Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we so concerned if they’re getting married in their 20s? Statistically they are much less likely to divorce if they marry at 30+.

DC is generally populated with highly educated intelligent people but these recent threads really belie that - parents, grab a brain and stop thinking it’s a negative that your kids aren’t getting married and procreating under 30. if they do, you’ll be on here in 10 years, lamenting their blended family situation with the grandkids because the marriages won’t last.

50% of women who turn 30 without a child will remain childless.

And? 50% is a coin toss, for one thing. And, having children is not for everyone, nor dies it define a woman’s worth nor value of her life experience. Have we not come further in society that we value women as more than breeders, and assume that’s all they want to be? I guess not, based on this thread. It’s all “lock down the high earning and good looking men early.”

It honestly doesn’t sound much different than it would have if internet message boards had existed in the 1950s — “better lock down those doctors and lawyers while they're in grad school girls, or you’ll have to settle for a poor, ugly, crazy guy once you’re in your 30s or GASP you might not have children, and then your life will be meaningless.”

Sad that it’s 2024 and this is still the message young women are getting. It’s a lot of what’s wrong with society.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If marriages in 20's aren't going well, its easy to divorce and move on. If marriages in 30's and 40's aren't going well, there is too much to loose hence people stay trapped.

My friends who married in late 30s and 40s are more unhappy. Their marriages weren’t necessarily love matches. They married quickly because the clock was ticking and they wanted kids. They’re glad they had kids but many of them divorced quickly too.

Friends who married late 20s/early 30s dated for several years prior to marriage. They also grew up more together (things like supporting each other in grad school, buying first homes together, starting first jobs together). I actually don’t have any friends who married in that range that divorced. A few divorced who married at ages 22-24.

There is something to be said about the shared struggle of finding your way in your 20s. You share each others highs and lows and become a team that understands each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we so concerned if they’re getting married in their 20s? Statistically they are much less likely to divorce if they marry at 30+.

DC is generally populated with highly educated intelligent people but these recent threads really belie that - parents, grab a brain and stop thinking it’s a negative that your kids aren’t getting married and procreating under 30. if they do, you’ll be on here in 10 years, lamenting their blended family situation with the grandkids because the marriages won’t last.

It’s a lot harder to find a good spouse once you leave the college/grad school lifestyle. Yes it happens for some, but it’s basically OLD or colleagues after that. There will never again be as many academic/intellectual peers in your life again once you leave school. So even if you don’t marry then, it’s still good to have found the person by then.

I really really don’t mean to be unkind or ageist with this response, but no, it’s not. I get that there are parents From many generations on here and the people commenting about kids getting married in their 20s, the parents/commenters themselves are generally in their 50s and perhaps early 60s.

For those of us who are younger/have younger kids and have been out in the dating world in the last 10 to 15 years, it just simply isn’t that difficult or bad as what you’re saying. I’m in my early 40s, and in contrast, literally all of my friends that did marry In their 20s divorced their partners. They have blended families now which are fine but all the concerns that come with such. Those who waited to marry until they’re 30s and 40s:
a) did not struggle to find partners (though it may have been perceived that way be those who assumed they wanted to be married younger) and
b) are still married to those partners they met later.

Well, I know many people who married their college boyfriends 20+ years ago and only one divorced. I also know many who didn't marry until their mid 30's and they all definitely settled, either in looks or in the earning potential of their husband, or in some cases both. A good looking guy with strong earning potential and a desire to be a "family man" is not going to be single into his 30's. He just isn't. Even in 2024. Couples might wait longer to actually tie the knot, but some smart woman has still gotten him locked into a committed relationship long before that.

That has been my observation and it will become more true as more men check out of adulthood, there will be ever more women competing for fewer men. I am advising my daughter to not leave college single. Marry young, don't have kids if you don't want kids at 22, but lock somebody down! Men mature at a faster rate when married as well, so the same man will be a better husband if he married at 24 vs 34. Some successful men resent that they were passed over when they were a dorky 18 year old but are now being chased when they have finalized their sexual market value in their 30s. Lock down the dorky 18 year old with potential.

Mostly agree. I don't know about lock the guy down in college but somewhat thereafter, yes. People may not care which is fine but PP is right -- reasonably good looking guys with high earning potential who want a family and are not crazy are not on the market by 35. Probably not on the market by 25. Hotter guys are on the market at 35. High earning potential but not meeting the other criteria are ont he market at 35. Crazy (including all kins of problems) is still on the market at 35. But by 25 the ones that hit all the numbers are taken. Most law school guys do not get out free -- either taken before or law school classmate. Same is happening at med school.

As a PP said, it is not these people that are getting divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we so concerned if they’re getting married in their 20s? Statistically they are much less likely to divorce if they marry at 30+.

DC is generally populated with highly educated intelligent people but these recent threads really belie that - parents, grab a brain and stop thinking it’s a negative that your kids aren’t getting married and procreating under 30. if they do, you’ll be on here in 10 years, lamenting their blended family situation with the grandkids because the marriages won’t last.

It’s a lot harder to find a good spouse once you leave the college/grad school lifestyle. Yes it happens for some, but it’s basically OLD or colleagues after that. There will never again be as many academic/intellectual peers in your life again once you leave school. So even if you don’t marry then, it’s still good to have found the person by then.

I really really don’t mean to be unkind or ageist with this response, but no, it’s not. I get that there are parents From many generations on here and the people commenting about kids getting married in their 20s, the parents/commenters themselves are generally in their 50s and perhaps early 60s.

