit in front of the tv or iPad. I don’t think middle school is too late to push it. People who aren’t pushed outside their comfort zone will be in big trouble mentally in the future. In the past, someone who didn’t like to interact with people still had to go to the store, bank, work etc. So, most people could still function in a society. That is no longer the case, and if we are parents don’t emphasize their social growth as well as academic etc, we are going to have some big problems on our hands.

Dear lord, leave the kids alone. Is he getting in trouble? Probably not. Why does he have to be "productive". Were you productive in 7th grade?

Anonymous wrote:He isn't interested in sports because he doesn't have any friends that play sports. If he participated in sports in ES he would have friends that play sports.

What are his friends doing instead of sports? Can he do whatever they are doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t honestly see a problem with forcing activities. In our family, kids have to do some sport each season and 1 other activity, whatever they wish. The physical activity is really important to me. When these kids are adults, even more jobs will just be sitting. If they don’t like moving around, it will be a big problem!

They don't need activities for that.

They do when they don’t have a ready set of neighborhood friends to run around with. Which is the case for many kids these days!

We have neighborhood friends but we still have to schedule time with them. If we just pulled our kid from activities for them, she would just be sitting and waiting most of the time. It’s sad but that’s life for many now.

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

Thanks OP. Is it telling to me that (1) you answered my question about why he doesn't want to do activities you suggest, but you did not answer my question about friends[i] and (2) you are thinking ahead to college application season.

I agree with you that it's harmful to try to force passions onto kids. One way to help a middle schooler choose after school activities is to ask them what their friends are doing, as they might be more likely to join. Another is to give parameters. Tell him you he needs to join one school club of his choice. But I have a feeling your child needs to cultivate in person friendships this year. If I'm right, you should focus your energy on planning events and hosting other kids at your house.

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

I would try to gently push the music -- that seems like at least a possible interest there. A lot of kids who are good at music don't necessarily enjoy practicing at home to begin with so don't appear to have a "zeal" for it but might still like playing with ensembles (i.e. school orchestra, county bands, etc.). Maybe if you could find a private teacher who's an especially good-fit in terms of personality it would help?

redquasar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP when he turns down the activities you suggest, what reason does he give? Does he have friends? Does he spend time with them outside of school?

he'll usually state that he has no interest and it will be hard to get motivated for that. He does some recreational volleyball at the Y but not a sports guy which is fine. He does orchestra in school and played last year in a very high level county band, but just went through the motions; no zeal.

There is a pressure from colleges to be a "pointy' applicant which a unique passion. I disagree with that if it is forced and doesn't come from within. But turning down options at the buffet of opportunities before even trying them is tough.

DP. What on earth is the problem? He’s got great grades, he’s a voracious reader, plays volleyball and an instrument. He has lots of interests. He sounds like a great kid!

Please, please don’t even mention “pressure from colleges” in regards to a seventh grader, for goodness sake.

He isn't interested in sports because he doesn't have any friends that play sports. If he participated in sports in ES he would have friends that play sports.

Anonymous wrote:Have to start sports in ES.

Dumbest comment on dcum 👍

Anonymous wrote:Have to start sports in ES.

Many but not all.

Golf, tennis, volleyball, rock climbing can all be started later.