Anonymous wrote:I prioritize social skills/EQ and life skills. Those can go a lot further especially if you’re not destined to be an engineer/STEM type in the top 5 percent.

How do you build those skills? As someone who lacks them (I'm a STEM type so its not all terrible), I am unsure how you prioritize? Its not like there is "Sales Skills for Middle Grades"... though maybe that's girl scout cookies?

We like to explore

We prioritize exploration.

Anonymous wrote:At 9, he is old enough to do hard things. Kids need to be challenged, to fail, to try again, to see the progression toward a goal. While your son is doing “fine” he isn’t working hard at anything at all. To me, that’s a problem. He is just showing up, going through the motions to participate, then zoning out on a screen at home. You are wasting his brain. Find something for him to be challenged in.

This! School is easy for many, it will be very hard to manage when it gets hard. We prioritize working through something hard and getting all the endorphins from sucess at figuring something out thats not easy. Thats music for us and weekend language school. Limited screens. My kid reads for fun (books, magazines etc) for free time as well. For things that are easy we work on prioritizing and doing the work first and well and then enjoying ourselves.

Anonymous wrote:1. Fostering a love for school; so that when/if things get tough they have a good mental association
2. Muscle memory of homework/completing tasks and structure. I tell them eventually everyone will catch up
3. Being a good friend/good citizen by discussing social/EQ scenarios when recapping our day; extra points for helping schoolmates


- Parent of ES/new MS that both get straight A's with little/no effort

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1. Fostering a love for school; so that when/if things get tough they have a good mental association
2. Muscle memory of homework/completing tasks and structure. I tell them eventually everyone will catch up
3. Being a good friend/good citizen by discussing social/EQ scenarios when recapping our day; extra points for helping schoolmates


- Parent of ES/new MS that both get straight A's with little/no effort

We prioritize a lot. We do not care if he does or does not have homework. We work with him on academics at home. It is a way to bond and learn. We also proritze outdoor time. Husband will ride bikes with him (I hate bike riding), but I play basketball with him. We also just do things around the house, so clean up, clean the yard, etc. It is a family effort to keep the family and household together. Never too young to help. Social skills, we go out. We have playdates, we have parties, we have functions. I guess we just do normal stuff honestly. We also have a tutor. I am a teacher and the kids are behind like crazy. Although he is not, I know that the majority of his peers are so to the teacher may not work with him as much because he is above. No worries, I got him at home.

We prioritize outdoor time and exercise (we walk or bike two miles a day to and from school.). We try to do a no tv family dinner time every night where we try new foods. We restrict sugar especially for our more reactive kid.

We don’t ban screens and probably allow more than we should but it’s not unlimited. Kids do homework (~15 min a day) and some enrichment a couple times a week. They clean the playroom 3 times a week.

We don’t do many sports or activities as we have three kids and find it’s a usually just a time sink at this age. We go on trips to visit family here and abroad. We don’t do rsm or kumon but will sign up for tutoring if a kid is struggling with a concept. We do a couple play dates a month. We joined a neighborhood pool where our kids play with a lot of their school friends.

DS played a rec sport, baseball or soccer mainly, to be active and learn how to work within a team and to hang out with friends.

DS was/is in Scouts. Cub Scouts was twice a week meeting with monthly Pack meetings. He socialized, learned som new skills, was introduced to many different concepts, and enjoyed camping and hiking. He loved it and bridged to Troop with weekly meetings and all sorts of opportunities. He is thriving.

DS was in math enrichment. He loves math and the math at school was boring so he took a math class at RSM. He started participating in math competitions and loves them.

We limit screen time to 1 hour a day after homework is done and less then that if he has activities going on.

He has a good group of friends, is doing well in school, and is well rounded. He has tried different activities and dropped them because he wasn’t interested. The activities he does he chooses. And yes, he is an only so his schedule isn’t a burden.

Choose what makes sense for your kid but if they have a ton of screen time, I would limit that. You might need to work to find things to fill in that time if you don’t have a neighborhood with lots of kids at home to go out and play with.

I take my whiskey free

Have you heard him read?

At 9, he is old enough to do hard things. Kids need to be challenged, to fail, to try again, to see the progression toward a goal. While your son is doing “fine” he isn’t working hard at anything at all. To me, that’s a problem. He is just showing up, going through the motions to participate, then zoning out on a screen at home. You are wasting his brain. Find something for him to be challenged in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prioritize social skills/EQ and life skills. Those can go a lot further especially if you’re not destined to be an engineer/STEM type in the top 5 percent.

How do you do this?

Role model situations constantly and give them the words in the car on the way to things. First day of school? I model what to say and how to greet a teacher. Remind child not to leave others our or how to include a friend who is left out. If I hear kids in a carpool say something rude about another child I correct and say something positive. Sports, my husband and I will tell other kids on the team good job, great hit, etc and now the kids do it to teammates. Some kids will naturally pick up things like this and some kids need to be told or it to be modeled by their parents for them to start doing it.

My kids do basic chores daily, make bed and make table and clear table and fold laundry. I’ve read that’s the number one thing to build a child’s confidence.

Anonymous wrote:I prioritize social skills/EQ and life skills. Those can go a lot further especially if you’re not destined to be an engineer/STEM type in the top 5 percent.

How do you do this?

Family Time! Whether it is dinner together or a joint activity or sport. You do not get these years back and in a few more he will be doing his own thing and you will be watching it happen. We spent so much time on spelling lists and spanish words. Looking back it was not important.

Mom of 25 year old.