If you've met the right person and you aren't worried about money, why not marry early? Move in together, buy a house (maybe with parents' help), work on building equity, have kids before you have fertility issues. All of this can be done while pursuing a career. -- Had baby during PhD

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both private school alums and were married at 26 and 28, so pretty young. We had already bought our first house in Arlington (without help from parents) and the only debt we had was grad school for my husband. We also have two kids in private school and pay full tuition without help from parents.

Well, not really since you had no undergrad debt and your parents paid for your education.

+1. I am regularly astounded by the ignorance of the well-to-do in these supposedly highly educated well-to-do areas of the country. Some examples of financial help that are regularly overlooked by the privileged:
1) College tuition, grad school financial help (e.g., tuition, housing, allowance, etc.)
2) Summer housing and living costs to be able to take unpaid summer internships
3) Cars + insurance + maintenance +gas
4) Travel home during holidays
5) Money to participate in activities with friends
6) Clothing money
7) Wedding expenses
8) Health insurance (esp before Obamacare, when kids were booted off parents' insurance at 18)
9) Medical expenses, including dental and vision

All of these things add up. Speaking as someone who grew up working class poor, attended a fancy private school (on scholarship), then Ivy for college and grad school, I knew a lot of kids who were convinced that they had worked so hard for everything they had, but were oblivious to their privilege. And to the the point of this thread, some of them got married young (with weddings and homes paid for by parents), but most did not. They were, after all, in grad school and most married in their late twenties/early thirties.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both private school alums and were married at 26 and 28, so pretty young. We had already bought our first house in Arlington (without help from parents) and the only debt we had was grad school for my husband. We also have two kids in private school and pay full tuition without help from parents.

Well, not really since you had no undergrad debt and your parents paid for your education.

God, if I were young, highly educated and debt free the last thing I would jump into is marriage.

DH and I are both private school alums and were married at 26 and 28, so pretty young. We had already bought our first house in Arlington (without help from parents) and the only debt we had was grad school for my husband. We also have two kids in private school and pay full tuition without help from parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be the case because they come from wealthy families who help them out with a down payment on their first home or other assets.
I feel finances may stop many young people from getting married and that tends not to be as much of an issue with the private school alums.

Of course the families are helping (with engagement ring, wedding, down payment on house). There is nothing wrong with that.

That's your answer. People get married young when they can afford it because their parents subsidize them or when their ambitions are low. Others know they need to establish careers in their 20s and can't afford to start a family yet

I went to a small religious college. Lots of people married young due to religious convictions. Some even had kids pretty much straight out of school. That didn't stop them from establishing careers. I find the argument that you can't do both at the same time a little weird. Yes it's somewhat career and support system dependent, but I know so many very successful people with happy seeming families who started young.

If both parents are trying to start careers, especially if one or both will require grad school or moving cities, it is not easy. When you have a trust fund and jobs are optional, it's easy

You accommodate each other. It's part of learning to be married. Sure it helps to have money (and some of my friends did), but sometimes it can be done by just scraping by and hard work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be the case because they come from wealthy families who help them out with a down payment on their first home or other assets.
I feel finances may stop many young people from getting married and that tends not to be as much of an issue with the private school alums.

Of course the families are helping (with engagement ring, wedding, down payment on house). There is nothing wrong with that.

That's your answer. People get married young when they can afford it because their parents subsidize them or when their ambitions are low. Others know they need to establish careers in their 20s and can't afford to start a family yet

I went to a small religious college. Lots of people married young due to religious convictions. Some even had kids pretty much straight out of school. That didn't stop them from establishing careers. I find the argument that you can't do both at the same time a little weird. Yes it's somewhat career and support system dependent, but I know so many very successful people with happy seeming families who started young.

If both parents are trying to start careers, especially if one or both will require grad school or moving cities, it is not easy. When you have a trust fund and jobs are optional, it's easy

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?

Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.

Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.

You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.[b]

fascinating....or sad? (not the wedding part, the social media pressure part)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?

Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.

Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.

You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.

Hmmmm. How many is the majority? Five girls from DD's NCS class? Ten? Twenty? Even so, that is a far cry from the 40+ who would need to be married by age 25 to make up most of the class as marrying young. I stand by the trend that most NCS girls are waiting until their late 20s to get married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW. I’m really shocked by that! Many want to go for advanced degrees right after graduation! But I guess if you find the right person better to lock them in early!

I’d guess half of them are in grad or professional school. Many already have a master’s degree.

It's also entirely possible to pursue a graduate degree WHILE married. And it feels ridiculous to have to state such an incredibly obvious truth.

+1. It’s jaded millennials and gen x’ers who post such things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?

Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.

Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.

You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW. I’m really shocked by that! Many want to go for advanced degrees right after graduation! But I guess if you find the right person better to lock them in early!

I’d guess half of them are in grad or professional school. Many already have a master’s degree.

It's also entirely possible to pursue a graduate degree WHILE married. And it feels ridiculous to have to state such an incredibly obvious truth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be the case because they come from wealthy families who help them out with a down payment on their first home or other assets.
I feel finances may stop many young people from getting married and that tends not to be as much of an issue with the private school alums.

Of course the families are helping (with engagement ring, wedding, down payment on house). There is nothing wrong with that.

That's your answer. People get married young when they can afford it because their parents subsidize them or when their ambitions are low. Others know they need to establish careers in their 20s and can't afford to start a family yet

I went to a small religious college. Lots of people married young due to religious convictions. Some even had kids pretty much straight out of school. That didn't stop them from establishing careers. I find the argument that you can't do both at the same time a little weird. Yes it's somewhat career and support system dependent, but I know so many very successful people with happy seeming families who started young.

Mostly arranged marriages

Wealthy college graduates marry earlier.