For those of us who are younger/have younger kids and have been out in the dating world in the last 10 to 15 years, it just simply isn’t that difficult or bad as what you’re saying. I’m in my early 40s, and in contrast, literally all of my friends that did marry In their 20s divorced their partners. They have blended families now which are fine but all the concerns that come with such. Those who waited to marry until they’re 30s and 40s:
a) did not struggle to find partners (though it may have been perceived that way be those who assumed they wanted to be married younger) and
b) are still married to those partners they met later.

Well, I know many people who married their college boyfriends 20+ years ago and only one divorced. I also know many who didn't marry until their mid 30's and they all definitely settled, either in looks or in the earning potential of their husband, or in some cases both. A good looking guy with strong earning potential and a desire to be a "family man" is not going to be single into his 30's. He just isn't. Even in 2024. Couples might wait longer to actually tie the knot, but some smart woman has still gotten him locked into a committed relationship long before that.

That has been my observation and it will become more true as more men check out of adulthood, there will be ever more women competing for fewer men. I am advising my daughter to not leave college single. Marry young, don't have kids if you don't want kids at 22, but lock somebody down! Men mature at a faster rate when married as well, so the same man will be a better husband if he married at 24 vs 34. Some successful men resent that they were passed over when they were a dorky 18 year old but are now being chased when they have finalized their sexual market value in their 30s. Lock down the dorky 18 year old with potential.

Anonymous wrote:Why are we so concerned if they’re getting married in their 20s? Statistically they are much less likely to divorce if they marry at 30+.

DC is generally populated with highly educated intelligent people but these recent threads really belie that - parents, grab a brain and stop thinking it’s a negative that your kids aren’t getting married and procreating under 30. if they do, you’ll be on here in 10 years, lamenting their blended family situation with the grandkids because the marriages won’t last.

50% of women who turn 30 without a child will remain childless.

My 20something niece just married a guy she met on an app.

They're both really nice, but they seem really young.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we so concerned if they’re getting married in their 20s? Statistically they are much less likely to divorce if they marry at 30+.

DC is generally populated with highly educated intelligent people but these recent threads really belie that - parents, grab a brain and stop thinking it’s a negative that your kids aren’t getting married and procreating under 30. if they do, you’ll be on here in 10 years, lamenting their blended family situation with the grandkids because the marriages won’t last.

It’s a lot harder to find a good spouse once you leave the college/grad school lifestyle. Yes it happens for some, but it’s basically OLD or colleagues after that. There will never again be as many academic/intellectual peers in your life again once you leave school. So even if you don’t marry then, it’s still good to have found the person by then.

Disagree. I was living my best life in my early 20s and did not want/thought about settling down until my late 20s.

At 28, I met the one, got married at 30 and had a our first kid a year later. We've been together for over 20 years.

I encourage young adult (and my teen) to live life and settle around 30.

Anonymous wrote:I’m early 30s. From 27-32 there was a tidal wave of marriages. Every single one of my girl friends wanted to be married by 30, even those who didn’t want children and are very independent (obviously this didn’t happen for everyone).

I think as a society we could do a lot more to support marriages.

Same in my experience. People who didn't have steady partners by 29, were frantically trying to beat the clock and were willing to settle down with first available person who met some of the basic criteria and was willing to commit after quick courtship.

Tons

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we doing this every week?

Is it really that hard to guess? Parents worry.

What is there to worry about? Look at all the unhappily married people who feel stuck. I'd worry about them.

Look at the people scared of commitment in 20's, facing dwindling prospects in 30's and settling out of fear or laziness with whoever seems interested from shallow pool of potentials.

This sounds very anecdotal. Who are these people, and how do you know what they are scared of in their 20s or “settling” because of in their 30s?

Stats re: successful marriage ages (and not in the 50s or 80s, but in recent years please.)

How many got married in the late 2000s- 2010s while they were in their early or mid twenties, and are still together, versus how many got married in that period at 30+ who are still together.

So yes the stats may favor getting married in 30s. But those stats do not tease out high school only grads or less education that marry at 20 and 21 and professionals that marry at 25-29. All anecdotal but the trend that I have seen is that rich kids are getting married in college or right out. Kids whose parents are well off are making the plunge. Why? They can. No loans and help from parents. Those are not likely to end in divorce. The kids are not playing video games at home but are in grad school, law school, med school, or have great jobs -- they will do fine. The divorce rate as a whole is 25% for rich people.

In terms of no good pool in your 30s. That can't be true in the whole. But I have seen in my friend group that they have had issues. Every guy they like is married and was married in their 20s. Depends on your type I guess but this is a repeated refrain. I will note that almost every reasonably attractive guy from law school (T14) was married in their 20s. I have yet to see an unmarried man make partner at my firm. Most were married in their 20s -- most often to other lawyers.

People who meet their partner in college and marry post college are 41% less likely to divorce than others.

Anonymous wrote:If marriages in 20's aren't going well, its easy to divorce and move on. If marriages in 30's and 40's aren't going well, there is too much to loose hence people stay trapped.

My friends who married in late 30s and 40s are more unhappy. Their marriages weren’t necessarily love matches. They married quickly because the clock was ticking and they wanted kids. They’re glad they had kids but many of them divorced quickly too.

Friends who married late 20s/early 30s dated for several years prior to marriage. They also grew up more together (things like supporting each other in grad school, buying first homes together, starting first jobs together). I actually don’t have any friends who married in that range that divorced. A few divorced who married at ages 22-24.

All my niblings waited until after 30 to marry. Even the one that married her HS boyfriend.

I’m early 30s. From 27-32 there was a tidal wave of marriages. Every single one of my girl friends wanted to be married by 30, even those who didn’t want children and are very independent (obviously this didn’t happen for everyone).

I think as a society we could do a lot more to support marriages.

If marriages in 20's aren't going well, its easy to divorce and move on. If marriages in 30's and 40's aren't going well, there is too much to loose hence people stay trapped.