Anonymous wrote:Or we are going to Johnny’s football game or we have soccer. We know many families who have multiple kids who play soccer on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I define a helicopter parent as one who cares so much they will intervene in issues where there child clearly is at fault to prevent a just consequence. Or who will intervene to get their child preference when the kid hasn't earned preference. Or who will some day show up at their kids' job interview when the kid is an adult.

Example: not helicopter parenting to politely teach your middle school aged kid how to ask a coach what they need to do in order to earn more playing time on a sports team. Helicopter parenting to go up to said coach yourself and demand the kid get more playing time without showing any additional effort/skill development.

+1. Some people called me a helicoptor parent because I removed my child from their five growling dogs after arriving to pick them up from a playdate (they are a bit over a year old). I was dismissed as overly anxious, high-strung and a helicoptor parent. Obviously, addressing known safety risks (they had promised to keep the dogs outside for the playdate) is not being a helicoptor parent and LO will not be returning, despite them being DH"s coworkers and our friends. I was attacked viciously by a neighbor's dog as a child and have zero tolerance for risks like that. When we left, their child was on the floor, eating chicken and the dogs were again growling and jostling for pieces because they hadn't been fed on time and it was now several hours after their normal feed time.

People need to adjust their expectations of what actual helicoptor parenting is and understand it harms the child, stunting their development.. preventing a mauling isn't that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do Americans think so differently about parenting than other places?

In my country, of course we involve ourselves in our children’s lives; that’s a parents job. Just letting a child makes choices for himself leads to childish outcomes, which are not optimal.

This is why we are the ones to select the activities, the school, and eventually their partner in the marriage. This is a system which has Ben proven to work because it is an ancient system.

Why can’t Americans see this?

This also happens in America. Tribalism, classism, racism, religious discrimination are usually components of ancient systems designed to reinforce the power of particular groups by keeping people from those groups together and in power and others out. There is a lot of paternalism and collectivism involved and although America remains paternalistic we are very individualistic. Would you arrange a marriage to someone of the same gender if your child identified as LGBTQ?

Anonymous wrote:I define a helicopter parent as one who cares so much they will intervene in issues where there child clearly is at fault to prevent a just consequence. Or who will intervene to get their child preference when the kid hasn't earned preference. Or who will some day show up at their kids' job interview when the kid is an adult.

Example: not helicopter parenting to politely teach your middle school aged kid how to ask a coach what they need to do in order to earn more playing time on a sports team. Helicopter parenting to go up to said coach yourself and demand the kid get more playing time without showing any additional effort/skill development.

Anonymous wrote:Why do Americans think so differently about parenting than other places?

In my country, of course we involve ourselves in our children’s lives; that’s a parents job. Just letting a child makes choices for himself leads to childish outcomes, which are not optimal.

This is why we are the ones to select the activities, the school, and eventually their partner in the marriage. This is a system which has Ben proven to work because it is an ancient system.

Why can’t Americans see this?

Anonymous wrote:A helicopter parent is anyone who is more involved than I am, and an absent/checked out parent is anyone less involved than I am. Hope that helps!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I define a helicopter parent as one who cares so much they will intervene in issues where there child clearly is at fault to prevent a just consequence. Or who will intervene to get their child preference when the kid hasn't earned preference. Or who will some day show up at their kids' job interview when the kid is an adult.

Example: not helicopter parenting to politely teach your middle school aged kid how to ask a coach what they need to do in order to earn more playing time on a sports team. Helicopter parenting to go up to said coach yourself and demand the kid get more playing time without showing any additional effort/skill development.

+1. Some people called me a helicoptor parent because I removed my child from their five growling dogs after arriving to pick them up from a playdate (they are a bit over a year old). I was dismissed as overly anxious, high-strung and a helicoptor parent. Obviously, addressing known safety risks (they had promised to keep the dogs outside for the playdate) is not being a helicoptor parent and LO will not be returning, despite them being DH"s coworkers and our friends. I was attacked viciously by a neighbor's dog as a child and have zero tolerance for risks like that. When we left, their child was on the floor, eating chicken and the dogs were again growling and jostling for pieces because they hadn't been fed on time and it was now several hours after their normal feed time.

People need to adjust their expectations of what actual helicoptor parenting is and understand it harms the child, stunting their development.. preventing a mauling isn't that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Overly enmeshed, invested. Use of “we” to describe the child activities — we are doing soccer this year, we have a math test.

Just chiming in to say this phrasing bugs me, too, and I can't explain why. I realize it's kind of petty. I saw that in the chat group for our grade at the beginning of the school year. "WE have Mrs. Larla!" Uh, no, YOU don't.