Anonymous wrote:I think the doctor is trying to ease you into dementia. Unless all those issues only showed up post surgery, the odds are there were deficiencies before that the wife covered up. Unless you see the person every day people do not notice.

I had a neighbour slipping into Alzheimer's and the family was in complete denial. The signs were there for me to see but they put on blinders and told me I was wrong.

You don't know that, poster.

I am a professional caregiver with over a decade's experience caregiving primarily for elders. I am also an attorney with prior experience doing involuntary commitments of elders with altered cognition from organic sources, which I posted about previously.

Post surgery and general anesthesia is a different experience for elders than for younger healthier patients. They can get their brains scrambled from improper hydration levels, electrolytes out of whack, low grade UTI, etc. I am talking about very pronounced cognitive dysfunction which resembles dementia but which is totally correctable by addressing deficiencies that have developed in the body's functioning in the aftermath of surgery which exacts a more extreme toll on the aged body, especially if the elder is not a very fit person - by very fit I mean consuming a great diet and getting regular physical exercise.

I've lost count now of the patients I have seen mentally addled by organic processes that were corrected once physicians took the time to figure things out. Even chronic vitamin deficiencies can cause altered cognition that mimics dementia.

So, you just don't know.

Anonymous wrote:Do not leave this person alone. Must be monitored 24/7. Sorry.

Absolutely no driving. Hide the keys/their license. Remove car battery if you must.

No showering w/o supervision and I suggest a shower chair. No up/down stairs without assistance. No in/out bed without assistance.

Likely a written memory type standardized test will be administered in office.

Make certain DH or other responsible party takes notes during appointment or record on your phone.

Good advice, to which I’d add:
unplug or disable stove.
Install scald guard on bath and faucets.
Remove or cover mirrors.

Geriatric psych might be a better fit

I think the doctor is trying to ease you into dementia. Unless all those issues only showed up post surgery, the odds are there were deficiencies before that the wife covered up. Unless you see the person every day people do not notice.

I had a neighbour slipping into Alzheimer's and the family was in complete denial. The signs were there for me to see but they put on blinders and told me I was wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get POA now

And don’t let the wife control his assets or drain them

They are my in-laws. They’re her assets too. I don’t care what she does with them as long as everyone is safe. Husband does have limited POA and has for years.

Doctor found some deficiencies that could be causing behavioral changes and is addressing them and doing follow up scans. Not definitive for dementia yet (he did have recent hospital stay he was recovering from) She was very frank about their need to look into continuing care which was good to hear from a stranger.

Anonymous wrote:Get POA now

And don’t let the wife control his assets or drain them

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, that’s definitely not early stages unfortunately.

I agree to always check for a UTI any time there’s a steep step down.

Get all the account information and all insurance policies gathered in one place.

Buckle up.

Yes, I know that is probably true. He recently had a hospital stay which included a UTI, and is why there is part time help. We’re having a conversation this weekend in part to gather this information and hopefully really get the spouse on board. Residential care will be an extremely hard sell but might be able to convince full time in home care

Why is the spouse not on board? Are they afraid it will drain their savings?

I think that’s part of it, but more denial, afraid of their own mortality, loss of quality of life. Wife is nearly a decade younger. There are significant assets including 2 paid off properties and lots of cash/investments

Make sure it doesn’t all go to the wife who I assume is not your mother

Get POA now

Anonymous wrote:PP and make certain that the diagnosis is fully explained to patient. Do t do as my FIL did and interrupt the doctor to advise that the patient NOT told the complete diagnosis. (I started a whole thread about this)

That’s rough. Definitely plan on making sure the doctor throughly explains. Parent generally listens to doctors

Do not

PP and make certain that the diagnosis is fully explained to patient. Do t do as my FIL did and interrupt the doctor to advise that the patient NOT told the complete diagnosis. (I started a whole thread about this)

Do not leave this person alone. Must be monitored 24/7. Sorry.

Absolutely no driving. Hide the keys/their license. Remove car battery if you must.

No showering w/o supervision and I suggest a shower chair. No up/down stairs without assistance. No in/out bed without assistance.

Likely a written memory type standardized test will be administered in office.

Make certain DH or other responsible party takes notes during appointment or record on your phone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking this a lot more seriously would be the first step. Get proper locks for your doors and a door alarm.

Door alarms are installed, we are taking it seriously and getting their spouse on board. There’s a lot of denial

Door alarms are not enough. You need physical locks they can’t open. Otherwise, you’ll never sleep. Trust me on this.

Anonymous wrote:When you go to the doctor, don’t let the spouse of the patient downplay the symptoms or present a rosier picture than reality. That will delay getting the kind of help needed. Also, be prepared for the patient to remember specific long-term memory things like SSN or birthdate, but not know what year it is.

My husband is going to the appointment with his parents, to make sure that doesn’t happen and that we get information from the doctor.

When you go to the doctor, don’t let the spouse of the patient downplay the symptoms or present a rosier picture than reality. That will delay getting the kind of help needed. Also, be prepared for the patient to remember specific long-term memory things like SSN or birthdate, but not know what year it is.