Anonymous wrote:This post is so weird. A come back line? Maybe don’t project onto her that where she is going to school is so riddled with shame that she needs a retort? Wtf. You sound nuts. Try not to ruin your kids self esteem further.

+1 OP’s post is really weird and sad. In my extended family, we have a range of kids going to top elites, lower level regionals, and schools in between. That’s pretty typical. And btw, their outcomes don’t always correlate to the school attended. Get over it, OP. Your thinking is warped.

It sounds like there is some sort of competition going on here between OP and probably some of their siblings who have children of similar age. That's the only explanation for lying about getting financial aid. OP assumes that those asking about college care so much and are so well informed about college process that they would understand that scholarship would mean she could have gotten into a better school otherwise.... which, in reality, that might not be at (just some clueless cousins making small talk) but also, they could be (a close relative with college bound kids).

OP, we're Asian and supposedly Tiger Parents, but when it comes to actual college outcomes, we're just happy the kids are happy.

They've worked really hard to have doors open for them: to have options, not specifically to get into Harvard. There is a big difference. If one door doesn't open, who cares? There are many options. Your child should apply to safeties, targets and reaches at the level she's at, attend all the Accepted Student Days, where they show you the real campus vibe and the nitty-gritty (food and dorms), and then pick her best fit.

My kid picked his safety. He's happy. We're happy.

This post is so weird. A come back line? Maybe don’t project onto her that where she is going to school is so riddled with shame that she needs a retort? Wtf. You sound nuts. Try not to ruin your kids self esteem further.

I don’t think it’s rude for people to ask. Most of the time they just want to celebrate you and your next chapter.

I think you have to confidently say I’ve decided to go to ____ or just say “I haven’t decided. It’s tough to have so many options”

Because it is tough. People think the school chooses you but in the end of your options it’s who you choose. Choosing where you want to spend the next four years is overwhelming.

Anonymous wrote:What a sad post. I hope you don’t pass your insecurities onto your child.

+1. Get yourself into therapy stat, OP. There is no need for a comeback line. Your child should be going to the school that is the best fit for her and be proud of her choice. That type of validation comes internally, not externally, and the point of parenting is to teach your child how to find that internal validation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can be so nosy. They can also be well-meaning. And clueless.
Just get your statement ready “oh man this is a long process! We will see!”

It’s not nosy for a family member to ask where they are going to college!

Asking in August before senior year is a bit clueless.

DP. I'm assuming they are asking where she is considering applying. For families where going to college is the norm, this is not an unusual question to ask a rising senior.

OP, you are making too much of this. It's extremely common for kids to only be focusing on in-state schools. The reason could be grades. It could also be finances or simply wanting to stay close to home.

What you really need to explore is why your DD is so unhappy with her college prospects that she doesn't even want to socialize with her family. That speaks to some pretty deep self-esteem issues that will only get worse if not addressed.

Most people don’t get into top schools. That’s why they are the top schools.

It’s actually rude now to ask kids where they want to go. It’s like asking someone what they do so you can judge them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD doesn't want to go to family parties anymore, everyone is asking and focusing where she will be going to college next year. DD is not a stellar student and will most likely be going to an in state college. Her grades aren't high enough with her gpa to get into the state's main university. She doesn't know how to respond to family, people in general. I don't either, for now I say she is undecided and play off she is doing well at school- yes, I know ego.

If this is your child and she didn't get into a top school, what have you said? Lie and say she got a big scholarship to a lesser college?

She says where she is going and say she feels lucky to have gotten in. You may not mean to, but you sound embarrassed not even FOR her but embarrassed OF her.

+1. One of my kids went to a T10 school. The other - to a non-flagship state school. The answer to “where are you going?” was essentially the same: I’ve decided on X, majoring in Y, super excited about it.

It is completely wrong to lie and concerning that you suggested that.

I'd say 'looking forward to going to X University' or 'undecided' whichever it may be.

There is nothing shameful about the in-state university. Shocking anyone would think that.

My own parents told my sibling and I in-state and I went to one that is known as tops in the nation.

I am telling my child in-state, and it may not be a top one here, from current academics.

I have personally witnessed one-upmanship. That is nothing new and it is that person's insecurity.

They got into the best fit for a school for them. Its a great school and we are really proud of her and support her choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can be so nosy. They can also be well-meaning. And clueless.
Just get your statement ready “oh man this is a long process! We will see!”

It’s not nosy for a family member to ask where they are going to college!

Asking in August before senior year is a bit clueless.

Anonymous wrote:People can be so nosy. They can also be well-meaning. And clueless.
Just get your statement ready “oh man this is a long process! We will see!”

It’s not nosy for a family member to ask where they are going to college!

Unless you’ve been unnecessarily hyping your student’s success, most family members have a sense of your kid’s achievement.

For example, if in eleventh grade, Grandma asked about high school and your kid detailed their 7APs, hard work, and great grades, there might be some thought that your kid is smart and shooting for a better college outcome. However, if your kid responds that school is boring but that shop class is pretty cool, Grandma knows that trade school, community college, or a low-level public is more likely. I just don’t understand how Grandma would suddenly be shocked that your daughter isn’t going to Yale, unless you’ve been promoting that idea.

Just shrug and say “well, the world needs ditch diggers too.”