I would give her gift cards for grocery stores where she shops and see where she gets school supplies and get a gift card there. I am all for teaching a person to fish and that whole thing, but she is in hard times NOW so help put out the proverbial fire.

I would not try to help her find a job you feel is right for her, though I know you have the best of intentions. You don't want to be too in her business with the job thing trying to help her get specialized training or find a job when she may be OK with the ones she has.Maybe one of the jobs she has is low demand so she can make money and not be exhausted-who knows.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Was visiting my hometown and I saw her. She was just updating me on her life. And I know she is scraping by.

I have no idea what the husband’s deal is.

But I do like the recommendation for her getting into a trade. Like electrician or hvac training. She’s really smart and could definitely pass those requirements. I think it’s a two year program then an apprenticeship.


I’m going to see if there are grants. And maybe aftercare for school that may be subsidized.

How would she financially survive with a two-year program and apprenticeship? Do you even consider what you are saying?

Don't push your agenda on her. When would she have time for a trade or other school with a few kids and working multiple jobs? Buy the kids some school clothing, shoes and new backpacks and school supplies. Gift card for food. Really, its not that hard if you want to actually help vs. google a few things to pass on to her.

How about telling her that you can see that she is working very hard and has alot of responsibility? That it must be really hard and ask her what would be most helpful to her?

So she's not asking for help? If not, I wouldn't go too far.

You could share info w/ her. "Hey, I thought of you when I saw this program, and the grant opportunity that might cover the costs. Thought you'd be great at it, but take it or leave it as you see fit."

And I wouldn't go much beyond that unless or until she specifically asked for it. Maybe a really helpful thing is just to listen to her and give her a space to vent. Maybe a helpful thing is to support her desire for a large family and respect that and her right to chose a path with multiple part-time gigs if she wants. Maybe a helpful thing is to honor her dignity and independence by not leaning into trying to help her...

OP here. Was visiting my hometown and I saw her. She was just updating me on her life. And I know she is scraping by.

I have no idea what the husband’s deal is.

But I do like the recommendation for her getting into a trade. Like electrician or hvac training. She’s really smart and could definitely pass those requirements. I think it’s a two year program then an apprenticeship.


I’m going to see if there are grants. And maybe aftercare for school that may be subsidized.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t the Bible say “don’t give them fish, teach them to fish”. Skill building is the only thing that will break the cycle.

This is a Chinese proverb and not a quote from the Bible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her youngest is 6 or 7. So going to school for a trade would be a challenge. She was in school and I think she couldn’t afford it plus all the costs at home. So could never pull herself out of poverty. Just scraping by.

It just sucks.

Does she work? Her kids are in school for 6-8 hours, she could do something during that time to make money. She can do an online graduate program that is asynchronous so she can do it on her schedule.

Sorry, just re read your op and it says she works several part time jobs.

I think she should still try and take time to do a program that could move her forward. Even if in the moment it means less money.

If she can become a paraeducator in the youngest’s school she will be off for all the holidays that the kids are off and could possibly get health insurance. Some counties give money to paras to take classes to become a teacher.

Anonymous wrote:Her youngest is 6 or 7. So going to school for a trade would be a challenge. She was in school and I think she couldn’t afford it plus all the costs at home. So could never pull herself out of poverty. Just scraping by.

It just sucks.

Does she work? Her kids are in school for 6-8 hours, she could do something during that time to make money. She can do an online graduate program that is asynchronous so she can do it on her schedule.

Buy clothes for her kids and school supplies? Pay for a babysitter and a nightly class? Ask if she wants to try a certain career (maybe nursing?) and pay for babysitters so she can attend those classes? Or pay for an online coding class?

What led you to post OP? It sounds like she is getting by. How do you know she is not happy? Is she complaining? Is this coming from her or you?

Anonymous wrote:Her youngest is 6 or 7. So going to school for a trade would be a challenge. She was in school and I think she couldn’t afford it plus all the costs at home. So could never pull herself out of poverty. Just scraping by.

It just sucks.

That youngest is in school. Both of them should be working. Restaurant work usually pays more than retail, is very flexible when it comes to scheduling (part time, full time, over time, day, night), offers plenty of free food, and makes it easy to become a manager.
In DC and near, the would make $8k to $10k easily between the two.

I think a generous Target gift card would come in handy for back-to-school purchases and food.

What’s the husband’s deal? Maybe he’s the one who needs to pursue a trade to ensure some stable work for himself!!

Make sure you’re also acknowledging that you see and recognize all that she’s doing to keep the family going. She needs to hear that she’s “seen” and supported.

Trades directly transition to employment, much more useful than school. Often there are programs to increase the number of women in skilled trades. If she learned skills like plumbing or electrical work she could even have her own business one day.