Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.
Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.
good points.
She has been here before. She isn't allergic. But she simply doesn't enjoy all the activities we do. We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards.
I want her to know why we're stepping back so I'll tell her.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I mean, if the answer to "What would I do there?" Is not "See my grandkids" there's really nothing you can do.
She's chosen what she wants.
True, but I don't really want to be around someone who makes that choice. I'm stepping back, and telling her why.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.
Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.
good points.
She has been here before. She isn't allergic. But she simply doesn't enjoy all the activities we do. We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards.
I want her to know why we're stepping back so I'll tell her.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!
Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!
Last time OP's family saw grandma was 4 years ago when they went to her. Grandma visits the sister multiple times a year. Yes, it's grandma's choice, but why aren't people also a consideration rather than only activities.
Anonymous wrote:OP, look at her actions. She prefers to hang out with your sister and her family. She doesn't make the effort to visit you or your family.
Knowing that, accept these are the choices she makes year after year, and make your own choices. Still visit her? Meet in a third location? What isn't going to change anything is you spelling out how her behavior is hurtful to you. But consider that you might feel better saying it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!
Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!
Last time OP's family saw grandma was 4 years ago when they went to her. Grandma visits the sister multiple times a year. Yes, it's grandma's choice, but why aren't people also a consideration rather than only activities.
Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!
Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!
Anonymous wrote:I’m team grandma on this one. I seldom take the granny’s side on this one but I’m from a flat midwestern state so I get it. Montana is beautiful and if you are outdoorsy it’s a great vacation. A flat midwestern state that is not in a big city like Chicago or cute college town like Ann Arbor is depressing! Who wants to spend time and money on a vacation where you sit around watching TV or maybe go to a shopping mall. Yuck!
Vacations should be enjoyable not just sitting around looking at your relatives out of obligation!
Anonymous wrote:I visited my mom in the western state (very rugged and outdoorsy) where I grew up. We had a good time.
While I was there I asked why she never visits us - she visits my other sister in Montana and hikes there and in the state where she lives. She said, "what would I do there?" I live in a flat midwestern state where of course people can take walks, but there's barely a hill here. Land is covered with crops. But, there are many things to do here that don't involve hiking.
My adult children are here and haven't seen their grandmother since we went to visit her and vacation about 4 years ago.
She travels to see my sister a couple times a year. Sister has two teenagers.
I want to tell her how hurtful her comment is. I cannot imagine being this kind of person.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your adult kids should be visiting her once a year. A weekend is fine.
As my grandparents aged we started flying (2 hours) or driving (10 hours) to visit them rather than making them schlep out to us. All the adult grandkids who didn't live local to them did this. Yes, on occasion they would still visit, like Thanksgiving; but they really valued having us come out to them so they could show us off to friends or whatever. And they had less energy overall so they would be able to travel a few times a year, but wanted to go to places they really enjoyed, not places that were boring but for containing their adult grandchildren. Nothing wrong with that.
We live 3k miles away. IT would have to be more than a weekend.
I guess the weird thing is that she visits my sister, not me.