Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else here disagree with their spouse on when they should retire? I want to retire very early, but my spouse wants us to both work for as long as possible, at least until the traditional retirement age. How do you reconcile the two? Yes, we discussed this during dating, when my spouse voiced support for my retirement goals. But that was before kids, childcare expenses, and buying a house.

Did you plan on not having children to achieve the early retirement goal? How old are your children? How much is left on your mortgage?

OP, you see this is a promise broken by your spouse. He sees it as he has come to realize what it takes to be responsible. I'm sure you're both disappointed. You that life isn't turning out as you wanted, same with him, including that he doesn't have a partner who is willing to help him secure your family's life.

You aren't really asking for Money advice since you aren't taking any of it since no one believes this is a good idea. Take it to the Relationship forum and you might get some sympathy over there regarding a disappointing relationship.

What about your kids? Where do they figure in your plan? Life changes and your spouse now sees that raising kids is a lot more expensive than originally thought, and their plan evolves. But apparently not you. You are still stuck on the original plan and cannot, will not, deviate from it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

What if he also wants to retire now?

OP here. Then we downsize our house and both retire. That was my original dream life--where we both retire early. My spouse definitely does not want to retire though.

Where do you live? $2.5-3mil is not enough to retire at 40, especially if your DH retires before 65. You might be able to do it if you move to a much lcol area, but could your DH keep his job if you did that?

What would you do for health insurance? It's super expensive, especially as you get older.

We are 54/60, two kids, with 529 funded for in state. We have about $3.5mil saved, and that is just about enough (excludes house). DH is now retired at 60; I'm still working, for two more years. We hope to have about $4mil by the time I retire at 56 in order for us to have a comfortable lifestyle -- health insurance, traveling, etc..

Again, health insurance is crazy expensive. What if your DH was laid off? Ageism is real (that's partly why DH retired at 60).

We moved to an area with cheaper housing, but other col was somewhat similar. This still enabled me to stop working for like 18 months, but we relied on savings, too. I eventually went back to work because we needed to save for both retirement and college (which also is insanely expensive, even in state school).

You might be able to do this if you lived in a really cheap area, but I would question the qol in such an area since cheap usually means lack of services.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

So in your 30s, you want to quite your job and trim back your lifestyle, while your spouse continues to work to support you?

OP, when people suggest this they usually have enough sense to couch it in terms of taking care of the kids and the household, it will be better for everyone's mental health, etc. But you don't bother with any of that - you just say you want to quit.

You get points for honesty, I guess. No points for anything else, though, such as being a good partner and sharing the burden equally.

OP here. I was honest back when we were dating that I was looking for a partner either to retire early with me (living a frugal lifestyle), or not stopping me from retiring early. My spouse claimed to be okay with my plan.

And then people grow up and fully comprehend the reality of being a responsible adult. If you have hit 2.5 - 3MM in your 30s, when markets are at all time highs, you need to manage through the next few volatile years and keep adding to the pile.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

When you say assets, what do you mean? Stocks, bonds, both retirement accounts, 529s and brokerage accounts? Please don't say crypto.

There is no way that both of you can retire with this level of assets at your age and pay for kid's college, trips.

I think you're tired of working and that is overriding the ability to think clearly. Most FIRE people end up going back to work because the frugal lifestyle gets old quickly, especially once the kids year ramp up with activities, not to mention college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

So in your 30s, you want to quite your job and trim back your lifestyle, while your spouse continues to work to support you?

OP, when people suggest this they usually have enough sense to couch it in terms of taking care of the kids and the household, it will be better for everyone's mental health, etc. But you don't bother with any of that - you just say you want to quit.

You get points for honesty, I guess. No points for anything else, though, such as being a good partner and sharing the burden equally.

OP here. I was honest back when we were dating that I was looking for a partner either to retire early with me (living a frugal lifestyle), or not stopping me from retiring early. My spouse claimed to be okay with my plan.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

So in your 30s, you want to quite your job and trim back your lifestyle, while your spouse continues to work to support you?

OP, when people suggest this they usually have enough sense to couch it in terms of taking care of the kids and the household, it will be better for everyone's mental health, etc. But you don't bother with any of that - you just say you want to quit.

You get points for honesty, I guess. No points for anything else, though, such as being a good partner and sharing the burden equally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

What if he also wants to retire now?

OP here. Then we downsize our house and both retire. That was my original dream life--where we both retire early. My spouse definitely does not want to retire though.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

What if he also wants to retire now?

OP here. We have around $2.5-3m in assets, excluding any home equity in our primary residence. I feel like we can live on just my spouse's income, maybe cutting back just slightly. My spouse does not want to cut back on our lifestyle at all.

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I disagreed. I would retire today if I could. She would keep working to minimum retirement age, or say 62.

The compromise we came to is that we will keep working to the year that the kids graduate college. We will be 55/57. That is the time by which we will have saved sufficient money that we can enjoy the lifestyle that we have both agreed we want.

So the process was:
1. Come to an agreement on lifestyle - e.g. how much more/less do we want to spend than we do now, how much for travel etc.
2. Plan out at what age our finances can afford us that lifestyle.

This^^^. You retire when you have an agreed upon lifestyle and when you can afford that.

For us, spouse retired at 56. I've been SAHP for 25+ years. We have plenty of $$$, so it was their choice when to retire. We can afford a very nice lifestyle for the next 40+ years (if needed) and still leave plenty to the kids

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I disagreed. I would retire today if I could. She would keep working to minimum retirement age, or say 62.

The compromise we came to is that we will keep working to the year that the kids graduate college. We will be 55/57. That is the time by which we will have saved sufficient money that we can enjoy the lifestyle that we have both agreed we want.

So the process was:
1. Come to an agreement on lifestyle - e.g. how much more/less do we want to spend than we do now, how much for travel etc.
2. Plan out at what age our finances can afford us that lifestyle.

This is the only way to do it if you want to stay married and not breed resentment

OP, how much money do you guys have? Are you expecting your spouse to keep working in order to pay for everything?

My spouse and I disagreed. I would retire today if I could. She would keep working to minimum retirement age, or say 62.

The compromise we came to is that we will keep working to the year that the kids graduate college. We will be 55/57. That is the time by which we will have saved sufficient money that we can enjoy the lifestyle that we have both agreed we want.

So the process was:
1. Come to an agreement on lifestyle - e.g. how much more/less do we want to spend than we do now, how much for travel etc.
2. Plan out at what age our finances can afford us that lifestyle.