Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I have a terrible relationship with my crappy mom that required lots of therapy to get over, but my own two daughters are my favorite people in the world and I love hanging out with them. So glad I didn’t do all this self absorbed navel gazing that kept me from creating these two awesome people. Just get on with it, or don’t, damn. I’m tired of hearing about your thought process either way

I feel the same way. My mom was criminally abusive and we’ve been estranged for 10 years.

I’m still glad to have been born and to be alive. And no matter what happens I’m so happy to have my children. It’s been hard but I don’t want to imagine a world without them.

I mean, life is hard no matter what you do. But also, I’m a good problem solver and feel confident I’ll be able to muddle through whatever ends up happening. Still thankful to have been born.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The thing is that if you’re responding before you have adult children, you don’t actually know where I’m coming from…just like I don’t know what it will be like having a 30 or 40 year old child.

I just saw a post on here by a parent with a newborn who is mad at their mom or MIL for doing things like giving their kid a pacifier and they want to know if all parents just become annoying once they become grandparents. They’ve totally forgotten how their mom/mil was once where they are.

NP here. Sure, but this is like saying you won’t know if your marriage actually worked out until you divorce or one of you dies. So therefore people shouldn’t get married. There’s no way to know how any human relationship will pan out over decades.

It’s just not the same relationship. Sorry, but this comparison doesn’t work for me. A marriage you get to choose the person and there is an out.
The parent child relationship is just tough! Expectations of parents are so unreasonable right now.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I feel for your kids. You sound terrible. I miss my mom so much.

I love my adult children and they bring me so much joy, as do my little grandchildren. My husband died unexpectedly and they are the reason I get out of bed and participate in my life.

OP. I love my child and my mom, despite our fighting. I often feel my child doesn’t do a good job of showing me they love me. It’s not a question of love. Maybe it’s wondering why when I’ve tried so hard. I’m sorry your husband died. That would be incredibly hard.

I probably will not have grandchildren for medical reasons, but that has nothing to do with my questioning. I don’t feel like I’m owed them or anything.

I do know that both my grandmother and my mother had much better relationships with me and my child when we were little and loved them unconditionally. They both struggled to have good relationships with us as we became older and developed opinions they didn’t always like. In fact, I’ve seen that with a lot of the grandparent/grandchildren relationships I know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The thing is that if you’re responding before you have adult children, you don’t actually know where I’m coming from…just like I don’t know what it will be like having a 30 or 40 year old child.

I just saw a post on here by a parent with a newborn who is mad at their mom or MIL for doing things like giving their kid a pacifier and they want to know if all parents just become annoying once they become grandparents. They’ve totally forgotten how their mom/mil was once where they are.

NP here. Sure, but this is like saying you won’t know if your marriage actually worked out until you divorce or one of you dies. So therefore people shouldn’t get married. There’s no way to know how any human relationship will pan out over decades.

OP. You’re right. I just remember when I was pregnant and all the things I thought about and I just never thought about being a parent to an adult child. It was so far in the future. But there’s so much MORE of that parenting for most people (unless you unfortunately pass away when you’re young) and we never really talk about that when we talk about having kids. It makes sense. Nobody likes to think about getting old. And it’s hard for people to accurately imagine their futures.

Wow. I feel for your kids. You sound terrible. I miss my mom so much.

I love my adult children and they bring me so much joy, as do my little grandchildren. My husband died unexpectedly and they are the reason I get out of bed and participate in my life.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The thing is that if you’re responding before you have adult children, you don’t actually know where I’m coming from…just like I don’t know what it will be like having a 30 or 40 year old child.

I just saw a post on here by a parent with a newborn who is mad at their mom or MIL for doing things like giving their kid a pacifier and they want to know if all parents just become annoying once they become grandparents. They’ve totally forgotten how their mom/mil was once where they are.

NP here. Sure, but this is like saying you won’t know if your marriage actually worked out until you divorce or one of you dies. So therefore people shouldn’t get married. There’s no way to know how any human relationship will pan out over decades.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I started to feel this way around the time my kids went to college. I thought I had it all figured out when they were younger.

