Anonymous wrote:Therapy can be useless if the anxiety is causing a fight, flight or freeze response. All the therapy goes right out the window. Your daughter needs to be on meds. I’m surprised you have waited this long

Her daughter has zero signs of anxiety. Our society over medicates as it is.

Therapy can be useless if the anxiety is causing a fight, flight or freeze response. All the therapy goes right out the window. Your daughter needs to be on meds. I’m surprised you have waited this long

OP have her invite a few friends over to bake cookies, watch a movie, and watch them interact.

Why are people even commenting about how much she talks and how does she get to hear about it? I don't think this one girl "friend" is really a friend, it's almost like a set-up. This is such a weird situation. And previous PP is correct, lots of girls conform and if someone is minding their own business instead, she sticks out like a sore thumb. I think as a parent, you need to encourage her to have a thicker skin and not be so anxious about it yourself. Plenty of people meet "their" people in college or later on, especially if you have a smart girl.

There is something about your description that raises a bit of a red flag-people saying your dad is “so shy and never talks” but other people who say even less don’t get those comments.

No one should give anyone a hard take about shyness or anxiety but I guess I would y necessarily take your daughters report at face value.

I doubt people are giving her a hard time for anxiety and for zero reason giving an even more shy person no hard time. She may come across as aloof or irritated maybe?

Again, not criticizing your daughter at all-I have a wonderful teen daughter with social anxiety and I’ve found it’s best to take the bull by the horns in terms of the role she plays in social dynamics.

There’s nothing wrong with being shy and introverted. Don’t give your child drugs to change her personality.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t medicate a teen who loves herself and just doesn’t like to hear what other conformists think of her. The side effects are unbearable.

If anything just go get Olly gummies and call it a day.

+ 1

Honestly, it's society that needs to be kinder and not undermine people with social anxiety. Shy people are picked on because people know they can get away with it. They try to put her down so they can be dominant and climb the social ladder. They see she is more quiet and they use that to their advantage. Is she good looking? They might be jealous too. If she is introduced to a new group as shy, it makes it even harder. If she has 3 friends and is involved in things, that seems pretty good. It is painful to get singled out and be put down constantly. She could try to assert herself more by saying something like "once I get to know someone, I talk a lot", or turn the tables and comment on something about the other person to change the subject and make them the focus instead.

Anonymous wrote:Why is she interpreting kids commenting that she is shy as an insult? It’s not an insult to be shy.

I guess you are not shy? It’s the worst when you’re trying to be outgoing and still get labeled as shy or quiet.

Don’t medicate a teen who loves herself and just doesn’t like to hear what other conformists think of her. The side effects are unbearable.

If anything just go get Olly gummies and call it a day.

I suspect that there is something off putting about her shyness. Sometimes when people are uncomfortable they give off more disinterested or critical vibes even when it’s just being quiet/anxious. RBF and especially being pretty along with RBF often puts off that energy. And girls will pick up on it and be more critical of it in an attractive girl because they take it on as judging THEM - boys are more clueless and more apt to tolerate almost anything from a pretty girl.

My now 16 yo suffered from this until she made some new friends last year. I can’t tell you exactly what made the change for her other than ditching a toxic friend who made her feel this way so not your situation - so it might not be helpful. Can you observe her in groups to see what might be happening?? A low dose anxiety med might push her towards relaxing enough that she can give off more welcoming energy.

She hasn't found her people yet because most girls conform unfortunately. And I can tell you from having two teens. The first that was a bit socially awkward but knew who she was even with barely going out in HS, and having just a few friends, and the second that always conformed, wanted to climb the social ladder, and seemed popular, skated between friendships and relationships and had a much harder time in HS.

What people look like on the outside a lot at school aren't who they are. And most people that talk negatively about others are only doing to boost their own low self esteem. And there are many girls who aren't happy conforming and do it anyways.

My suggestion is to find a few people she likes in her clubs, or start a new club and have Friday night hang-outs at your house. She is comfortable there, can control the environment, and maybe just do simple fun things will make her feel more comfortable with some girls. And the ones that come. That want to come are probably in the same boat she is.

Anonymous wrote:Why is she interpreting kids commenting that she is shy as an insult? It’s not an insult to be shy.

It's never a compliment.

Why is she interpreting kids commenting that she is shy as an insult? It’s not an insult to be shy.

High school tends to be tough socially, since girls tend to be mean and cliquey. College seems much better, socially for my DD. She seems to be on the path to understanding who she is as a person and what kind of people she would like to have as friends. She distanced herself from the mean girls quickly and found a group that genuinely cares for her. It’s summer and they are still chatting away and hanging out. I feel much better about her growth as a person. She was always stable and thoughtful but self doubt was bringing her esteem down when she was in high school. Hang in there mama and keep her spirit high. She will find her people. It’s a process