I think if you’re just the ride (dropping kids off to ice skate or whatever), everyone pays own way. If you’re inviting a kid to join a family outing, then you pay (although it is always nice for invited kid to offer).

At a certain age, it starts changing. The invites come from the kid not the parent. I provide rides and drop off. If I’m joining the activity, I might pay for everyone, but otherwise no. (And even in that case, when it’s expensive like a show or amusement park, the kid buys their own ticket.)

I would switch to having your kid ask, rather than you connecting with the parent. That may feel less awkward to you.

We have an only (12) and typically pay for the other child. Most children show up with spending money or contribute in some way, ie buying snacks and popcorn at the movies etc. With that said, they typically don't choose many expensive things to do. Yet. Once we get at or above the $40 or so range for the extra child, parents usually offer to pay. Right now we just roughly budget with our DD what's feasible, ie bubble tea, lunch @ fast casual and window shopping , movies and ice cream, etc. Grandparents and extended family also mostly buy gift cards or experiences now -- versus gifts -- so my DD has choices of things to do and places to go, ie bubble tea, Escape Room,Sbux etc.

I think it is fine to accept money for a pricey event like a show. I do find it odd when parents that I know are affluent will send me a venmo request for money for a movie ticket for my son, when I have taken their kid places and paid other times, but I pay it and let it go.

As the inviting parent, I always assume I’m paying for everything. Typically the invitee covers spending money if kids aren’t with me (like an amusement park). If a parent offers I typically decline as I would approve the invite before it’s due extended. If they push the issue, I accept.

As the parent of the invited kid, I always offer. If I know it’s expensive I will look up the cost and simply ask for their Venmo to send the money. I always send my kid with spending money.

If you cannot afford bringing the friend, then I would limit invitations and pay when you offer.

It depends. I'm taking DS and 2 friends to a haunted festival tonight. The tickets are $60 each and then there will be food. I totally expect and am fine with paying. That said, if the parents send money (which they will because they have previously )I'll probably have the kids buy their own food and any extras.

That seems to be the norm in with DSs friend group.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's totally fine either way.

DD has a friend who often invites her and I'm not letting the parents pay constantly. We send her with money, or I offer to buy DD's ticket ahead of time. I would feel terrible if the other parent paid all the time! Just happy they think of DD and include her.

+1 We have 3 kids and often one of our kids is available to go with their friend, but DH and I aren't. We're more than happy to pay DC's way and we're grateful the other parents are doing all the work.

I think it's totally fine either way.

DD has a friend who often invites her and I'm not letting the parents pay constantly. We send her with money, or I offer to buy DD's ticket ahead of time. I would feel terrible if the other parent paid all the time! Just happy they think of DD and include her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since it was offered upfront and is a more expensive outing, totally fine to accept the $.

Yes this. It's great when people take initiative and offer to organize an outing, invite my kid etc. I always offer to pay and unless cost is de minimus the other parent usually says sure and we just Venmo.

Wanted to add - some relationships are more reciprocal where we take turns or can split costs of diff parts of an outing.

But DS has one friend who's an only child who invites him to a lot (we do too, but it's not proportional) and it would be crazy to me if that friend's parents always had to pay for everything too. I love that they invite and include us!

I've been in the situation where I think I'm just a driver but then we get to the gate and the kids didn't bring an appropriate method of payment. Even when I've said multiple times to my kid, "please make sure everyone knows to bring $x for admission and extra for whatever they want to eat or but."

The kid says they'll pay back, but I don't really know the parents and it feels petty to track down a middle schooler for $50 or whatever. But it adds up and also makes me suspicious of being taken advantage of.

OP, this is the age where my kids and their friends started 1) planning some of their own activities and 2) paying their own way (especially for pricey things). Sometimes we still invite/cover friends - but that's for birthday outings or otherwise "bigger" deal events. So the norms on this vary, but it's not out of line for kids to cover their own tickets once they are more independent.