Over the last 8 or 9 years I think we have all become so bludgeoned by the Trump MAGA crowd on the far right and the flaming liberals on the far left that arguing over nothing has become part of everyday life. When all you are exposed to is lies and anger it’s easy for it to seep into everyday behavior. Fifty years ago there was no way for an individual to be bombarded every day with the anger we now see a hundred times a day on all of our various screens. When you get pummeled over and over again with that anger it’s easy for it to seep into each of us. The attitude “If I don’t win, I’m a loser” is slowly infecting so many people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

He’s said “yea you’re right, I’m trying to get better about it” when I’ve pointed it out.

I’m just sort of bitter about the whole thing because for so long he made it seem like he settled for me because I couldn’t have these discussions, and I genuinely thought he was so much smarter than me. Now that I’ve had the time to learn these things, I see he’s actually not that smart. Anyone can learn these things and repeat them back in a conversation.

Which doesn’t make me love him any less. I still love him and think he’s incredible. I’m just bitter because I thought learning these things would make him hold me in higher esteem, and instead it just makes him mad.

Um.. what is truly incredible is that you still love and look up to your DH after being disrespected for years!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

Me again. The ironic thing is that the things we argue most about are on topics where I'm the expert, not him. I don't fight him on his areas of expertise, I defer to his superior knowledge. But mine? He will still try to win. I'm offended!

He doesn't respect you.

Oh, that much is made very clear to me! I am going to leave him. I’d rather live alone than be continually disrespected like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

He’s said “yea you’re right, I’m trying to get better about it” when I’ve pointed it out.

I’m just sort of bitter about the whole thing because for so long he made it seem like he settled for me because I couldn’t have these discussions, and I genuinely thought he was so much smarter than me. Now that I’ve had the time to learn these things, I see he’s actually not that smart. Anyone can learn these things and repeat them back in a conversation.

Which doesn’t make me love him any less. I still love him and think he’s incredible. I’m just bitter because I thought learning these things would make him hold me in higher esteem, and instead it just makes him mad.

He. is a man. Society has bred him for decades to believe he is smarter than any woman, that women should be deferential to him and that he should make all decisions and no one should challenge his authority.

You, however, were bred to think you are lesser. You believed so when your husband told you so.

Now you have figured out that you are not lesser. But, your DH has not figured out that you are not lesser, because it would mean that he is not more.

Welcome to the patriarchy.

You can spend time "educating" DH to get him to see you as an equally competent person, but TBH IME very few men are willing to see their own privilege and the faulty foundation that has built it. If you choose this path, you will spend a lot of time and energy on him which can better be spent on yourself.

So, the other option is to just engage superficially on these subjects and let him pontificate and be superior. Invest your time and attention on yourself and things that are of genuine interest and value to yourself.