Therapy. Something deeper is going on.

If she had a specific other interest (want to do X instead of college), fine. Otherwise I would be helicoptering like crazy on this.

Anonymous wrote:Encourage, don't drug.

I don't have a high school diploma and make 750-900/year.

The vast majority of people with only a HS diploma are barely making ends meet. The kid either needs a degree or a trade. I wouldn't want to be on the hook for financially supporting a child forever who was capable of doing what they needed to do to support themselves but chose not to.

Anonymous wrote:Encourage, don't drug.

I don't have a high school diploma and make 750-900/year.

Should say ...don't guilt.

Encourage, don't drug.

I don't have a high school diploma and make 750-900/year.

No, you don't kick her out. I would be working with her to figure out her path. See what the resources the high school has for this as well. Set the boundary that she needs to either be pursuing training, trade school or working and eventually maybe taking a class.

College can be a waste of money for some and plenty of teens boomerang back from college only to transfer, or work and take classes at home. She may be better off not going right away as long as she understands life after high school will not be the good parts of high school without only classes. Many of her friends will move on and she will need to earning money.

For a kid who is college material but didn't want to go:

I would continue to provide room and board as long as she was a good "roommate"-- cleaning up after herself, helpful, etc.

I would encourage but not require community college classes.

I would require a job, either PT with community college or FT without.

I would

I would not treat a decision not to go immediately to college as something that requires "tough love" or punishment. The idea that a kid gets kicked out of the house at high school graduation because they don't want to go away to college? Ridiculous. And also bullsh*t. Some of you love to pretend you're so tough.

I'd call it a gap year. Chances are, once all of her friends leave to go off to school, she'll change her mind and make some plans.

Anonymous wrote:21:36 again and I’ll add that my husband went to college right away, dropped out and worked full time, different jobs, his mid 20s when he went back to school. He said that working was the best thing that happened to him because he matured and learned a lot about the real world. He wasn’t ready for college before that. That’s why we are okay if our kids don’t go right away but they will have to work.

+1

You need to be contributing or working towards education in some way. No free rides But help and support certainly

21:36 again and I’ll add that my husband went to college right away, dropped out and worked full time, different jobs, his mid 20s when he went back to school. He said that working was the best thing that happened to him because he matured and learned a lot about the real world. He wasn’t ready for college before that. That’s why we are okay if our kids don’t go right away but they will have to work.

My current junior isn’t sure he wants to go to college. We aren’t putting pressure on him right now and a lot can change in the next year. We aren’t talking about this constantly or even every week, but slowly looking at different options including trade schools and apprenticeships. If he wants to take some time and work, that’s okay too. He has a part time job right now and we would require it at least be full time and he contributes to the house if he’s not in school or training.

Anonymous wrote:Unless she plans to enroll in some sort of training, no college would be a no from me.

Better not to go to college than to go and flunk out or worse.
Is she interested in apprenticeships? Job corps? Military? If she's smart and reasonably in shape physically and mentally, a military recruiter would probably love to talk with her.

Does she have a steady boyfriend who is influencing her?

Only a junior. She'll probably change her mind. But, consider whether she wants a gap year or legitimately doesn't want college. If no college, I agree that she gets summer to find a full time job. Then I would set a 1 year limit for her to get an apartment and start paying all bills. I would let her know that if she ever changes her mind, college is always on the table (or some other trade school, certification, etc.). Otherwise, she has to start living her life, paying her bills, etc. I would help look for apartments and so on. Just like you might if she did go to college and was getting ready to graduate, find a job, apartment, and so on.

Unless she plans to enroll in some sort of training, no college would be a no from me.

It was more of an assumption. We kind of talked about it like it was a given, and she played along.