Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 11:03     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
I don't like jumping to rehoming because of the message it sends to your kids about dogs being disposable. This dog isn't doing anything wrong, this is just normal parts of having a dog that anyone who bothered to do baseline due diligence would know about. This is a living thing you committed to, and while sure, you can remove, the reality is getting a dog, particularly if you got it from a breeder or similar, is an action that creates demand. Shelter populations are up again post COVID.

If you get rid of this dog, this needs to be it forever for your family. Not try again in a couple years. You're done.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 10:47     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
Anonymous wrote:You need to confront your wife with this in a serious way.
She needs to own her behavior (first with the relentless pushing for a dog and then with the total lack of engagement and actual hostility toward the dog).
Acknowledge that she is angry/sad and having owner’s remorse about the situation, but explain to her that this is manifesting a side to her that is wholly unattractive and unacceptable in your eyes and in the eye of the kids.
The dog did not ask to become part of your family. She did that.
And now she is treating the poor thing as if it’s an unwelcomed interloper that is deliberately messing up her life.
Tell her this.
Tap into her sense of humanity, compassion, and justice and help her reframe her view of the dog so that she sees your furry companion as a living, breathing, feeling being rather than as an annoyance. Don’t let her off the hook so easily and tell her it’s time to step up and invest some time and energy into engaging with the puppy.

I don’t think re-homing is good for your children or you. And honestly it’s a terrible thing for your wife as well.
This isn’t a puppy who is a danger to your family. Don’t re-home. Re-ADJUST.


Thanks. I can't reply to everyone but I like the way you helped frame a potential conversation.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 09:34     Subject: Re:I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
A middle ground might be to throw money at the problem (if you’ve got the cash) or for you to take on more of what’s annoying for her. Can you pay a neighborhood kid to take the puppy on a long walk every afternoon? Pay a house cleaner? Buy one of those robot vacuums? Pay a really good trainer?

Also, you need to take on all puppy logistics - hiring of doggy daycare/figuring out travel logistics, etc.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 09:16     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
It’s called the puppy blues because having a puppy is way more work than most people realize. It’s like having a baby. I felt like maybe I’d made a mistake when I had a 5 month old Lab biting me. She’s two now and such an awesome dog. I would push through. Training is absolutely key. I sent ours to board and train for a few weeks and that made a huge difference.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 08:21     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
You need to confront your wife with this in a serious way.
She needs to own her behavior (first with the relentless pushing for a dog and then with the total lack of engagement and actual hostility toward the dog).
Acknowledge that she is angry/sad and having owner’s remorse about the situation, but explain to her that this is manifesting a side to her that is wholly unattractive and unacceptable in your eyes and in the eye of the kids.
The dog did not ask to become part of your family. She did that.
And now she is treating the poor thing as if it’s an unwelcomed interloper that is deliberately messing up her life.
Tell her this.
Tap into her sense of humanity, compassion, and justice and help her reframe her view of the dog so that she sees your furry companion as a living, breathing, feeling being rather than as an annoyance. Don’t let her off the hook so easily and tell her it’s time to step up and invest some time and energy into engaging with the puppy.

I don’t think re-homing is good for your children or you. And honestly it’s a terrible thing for your wife as well.
This isn’t a puppy who is a danger to your family. Don’t re-home. Re-ADJUST.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 08:07     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
Rehome. I know two families that did and it worked very well. Pets shouldn’t be ruining a family.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 08:03     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
It gets so much easier after the first 9 months or so. But I would leave the rehoming decision up to your wife. If she decides she wants to keep puppy, encourage her to get more involved and take puppy training classes. She needs to promise to get over herself and model good behavior in front of kids if she keeps the dog.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 07:28     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
This is why I will not relent! Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 05:32     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
It’s only been two months. Give it more time.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 03:28     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
You need t9ntalk to your wife. She created this situation by pushing for the puppy, she's not even the main caretaker and she's completely fallen down. When I got a dog as a kid we had TONS of conversations about how we were making a commitment and how the dog was a living thing. This is a grown adult and she should know better. Removing the dog, your kids absolutely will remember that, I remember how instantly I loved my childhood dog.

Sit down with her and have a serious talk because what she's doing is not okay. She needs to actually put some effort in.
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 02:46     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
rehoming the puppy will be painful, but less so than rehoming the wife...
Anonymous
Post 08/12/2024 00:07     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
I feel like there should be a way to have the concersatkkn with her where she makes the choice between pretending to like the dog and rehoming it and dealing with the effects on your kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2024 23:56     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
^^ I have no idea if my neighbors thought I was cruel. I’d stand outside with the dog and cry, so they probably judged me. But I care more about my mental health than my neighbor’s judgment any day. I didn’t become a pariah - lol. Rehoming a dog doesn’t make you an ax murderer.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2024 23:51     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
Anonymous wrote:For those saying rehome, how do you explain that to kids that love the dog? Of lesser importance, how do you have the discussion with friends and neighbors without becoming the animal hating pariah family


We rehomed a puppy after I gave in (and shouldn’t have). If was about 6 weeks in. I was miserable, which DH and my kids knew. One kid was briefly sad, and then it was all forgotten. They were mid- to late- elementary. I literally felt like I got my life back. I didn’t realize how depressed I was, and I think the dog was getting depressed.

The adoption agency literally sneered at me and made me feel terrible. Never mind that I had socialized the dog (walked 2-3 hours per day because we didn’t have a fence, and she’d still run in circles for 6+ hours a day), potty trained her, got her shots, sent her back with a year of food, all supplies, and a $300 donation.

But it wax worth it. I will always be grateful to a friend who is a big dog lover to do it.
Anonymous
Post 08/11/2024 23:25     Subject: I gave into spouse about getting a puppy and regret it!
My husband wanted the dog and he does 80% of the work. I feed it, snuggle with it and a few other things but he does the bulk of it. I'm not a dog person. The first two years were tuff but after the puppy stage it gets a drop better.