It’s kind of depressing. Of all the people I know maybe 5-10% actually enjoy spending time with their older parents. The rest find them annoying. Not great odds! I just spent the weekend with my elderly parents and it’s hard especially when in you’re in the sandwich.

OP here. Exactly. This is really it. People always focus on how hard it is to be a parent when your kids are little. And it is hard but it’s also often very gratifying too because they love you and think you’re awesome.

But in reality how many adults adore spending time with their aging parents? They may love them and feel they need to respect them. And hopefully as a parent you’re proud of your adult child. I think for most people it’s kind of a mixture.

But we never really talk about that when we talk about having kids. And I think it’s almost impossible for people to accurately imagine their lives too far in the future.

Right now my kid is leaving and doesn’t seem very thankful for anything I’ve done for them—which is a lot. So that’s why I’m all…this crap wasn’t worth it. Of course it goes back and forth personally.

But I really do look at some of these young couples and want to say…come be a parent to my 18 year old getting ready for college for a weekend and see if this is what you had in mind? Your DINK life might seem really good. Are you sure you want to mess with that?

OP again. The thing is that if you’re responding before you have adult children, you don’t actually know where I’m coming from…just like I don’t know what it will be like having a 30 or 40 year old child.

I just saw a post on here by a parent with a newborn who is mad at their mom or MIL for doing things like giving their kid a pacifier and they want to know if all parents just become annoying once they become grandparents. They’ve totally forgotten how their mom/mil was once where they are.

Anonymous wrote:I have a demanding job and it’s a piece of cake compared to parenting.

Parenting is damn hard and you have to accept that there are lots of things you can control unlike my job where I run the team.

And yes, it can be overwhelming at times and no one ever tells you all the negatives and hardships. They’re no handbook either and you figure things out as you go along. Sometimes lots of failures then successes for your efforts.

Of course if I had to do it again, we would still have had DS. But I was so naive going in and glad that I only wanted one.

Typo can’t control

I have a demanding job and it’s a piece of cake compared to parenting.

Parenting is damn hard and you have to accept that there are lots of things you can control unlike my job where I run the team.

And yes, it can be overwhelming at times and no one ever tells you all the negatives and hardships. They’re no handbook either and you figure things out as you go along. Sometimes lots of failures then successes for your efforts.

Of course if I had to do it again, we would still have had DS. But I was so naive going in and glad that I only wanted one.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I started to feel this way around the time my kids went to college. I thought I had it all figured out when they were younger.

It’s kind of depressing. Of all the people I know maybe 5-10% actually enjoy spending time with their older parents. The rest find them annoying. Not great odds! I just spent the weekend with my elderly parents and it’s hard especially when in you’re in the sandwich.

I love my parents but find them smothering. Luckily, they have my brother and his wife who don’t mind spending tons of time together. My parents are probably happy they did not stop at me.

I hear you OP. I started to feel this way around the time my kids went to college. I thought I had it all figured out when they were younger.

It’s kind of depressing. Of all the people I know maybe 5-10% actually enjoy spending time with their older parents. The rest find them annoying. Not great odds! I just spent the weekend with my elderly parents and it’s hard especially when in you’re in the sandwich.

Right now bringing a child into the US is selfish
Sure let’s bring kids into a dictatorship

Totally happy with my decision to be childfree. Never once questioned the decision.

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I have a terrible relationship with my crappy mom that required lots of therapy to get over, but my own two daughters are my favorite people in the world and I love hanging out with them. So glad I didn’t do all this self absorbed navel gazing that kept me from creating these two awesome people. Just get on with it, or don’t, damn. I’m tired of hearing about your thought process either way

+100. The problem with most people is they do too much navel gazing instead of being more go with the flow, accept life won’t be perfect.

If OP hadn’t had kids, she might have had other problems instead. Eg feel left behind and out of the loop when all her friends were having kids and connecting through kids stuff. Or she and her DH realized they have no connection and they break up and she would be lonely. No way to know.