Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Not my experience at all, great sex is pretty refreshing after some relationships. Why do you think it's always going to be the woman's fault?

Tell me you haven’t been married 25+ years. Even great sex with the same person becomes less exciting.

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to have sex most days when you aren't interested at all?

"Low libido" but high consent and activity is the real mystery.

Most women who don't want to have sex would describe that as bordering on sexual assault.

Nothing wrong with being low libido and never having sex because you don't feel like it.
Just know this perspective is incompatible with a lasting monogamous relationship, so decide which of these variables is important to you.

Anonymous wrote:How does it feel to have sex most days when you aren't interested at all?

"Low libido" but high consent and activity is the real mystery.

Most women who don't want to have sex would describe that as bordering on sexual assault.

Big difference between not particularly wanting to (low libido) and actively wanting not to.

When I was on a higher dose of Zoloft, it was like the volume on everything was turned way down. I'd see a sappy commercial and think, "That kind of thing used to make me cry. Meh." My husband would try to initiate sex and I'd just think, "Meh." Even after lots of foreplay I couldn't get into the mood.

I weaned off it and my libido came right back. Eventually, so did the anxiety, and I went back on 2/3 or my old dose. I seem to still have a libido, yay. I'm 44 FWIW. I get quite horny on the regular, have sex dreams, etc. I can go from zero to enjoying sex 99% of the time now.

Our bodies are so interesting and complicated.

I think it's different for different reasons. I've had low libido because of boredom with a partner and also low libido because of BCPs. And now I think I'm having it because of perimenopause. For me, it's not like I would never want an orgasm. But if I do actually think about it, I'd much rather just use a vibrator than deal with another person. And a lot of the time, I just don't think about it. I COULD have an orgasm if I wanted to, but I'd have to want to, and I don't care. Some people are saying they will still happily have sex, but it causes a problem for me because I tend to find sex kind of gross when I'm not aroused and feel pressured. I would like my libido back. I'm going on some HRT to see if it helps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Not my experience at all, great sex is pretty refreshing after some relationships. Why do you think it's always going to be the woman's fault?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

They would eventually become dead fish to the new guy to if they lived long term in real life with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

Nah. Just new. Husband is hot as hell but it’s the same. It’s a variety thing. Everyone gets new relationship energy and it’s why even people with hot wives still cheat.

How does it feel to have sex most days when you aren't interested at all?

"Low libido" but high consent and activity is the real mystery.

Most women who don't want to have sex would describe that as bordering on sexual assault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

Then there's the post divorce women who have a new BF and find out for the first time how incredibly great sex can be with a man who makes it his business to see that she has a really good time with stuff her H never did or even thought of or bothered to learn. "Acting dry" is a ridiculous concept by the way.

Anonymous wrote:It feels like lack of sexual desire. No looking forward to sex, no sexual zing.

Interesting. This could also be because you don't find your partner attractive anymore or for women libido "suddenly" comes back when they meet a hotter man than their husband. That's when affairs start. There's tons of posts on reddit about women who never had anal or have had low libido suddenly get on all fours and open up to a new hotter man they met but for their husband's they act dry with no libido and refuse to do anything like anal in bed but for the boyfriend...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You regard sex the way you would regard, say, giving a backrub. A nice thing to do for someone you love but not really doing much of anything for YOU.

100%

I’ll add that I would consider this same problem if it were long-term. In my experience, it’s a postpartum issue that doesn’t last. Which is why it keeps happening…

Maybe it's like when you don't want to think about or fix dinner but you do anyway because a loved one is hungry and needs to eat and it's your job to fix it. They could fix themselves a sandwich and not starve but it's an act of love for you to fix a meal and share it with them.

This analogy for low libido assumes that some days you might want to fix dinner and other days, maybe many days, or maybe everyday, you really don't.

Anonymous wrote:You regard sex the way you would regard, say, giving a backrub. A nice thing to do for someone you love but not really doing much of anything for YOU.

100%

Joyful. Happy. Just don’t think about it. If spouse wants it, happily comply- but just not a lot of care or need for it. We have always had an active sex love, but once kids came along and my 40s hit- I could take it or leave it. Didn’t really get sexually excited anymore. Though we never had a sexless marriage. I was very very into it dating, early years of marriage, very adventurous too. We still have sex a few times a week in our 50s because it’s important to spouse- but frankly I wouldn’t notice if we stopped. I’m more excited by a vacation or new restaurant, etc. I think part of it is my mind is constantly going about other things. I have noticed with more time and empty nest coming- a bit of desire returning.