Anonymous
Post 09/01/2024 13:08     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:I lived at home as a young adult. My mom wanted to know if I would / wouldn't be home for dinner (for planning purposes) or if I was staying our overnight. I wasn't supposed to enter /leave the house between midnight and 6am to avoid disrupting their sleep. But where I was going or who I was with. No, they didn't ask and it was none of their business.


This^. Its not too difficult to be respectful of each other's boundaries. In our house garage door and main door sensors get triggered so everyone's sleep gets disrupted.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2024 13:04     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers him, he should work harder to afford a place of his own.


Yes, because “work harder” has a good track record for curing mental illness.


His current living situation isn't good for his or her mental health. Living independent of each other might help both breath better.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2024 11:24     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
A good pathway back to work is volunteering or religious involvement in service activities. These are responsible behaviors and will increase his confidence in managing situations.

I’m not sure of the disability level so maybe pushing grocery carts is a success. Or leading a youth group. I hope you have local mental health county services that can help define the right level.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2024 00:20     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
I lived at home as a young adult. My mom wanted to know if I would / wouldn't be home for dinner (for planning purposes) or if I was staying our overnight. I wasn't supposed to enter /leave the house between midnight and 6am to avoid disrupting their sleep. But where I was going or who I was with. No, they didn't ask and it was none of their business.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2024 00:19     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers him, he should work harder to afford a place of his own.


Yes, because “work harder” has a good track record for curing mental illness.


Escaping his overbearing mother may do wonders for his mental health.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2024 00:01     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:If it really bothers him, he should work harder to afford a place of his own.


Yes, because “work harder” has a good track record for curing mental illness.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2024 09:50     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
You're too enmeshed in his personal life, but the cruelest thing you can do to him is allow him to not look for work. Take all the energy you're spending on his curfew and put it into helping him send out job applications. He should be doing applications for 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday until he's employed. He needs to treat the job search process like his job. His mental health will only deteriorate from the isolation of unemployment.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2024 09:21     Subject: Re:How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
First of all - my adult kids will always have a home with me. No rent. No utilities. No paying for their food etc. Not only them, but their families will have a place with us.

Now, currently they are in their teens and twenties. They live with us when they are not at work, touring or in the dorm/aparrtment. They inform us when they are going to come late, and they entertain their friends at our home. In fact, the other day, around 7-8 friends left our house in early morning after having hung out together till late night. I was glad that they have a safe place to chill.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2024 20:13     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Back off. Tell him he has 2 months to get a job and then another 2 months to get an apartment. Neither of you will thrive while living together. He needs to move out for his own good and to help his mental health
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2024 15:08     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:Kid is in his 20s. Lives at home. I get anxiety and can’t sleep if he’s out too late and I want to know who he’s with, what he’s going to be doing, where he’s going, and when he’s coming home. And it makes me SO MAD if it’s like 11 pm and he just springs the fact he’s going to go out and hang with so-and-so person I have never met. He’s also gay and I don’t want him to get a “reputation”.

Are these guidelines too much to ask for an adult child living at home rent free? I mean it’s my house so I feel like telling him to follow my rules is entirely reasonable. Honest feedback please. Anyone else deal with your kids being upset by this?


my parents were/are like this w no other factors comtributing. so i dont think you are alone but based on how rare this inclination is (see comments) it is something to change. make him know how you feel. maybe if he communicates more you will hold tongue and learn to get used to it. concurrently work on his mental health and a plan for him to be independent in a bigger town, and you will worry less
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2024 15:01     Subject: How involved are you with your still-living-at-home adult kid’s life? Is this reasonable?
Is he your son or your boyfriend? Cut the apron strings, you sound unhinged.