Anonymous
08/01/2024 10:13
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Most women ask out of concern as they've been there themselves or with a sister, friend, cousin, daughter or grand daughter. However, it doesn't help but make person (or their mother) embarrassed, offended or worried.
Why people feel offended or embarrassed by the question isn't about the question but unwarranted shame of inadequacy. If one isn't insecure about this, they don't care.
I just don't ask such questions as it feels invasive to me and I feel if there is something to be shared, they would do so themselves. Often 20's are difficult years for young people and their families, navigating employment and dating so most tend to be sensitive and want privacy.
Why people feel offended or embarrassed by the question isn't about the question but unwarranted shame of inadequacy. If one isn't insecure about this, they don't care.
I just don't ask such questions as it feels invasive to me and I feel if there is something to be shared, they would do so themselves. Often 20's are difficult years for young people and their families, navigating employment and dating so most tend to be sensitive and want privacy.
Anonymous
08/01/2024 10:10
Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.
I remember being that age and feeling sad that no one was interested in any other aspect of my life. None of the relatives asked about my travels, my conference paper, my dissertation, my career. Instead it felt like they thought I was a loser because I wasn’t married yet. I think it’s rude to treat women as one dimensional future baby breeders.
They don't ask about the careers of sons too. This is a question that is being asked for all single people of a certain age. If you cross 40, no one asks anymore.
Anonymous
08/01/2024 10:08
Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.
+1
Why do people take offense on innocuous questions? They are not asking of your DD is having sex.
Anonymous
08/01/2024 09:23
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Maybe the 27 year old reads DCUM posts complaining about their children, spouses, mental load crappy marriages.
Anonymous
08/01/2024 07:54
Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.
I remember being that age and feeling sad that no one was interested in any other aspect of my life. None of the relatives asked about my travels, my conference paper, my dissertation, my career. Instead it felt like they thought I was a loser because I wasn’t married yet. I think it’s rude to treat women as one dimensional future baby breeders.
Anonymous
08/01/2024 07:10
Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.
Well now you know. As op said her daughter is having a hard time with it.
Would you ask a couple married for 3 years in their mid 30s if they were trying for children? It’s the same in that it’s none of your business and there may be very raw emotions targeted by your nosiness.
Anonymous
08/01/2024 06:56
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
People are nosy. My method is to feign ignorance and answer, "I have no idea." This line of questioning is similar to,"When are you going to have a baby?" If you want to be a B, ask them how their diet is going (especially if they are chubby).
Anonymous
08/01/2024 06:51
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:My 27yo DD meets guys and dates regularly, but she has not found someone she really meshes with romantically. In fact, she's never been in a real relationship or brought anyone home to meet us. I try not to stress about this (although I do and so does she). It doesn't help that whenever we're at a family gathering, my MIL asks about it. Thankfully, MIL has stopped asking my DD directly about her love life, but now she asks DH and me. Other older relatives have also commented to us along the lines of, "Oh dear. I hope she finds someone." I'm working on responses to these questions. So far I've come up with "You'll be the first to know if there's someone special," "No, she's not seeing anyone. Are you?" (if the relative is single) or simply "She's living her best life." Other thoughts on how to shut down the questioning?
No one is wrong here.
They’re concerned and inquiring.
They probably also know it’s tough to find a good match. Frankly they also know how hard and difficult marriage can be.
Anonymous
07/31/2024 22:36
Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.
It’s just not rude because OP is embarrassed by it.
OP should be worried. Women like that often don’t get married and have kids. DD could be the end of the line.
Anonymous
07/31/2024 22:23
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Just say "yes and she wants to plan her marriage in same week as your funeral so its convenient for out of town relatives to attend both events in one trip." JK.
Anonymous
07/31/2024 21:58
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It’s not odd that she is 27 and single. It’s odd that she has Never had a long term relationship. You know that OP and that’s why you’re prickly about it.
Plenty of people somehow make it all the way to 27 without a longterm relationshio. Especially with the the way younger generations socialize differently than their elders.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 20:19
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
And what kind of answer are these people who ask this looking for? I also don't understand this questioning. It's not like you can go and buy a BF like a sweater. What do you want to hear?
Anonymous
07/30/2024 19:20
Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.
It’s just not rude because OP is embarrassed by it.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 19:19
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
It’s not odd that she is 27 and single. It’s odd that she has Never had a long term relationship. You know that OP and that’s why you’re prickly about it.
Anonymous
07/30/2024 19:05
Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
She’s pushing 30, well past her prime, it’s a fair question.