Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 18:37     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.


The reason is bolded.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 15:31     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like friends get split in the divorce. It depends who took custody of you.


This. In the examples OP gave, her DH is friends with the ex-DH. Of course the woman won't feel comfortable hanging out now. A lot of people dislike their ex-spouse so much that they don't want anything to do with them, including old friends.


Who needs a friend married to a friend if your Ex and the children all hang out.

Let the dads do something for a change.
Shes prob elated and hope he’s a good role model.


In the case of the alcoholic, I do feel my friend is willing to give me up so that Dh can be there for her soon to be ex.

We used to vacation with this family every summer for over a decade. Our oldest are 15 years old. She did not want to join us this year without her husband. She also didn’t want to go with just kids or just moms. Ag the same time, I see her posting wine outings with new friends and also friends I know are single or divorced.


You cant understand why, upon the failure of her marriage, she wouldnt want to continue to take the same trip she took w her exh for over a decade?!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 15:28     Subject: Re:Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
I think when people know the reasons it can change things. The woman on our block turns out was banging married men so, rightly, none of the women --even those that were former friends wanted anything to do with her when that got out. She now gravitates towards the middle-aged women hooking up OLD scene. Most people stayed friends with the husband after they sold the house and divorced.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 15:08     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
I lost a lot of friends in divorce and not only because they were couple friends. Some people seemed to pull away from me because …idk…they fear divorce is contagious? But also hanging out with people from my old life was a painful reminder of all that I had to leave behind (my home, community, lifestyle). Once my kids are done with school I will leave the area too. I want to focus on moving forward.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:48     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
If you are serious OP, stop feeling slighted and reach out. There can be some paranoia amongst recent divorcees that the former couple friends no longer really want to hang out with you (fear that divorce is contagious or that they have heard a bunch of negative half truths/spin from the ex) etc.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:45     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who has divorced was our friend through our respective husbands. I have since learned that once the divorce is announced I will likely never see these women again. I ask them to coffee or lunch or whatever but they never accept and I give up.


Op here. So these women were the wives of your dh’s friends?

My friends were friends I met first or we met together as couples or parents. My one childless divorced friend is just my friend although my husband and her ex husband also became friends.

My DH is a very nice guy and everyone likes him. Most guys like him so even if I meet the woman first, we would become couple/family friends. My kids are also all very social.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:41     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who has divorced was our friend through our respective husbands. I have since learned that once the divorce is announced I will likely never see these women again. I ask them to coffee or lunch or whatever but they never accept and I give up.


You likely seem nosy or like a spy. Even though you are not.

They just dont want to know and don’t want you/ex to know.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:37     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like friends get split in the divorce. It depends who took custody of you.


This. In the examples OP gave, her DH is friends with the ex-DH. Of course the woman won't feel comfortable hanging out now. A lot of people dislike their ex-spouse so much that they don't want anything to do with them, including old friends.


Who needs a friend married to a friend if your Ex and the children all hang out.

Let the dads do something for a change.
Shes prob elated and hope he’s a good role model.


In the case of the alcoholic, I do feel my friend is willing to give me up so that Dh can be there for her soon to be ex.

We used to vacation with this family every summer for over a decade. Our oldest are 15 years old. She did not want to join us this year without her husband. She also didn’t want to go with just kids or just moms. Ag the same time, I see her posting wine outings with new friends and also friends I know are single or divorced.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:36     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Everyone I know who has divorced was our friend through our respective husbands. I have since learned that once the divorce is announced I will likely never see these women again. I ask them to coffee or lunch or whatever but they never accept and I give up.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:33     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.


If your husband is still friends with their husbands, that might be a bit too close for comfort. I’m divorcing now and don’t want to socialize with people who are also spending time with the ex and his side piece. My ego just can’t take that.


The guys don’t have girlfriends or anyone they bring around. In both my examples, the wife wanted the divorce.

My divorcing friend is leaving her alcoholic husband. I am totally her friend first. My husband is and was friends with both of them for over a decade. Her soon to be ex does not have many friends while my female friend has tons of friends. She definitely seems to be gravitating towards divorced and single people. We have teen children but I also have an elementary child while she only has teens.


What’s your point Op?
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:32     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like friends get split in the divorce. It depends who took custody of you.


This. In the examples OP gave, her DH is friends with the ex-DH. Of course the woman won't feel comfortable hanging out now. A lot of people dislike their ex-spouse so much that they don't want anything to do with them, including old friends.


Who needs a friend married to a friend if your Ex and the children all hang out.

Let the dads do something for a change.
Shes prob elated and hope he’s a good role model.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:30     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
In both cases you state her ex is great friends with your husband.

No divorced mother needs that. Stay out of it and just be civil and kind.

But really things has got to be another stupid Troll post
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:29     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.


Is this a joke?

Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:26     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
I am a woman going through a divorce. I have a number of new friends who are also women going through a divorce or recently divorced. We relate to each other because we are going through the same thing/are at the same place in our lives. It has nothing to do with my “old friends”, its really all about me and the journey I am on in my life right now.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2024 14:25     Subject: Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It could be just us. But mutual and non mutual friends still include ex DH in their plans. The women are still friendly( or friendlier) to him.


Perhaps the guy was miserable and friends are happy the ex wife is out of the picture.

But women are also weird to be honest. They tend to avoid divorced women far more than men avoid divorced men. I personally know a few divorced men and they still have the same guys friends. On the other hand I heard from a couple of divorced women (too small of a sample size to generalize) that some of their friends give them funny looks. In fact in case one of her former married friend just stopped talking to her.


Internalized misogyny that's all. I see at work a lot. So won't be surprised it happens towards women who are divorced as well.