Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

This is so trashy. If it "irks you" enough to say something, then say it to the person responsible for the behavior so they can adjust.

Saying it behind their back to someone else is the definition of gossip. Grow up.

I'm 100% going to think less of you if I say I like your SIL and you respond with something like that. Pp is right, grow up.

You will 100% think less of me, which I may or may not care about, but you’ll also now notice when you’re around her, and maybe you’ll make sure to get a burger patty before she gets to it.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that’s gossip.

I hit submit too soon. I meant to add that gossip can sometimes serve an important social function, but it is still gossip.

Yes, that’s gossip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op

That’s why I said things that were done to you or things you witnessed.

We get it. You want people to tell you it's not gossip and you should totally badmouth people to others.

You call it badmouthing, but what’s the difference between that and the truth? Should you hide the truth to protect someone’s feelings?

Didn’t the me too movement start by some people telling some true stories? Those women didn’t have it in them to tell the aggressor in the moment, but in so glad they finally spoke up and ‘badmouthed’ him.

And I do know what the dictionary or google definitions of gossip are. I was interested in how people perceive it.

I’m ok to accept that I don’t behave optimally sometimes. I’m ok with that. No need for you all to try and act like saints.

If all people would behave like they wrote the world would be so much better.

The fact that you're comparing telling someone that your SIL eats all the burgers when someone says she's nice to the Me Too movement tells me all I need to know about you.

That was a made up example. The point of the me too movement is to ask where do you draw the line. Life is not black and white like that.

But I am curious, please, do tell, what does it tell you about me?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It takes courage to correct the person and give them a chance to improve. It’s a sign of weakness and mean spiritedness to tell others out of earshot of the offender. Your actions will likely be perceived by others as the worse of the two offenses.

+ 1. I'd call it gossip, but whatever you call it, doing it is cowardly, to me, anyway.

In general I try to correct the behavior, but I’ve noticed that these people get very aggressive about it. They usually do not take the polite hint well, but go into confrontation.

These people are usually the elephant in the room, everyone knows they’re there and they stink, but everyone pretends that there is nothing wrong and they’re in a field of roses.

Usually because of some volatile reaction that the ‘aggressor’ has had. But they are closely related to you, not necessarily by blood, that there is a common incentive to keep the monster appeased. Then, for the sake of getting along, you’re expected to pretend like it’s all fine, but you do t want to anymore. Because, why?

One particular person I have in mind, always makes a scene when you call them out on it, even ever so slightly. The family consensus is to ignore and let go. What if you disagree, but if you don’t let go, you’re basically responsible for ruining the event? Or in exchange, let go in the moment, but make sure to list the issues?

I’m not sure what’s right.

I’d personally prefer to just confront the person, and I have in the past, but then I’d have to deal with all the pouty faces of the enablers and take responsibility for the ruined mood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

This is so trashy. If it "irks you" enough to say something, then say it to the person responsible for the behavior so they can adjust.

Saying it behind their back to someone else is the definition of gossip. Grow up.

I'm 100% going to think less of you if I say I like your SIL and you respond with something like that. Pp is right, grow up.

This. My mil never stops talking shit about others and I trust her not at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op

That’s why I said things that were done to you or things you witnessed.

We get it. You want people to tell you it's not gossip and you should totally badmouth people to others.

You call it badmouthing, but what’s the difference between that and the truth? Should you hide the truth to protect someone’s feelings?

Didn’t the me too movement start by some people telling some true stories? Those women didn’t have it in them to tell the aggressor in the moment, but in so glad they finally spoke up and ‘badmouthed’ him.

And I do know what the dictionary or google definitions of gossip are. I was interested in how people perceive it.

I’m ok to accept that I don’t behave optimally sometimes. I’m ok with that. No need for you all to try and act like saints.

If all people would behave like they wrote the world would be so much better.

The fact that you're comparing telling someone that your SIL eats all the burgers when someone says she's nice to the Me Too movement tells me all I need to know about you.

Keep your trap shut. Do not be a chatty Cathy or a cackling hen…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op

That’s why I said things that were done to you or things you witnessed.

We get it. You want people to tell you it's not gossip and you should totally badmouth people to others.

You call it badmouthing, but what’s the difference between that and the truth? Should you hide the truth to protect someone’s feelings?

Didn’t the me too movement start by some people telling some true stories? Those women didn’t have it in them to tell the aggressor in the moment, but in so glad they finally spoke up and ‘badmouthed’ him.

And I do know what the dictionary or google definitions of gossip are. I was interested in how people perceive it.

I’m ok to accept that I don’t behave optimally sometimes. I’m ok with that. No need for you all to try and act like saints.

If all people would behave like they wrote the world would be so much better.

I don’t have an answer yet wonder the same. I don’t want to gossip.

I think gossip can be defined partly by intent.

When a parent told me that Little Timmy had stabbed another boy with a pencil, I knew to keep a closer eye on my child when they were on the playground together. Timmy’s parents did not keep close watch over him.

That could be considered gossip by some or it could be considered safety information.

If Larlo breaks into your dorm room at a conference and looks at your clothing labels (and mentions the labels later in conversation) or does not pay people back, this is good info to have.

With the person who does not pay people back, I took steps to ensure it would never be me trying to get people to pay up for group trips.

If the info is not useful, then it might be closer to gossip.

Gossipy examples:

Did you know Larla has a trust fund?

Did you see the new car so and so bought?

Larl and Larka have an open marriage.

**

Anonymous wrote:It takes courage to correct the person and give them a chance to improve. It’s a sign of weakness and mean spiritedness to tell others out of earshot of the offender. Your actions will likely be perceived by others as the worse of the two offenses.

+ 1. I'd call it gossip, but whatever you call it, doing it is cowardly, to me, anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Op

That’s why I said things that were done to you or things you witnessed.

We get it. You want people to tell you it's not gossip and you should totally badmouth people to others.

Anonymous wrote:Op

That’s why I said things that were done to you or things you witnessed.

Most definitions I looked at said it "might" include things you didn't witness... which means that gossip CAN include things that happened to you personally or you witnessed. For example the google definition is: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

Your stories included information that is confirmed as being true, but that just means, under this definition, it's not "typical" gossip but it could still be gossip. You're literally giving "casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people," which is gossip, it's just not the "typical" kind, which involves "details that are not confirmed as being true."

Why is it important to you whether it is gossip or not?

Op

That’s why I said things that were done to you or things you witnessed.

I would tend to categorize this as gossip. But why does it matter? Is the thinking that "gossip" is bad, so if this isn't gossip, it isn't bad? It's still rude and childish to make these comments regardless of whether it meets a technical definition of "gossip." Some definitions include that the information is untrue or unverified, but some don't.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/gossip
conversation or reports about other people's private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossip
Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others; the act is also known as dishing or tattling.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gossip
: a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others