Why are people coming down on OP so hard? she's allowed to have mixed feelings about someone she was involved with changing genders. It's a normal part of processing massive change

In my dating years, most of the cis people who had crushes on me turned out to be homosexual. Does that make me trans in denial?

Who cares? People are doing all sorts of weird shit these days. It’s like they’re bored.

Anonymous wrote:you're bisexual and the person you dated was a closeted trans woman at the time. Queer people dating one another, even when one or both are still closeted, is kind of a common thing to have happen.

What is there to process? The fact that you dated a closeted trans woman or are you worried that you contributed to the pressure for her to stay closeted?

Well then. Double who cares. You’re both queer.

Who cares.

The people suggesting you’re selfish or out of line are being ridiculous. Of course one can’t help but look back twenty years on those years and reflect. Presumably your relationship with this person consumed much of your waking hours back then, and had an impact on who you are today. You probably have a weird feeling of knowing you spent all this time with someone but there was this huge part of them that was a secret (?) a facade (?) or just something waiting to be discovered (?). I don’t know what there is to process, so much as it’s a large piece of information that will certainly change how you look back on those years. Anyone arguing otherwise is dumb.

you're bisexual and the person you dated was a closeted trans woman at the time. Queer people dating one another, even when one or both are still closeted, is kind of a common thing to have happen.

What is there to process? The fact that you dated a closeted trans woman or are you worried that you contributed to the pressure for her to stay closeted?

Anonymous wrote:What do you need to process? This isn’t about you. This information changes nothing.

Well maybe dating OP did this to the ex.

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

Oh come on. Are you really this stupid? Or are you being deliberately obtuse so you can be mean?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you have to process? It doesn’t affect you. It was somebody you knew 20 years ago. Are usually this self-centered?

+1 it is what it is
FWIW my ex became trans a few years after dating me, and her name is the diminutive of my name. So she's Katie to my Katherine. Every year or so we get lunch, and we do a Grey Gardens bit where she's my Little Edie. She's still the same weirdo I dated all those years ago.

Please make a buddy moving starring Luke Wilson as the ex and the actress of your choice as you.

I'm team 'hmmph'. Mildly interesting, would make me think about if I say any signs of their unhappiness with their gender, but wouldn't need to spend a lot of time processing.

I've known a few 'Tootsie' types who become female gender but don't seem to work hard at being very feminine in movements/walk/appearance/voice. I think about that more as I don't understand, but they are definitely cool/nice people and much happier.

What do you need to process? This isn’t about you. This information changes nothing.

Men hide skeletons in their closet all the time

I just found out my ex embezzled hundreds of millions of dollars. Awaiting trial. Hard to reconcile with the sweet guy I knew. I wish I didn't know.

Gender dysphoria at a late age is extremely unusual, made even more so because OP had a relationship with this guy.

You can’t process it because it’s super weird.