Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t always bring food for my kids when we go out. But honestly if my kid had just worked a double shift I definitely would have said yes. It’s just the nice thing to do.

I'm 54. This is the relationship I've had with my mom who is now 82, and it's the same relationship I have with my 19 and 22 year old. Has nothing to do with age or whether or not we are all living together. It's just the nice thing to do, period.

Haha, I am 50 and my dad is 80. He’s always making sure I’m not hungry and I’ve eaten enough.

1. I always have food prepared for my teens if they're still living in my house, or have announced they will pop in at mealtimes. I do not expect my kids to prepare their own meals, especially after a long day of school and activities. They don't work except in the summer. I want them to focus on their studies and college admissions. They have very little money and I feel it's a basic requirement of parenting to feed, clothe and house them (or pay for college room and board).

2. We don't eat out often, because of the cost. We don't bring home food, because we're usually not in a situation where someone will get home late and a meal isn't already made for them. In your situation, I would have made sure something nice was ready for my hard-working teen, either carry-out or home-cooked!

*it’s not usually from the restaurant I’m at

We often do but it’s never from the restaurant we are at and only if I know they are coming home late and there isn’t something quick to heat up. For example, we ate out and the kids had a late practice or worked a long shift after school. Maybe I’ll order something to go or maybe I stop by someplace on the way home to pick up subs. If I know we have leftovers, I don’t. I understand what it’s like to come home late, tired and hungry and want some food without cooking. That’s why I went out to dinner!

Anonymous wrote:I don’t always bring food for my kids when we go out. But honestly if my kid had just worked a double shift I definitely would have said yes. It’s just the nice thing to do.

I'm 54. This is the relationship I've had with my mom who is now 82, and it's the same relationship I have with my 19 and 22 year old. Has nothing to do with age or whether or not we are all living together. It's just the nice thing to do, period.

No need to get her carry out, but if that’s what you have done in the past, just let her know she’ll have to get something for herself.

If you change family norms without notice in a way that is better for you but inconveniences others, then are you the AH.

DD was probably hangry.

I don’t think my parents ever brought me takeout from a restaurant but if there was no family dinner, they would have told me “you’re on your own for dinner” probably at least the morning of if not before, and they would have either had food I could make stocked or would have told me with time to pick something up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your daughter presumably lives with you, right? And she was working all day, you ate dinner without her (which might have been fair depending on the time), and you didn’t think about how she’d feel about coming home to no meal? Of course she isn’t entitled to carryout, but she’s probably feeling hurt that you didn’t even think about what she’d eat after coming home tired - you’re her parents.

A 17 year old needs to begin some adulting, and can figure out a meal for herself from whatever's in the kitchen.

Geez, my 15 year old can make herself dinner if we aren't home. She would never expect us to bring her takeout. Actually she's more likely to order delivery for herself (with her own money, of course).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between 24 and 17. 24 year old should be getting his own food. 17, arguably, you should still be looking out for her and making sure there is something in the fridge or kitchen for her to cook. So it makes sense that the 24 year old has a different opinion than the 17 year old.

It read me to like the 24 year old agreed with the 17 year old.

Yes. 24 year old agreed the family norm was they would bring home food before OP did a switch up on the spot and left 17 year old surprised and hanging.

Did you tell anyone you recently decided to change how you have always behaved?

When we go out, kids don’t get carry out but they never have. It isn’t spoiled to expect today to be like the past decade.

No. We never bring home carry out for our teens if we go to dinner. We either leave pizza (delivery or take and bake), occasionally allow them to order door dash, or have frozen stuff they can throw in the oven or air fryer. If we don’t have any of those things available, they make themselves pasta or grilled cheese or just have cereal or a sandwich. 13, 15, & 16.

I don’t always bring food for my kids when we go out. But honestly if my kid had just worked a double shift I definitely would have said yes. It’s just the nice thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:Big difference between 24 and 17. 24 year old should be getting his own food. 17, arguably, you should still be looking out for her and making sure there is something in the fridge or kitchen for her to cook. So it makes sense that the 24 year old has a different opinion than the 17 year old.

It read me to like the 24 year old agreed with the 17 year old.