Huh. I seem to be the contrarian here. I am a working mom, with a 40% higher HHI than that, and I think a lot of that is too high. But, I do live with a cheap, controlling husband, so maybe I have lost all perspective. Why the $200 gym membership when yours is $60? Mine is 0. I run every morning and do weights and pilates at home. At 53 I too have a "smoking hot body." And I'm not sure why sombody who doesn't have a work wardrobe needs to spend that much on clothes. I work and don't spend nearly that much. And also way too much on nails at that HHI. If you had a lot of disposable income, sure, but at yours, no way. That's frivolous. My DD has started getting her nails done twice a month and I had to tell her to stop. I get mani/pedis 4x year tops. I rarely agree with the controlling husbands here, and you do seem to appreciate her, which is nice, but since you asked, that all seems high to me for a SAHM.

My wife does Pilates for $170/month and I am cool with that as she's got a smoking hot body. Definitely don't discourage self care and exercise or you might end up with a beast.

All of this is normal. I don’t do the mani (I cook and wash so many dishes that it doesn’t last a week), but this is all very basic upkeep for a woman. The gym probably provides childcare so that she can go while you’re at work.

This is temporary, you’ll have a higher income in a few years, but you should be glad she’s not just letting herself go. I opted not to stay home because I was afraid of this kind of situation—but I really wish I had.

What kind of gym costs $200/mo. for one person? Serious asking.

The only other thing that jumps out as excessive are the regular manicures. Nice to have, I’m sure, but easy enough to DIY. Save the occasional professional job for special events.

I don’t think it’s that bad. Yes she could cut back to a cheap gym or the county rec center for $75 or less a month, yes she could do her nails at home, yes she could get less takeout. The hair/skin care/clothes seem within normal range. I guess the question is, are your finances so tight at the moment that you really need her to sacrifice that stuff?

According to your post she’s spending
$200/month on a gym membership
$100/month on nails
$75/month we’ll say on takeout

If you dropped those to cheaper categories and she spent
$25/month for Planet Fitness (this is just what my local gym is showing, yours may be different)
$10/month on at home nail supplies
And made all her lunches and coffee at home (so your grocery bill would probably go up somewhat)

You’re going from $375/month to $35/month, best case scenario. And if the expensive gym offers say child care, it may not be feasible to downgrade to a less expensive gym.

Is that $340/month savings going to make a significant improvement in your financial situation? Thats what you have to consider.

Im a wife and I personally bring in 260/year and would NEVER spend this much money.

At those rates she better be smoking hot and putting it to good use for you.

This is normal for materialistic rich people who lack internal value.

Seems normal for a millennial woman. I spend less but am older and also always worked full time so didn’t have time for gyms and manicures when I had kids.

I spend more than DH in some areas and less in others. He spends more on fitness classes and supplements and spends more on luxury cars than I would. I spend more on clothes, plus have been paying out of pocket for ozempic for 1.5 years. And spend more on home decor than he would. So think more broadly about your expenses beyond personal care items.

Wait until the plastic surgeries

Start by getting her to join your gym. $200 a month is ridiculous.

If you appreciate that she looks good then stop complaining about what it takes to look like that. Ugh, what a 🤡

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts
200-300 every couple months on skin products
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out

So, our HHI is around 350k. I"m older and we both work. Some of this is normal and some seems excessive. Here are my thouhgs on what to cut down:

Gym--why do you each have a membership? We are at the ymca, 119/mo for the family. If she does a specialized thing like orange theory, then I get it ,if she is really going. I would prioritize fitness for metnal and physical health over clothes, etc.

mani/pedi: I get professional mani when I'm on a work trip or event, probably 6x/year. I do pedi 2-3x/summer. This is not excessive, but is it necessary to have nails professionally done when you're currently at home? not sure. I think this could be cut down.

200 on hair cuts--does she color hair ? I do and its 275 with tip. A plain cut for 200 is expensive, but you wear your hair every day.


200-300 on skin products?! that's a lot. A cheap rx of retinol and some 25$ moisturizer and sunscreen should be fine. She should save that money for laser treatments and stuff she will want when she is older



massage or spa--once a year is nothing.

clothes: I think this is a little high, but I tend to buy nicer things on poshmark or ebay and depending on the year I might spend more than that, depends. Last year I spent a lot on clothes, but it was a big overhaul of my closet after not doing so for years and kind of settling into my current weight (I lost about 10 lbs and kept it off a year so decided to clean out--watch me put it all back on!) .Because your wife is postpartum she should have clothes that fit but not overspend as things will change in the next year. I know that for me, a lot of impulse buying happens on amazon/online. It is so easy to overspend.

bigger luxury purchase of 500-1000? I never do this. I have no interest in 'luxury' things. I wear inexpensive jewelry or very expensive inherited pieces. I dont care about bags. I love shoes but you really dont need to spend more than 150$. I think if these are presents she is buying herself, maybe set a limit?

lunch/coffee, this seems reasonable, esp as she probably benefits from getting out of the house.

This is all very average. However, you can request cutting down where she feels she can and she can be more conscious of her spending. There is nothing wrong with reviewing expenses quarterly and seeing if family finances are on track. Just don't make it about her not working as she is working, just not getting paid as hired help doing all of it would've.

This is all normal spending. She sound like a reasonable educated woman, so here's my suggestion:

Come to an agreement with long term budgeting and what it will take to get there, i.e., do you want to save for a vacation home? College? Home upgrade? Car?

How much do you need to save given the stock market uncertainty to get there in yourtimeliness?

Then let her control the finances and track progress.

I'm a woman and, trust me, once I had my sights set on putting a ski condo in each of my kids' trusts - our spending on stuff like extra clothes, manicures, skin care, and hair cut came waaaaay down. I learned to do my own nails, I don't get massages unless it's a special occasion that I save for, I get the kids' hair cut at Ulta and only cut my hair 2x/yr. I dye/gloss my own hair now. I buy most clothes on extreme sale and am very picky. I only get skin care through my dermatologist, so it's subsidized by insurance. My standards haven't dropped, and I put a lot of effort into saving. I still spend too much on coffee, but it's not that much in the grand plan. We joined a health club (family membership) where kids activities are reasonably priced, so the total cost of these things came down, i.e., no individual memberships and its MUCH nicer and provides social outlets as well.

Basically, put her in the driver's seat and you'll be surprised with the outcome. My husband is shocked by all the changes I've made to save money. We have a much better quality of life and have a condo to pass to each of the kids. We are in our late 40s and have been on this path for a while now.